


Found Something Better

by noelre



Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: AU, Children, Falling In Love, Friendship, Friendship/Love, M/M, Parenthood, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-02
Updated: 2014-08-28
Packaged: 2018-02-03 03:18:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 68,883
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1729073
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/noelre/pseuds/noelre
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Being a single father for a toddler can be difficult, Takao Kazunari learns that the hard way. Falling for another single father next door - especially for a competent man like Midorima Shintaro - proves to be just as troublesome.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Kazunari carried the final cardboard box inside and heaved out a sigh. Although his muscles ached from going up and down the stairs over and over again with heavy boxes in his embrace, there was something really fulfilling about closing the front door of the new apartment for the first time. A small smile curled on his lips as he pressed his back against the door, wiped his forehead with his forearm and let his eyes rest on the sight. The place looked smaller with all the boxes scattered around with no coordination, but it was surely going to look just fine when he would start unpacking. He imagined it to be a home and was able to convince himself of the thought. His smile widened.

 

It wasn’t serenely quiet at all, though. Some thudding echoed upstairs from the apartment above, the plumbing made a weird nose, but the noisiest was his little boy playing with toys on a blanket spread on the floor. He fixed his eyes on Fumi and felt like a proud father for once. He had feared for this day beforehand simply because no one had been available to look after his son, but Fumi had been a good boy, playing nicely on the blanket and looking at his father once in a while. Kazunari glanced around on the white walls and briefly thought of painting them after a year or two. No matter what the colors were, though, he promised to make it a warm home for his precious boy.

 

His knees buckled and his legs wanted to give in, thus he stumbled forward and slumped down on the floor right next to Fumi. The little boy watched him keenly with a smile brighter than Sun, his dark hair messy. Kazunari stroked them to a neater stance and then stretched his limbs, groaned. He was going to be thoroughly sore tomorrow, and he would be too tired to get the bath ready for tonight… He cracked his neck and moaned.

 

A tiny red toy car was given to him. Fumi sat up and crawled closer. “Dada, play car.”

 

“Daddy’s a bit tired now…”

 

“Dada! Play car, play car!”

 

“Alright, alright,” Kazunari laughed. He rolled on his stomach and grabbed the car that was identical to the one Fumi held in his tiny hands. He sighed and smiled, tickled the plump soft cheeks of his son. “No one can say no to a cute face like you, did you know that, Fumi-chan?”

 

“Dada!”

 

“Yes, yes… Do the cars want to race?” He settled his car on the floor and tested the wheels. Still rolled perfectly.

 

Fumi let out the cutest groans as he crawled closer with all his strength. “Race.”

 

Kazunari grinned. “The cars are ready, who do you think is going to win? Will it be daddy, the former champion, or the current master, Mister Fumi-chan? Are you ready? Ready? Three, two, one… Go!”

 

Fumi definitely got a head start, and with loud giggles he crawled effortlessly on the floor, sometimes bumped to the boxes but it didn’t slow him down at all. Kazunari did his best to keep up, crawling along like a child, and laughter vibrated in his chest, too. His smile got a gentler undertone as he watched his son and realized just how much he had grown lately. He was already a big boy, they had just celebrated his second birthday. He was fast, too, and definitely nearing the finish line.

 

“Ooh, it looks like Fumi-chan is going to win today as well!” Kazunari shrieked. His knees really complained as they dragged along the floor, his whole body was completely finished after the move-in, but still he continued the race. Fumi kept giggling and snorting just a bit ahead of him in the midst of the boxes.

 

“And he wins!” Kazunari declared after a painful round around the living room.

 

Fumi rolled on the blanket and looked happy, very lively. Kazunari crawled on the blanket as well, panting, his chest rising heavily up and down. _So tired…_ He exhaled sharply when his boy climbed on top of him and realized that Fumi wasn’t a light-weight anymore as he had been on his first year. Letting out a laughter, Kazunari held Fumi close to his chest and stared at the ceiling. He listened his son’s breaths and felt how his chest warmed up.

 

“We’re going to be just fine with the two of us,” he said. “We’ll be just fine, don’t you think, Fumi?”

 

“Dada,” was the answer.

 

Kazunari gave a kiss on Fumi’s forehead and stroked his hair, said, “Daddy loves you.”

 

He stayed still for a long time, feeling rather happy for the first time in weeks. He had questioned this choice, and once thought that he had made a mistake, but now that there was only the two of them in their new home, he wouldn’t have chosen otherwise. Fumi struggled and rolled back on the floor, got up on his feet and strutted around with confidence. Kazunari closed his eyes with a serene smile on his lips and enjoyed the tiny moment of calmness. Being a single father had never really been part of his plan for life, but this was for the best. Fumi would be the happiest this way, too.

 

Letting out few deep breaths, Kazunari finally forced himself up. His body really ached but he knew that there wasn’t time to rest quite yet. He stretched his arms and reached them towards the ceiling, and noticed that Fumi was mimicking him just few feet away. The only difference between them was that Fumi fell on the floor in the highest peak of his stretch, and Kazunari chuckled. _What a cute child._

 

“Why don’t we go greet the neighbors now?” he asked as he helped Fumi up. He tangled his fingers to the tiny ones and squeezed them lightly. “Then afterwards we can make some really yummy food and watch some cartoons and then go to bed.”

 

“Cartoons,” Fumi said.

 

Kazunari laughed. “In a bit, in a bit! Let’s go greet the neighbors, it’s good to be polite. Is that okay, Fumi-chan?”

 

“Okay.”

 

Although he itched to grab Fumi to his arms, he let the boy walk by his side with slow steps. Ever since Fumi had learned to walk, he wanted to walk _everywhere_ , and Kazunari thought that the determination was adorable. Although the pace was slow and it took quite some time to cross the living room, he thought there was no real rush in the end. He thought of all the quick, simple dishes he could make, and wondered if the TV was going to work straight away. He really hoped so… Pursing his lips, he squeezed Fumi’s tiny fingers, and together they walked out of the apartment to the staircase.

 

Kazunari looked around. He hadn’t really paid attention to it, but now that he glanced at it, he realized that the floor only had one apartment aside theirs. _Only one neighbor_ , he thought. _Thank god for that!_ He strolled barefoot on the cold floor and glanced down at Fumi’s feet that were hidden underneath pink slippers. The last thing he wanted was the boy to get sick, especially when the first day at the new kindergarten was tomorrow. He shared a smile with his son and stopped in front of the other door, identical to theirs.

 

“Midorima…” he read aloud and pursed his lips. He looked down at Fumi and gave him a lopsided grin. “You ready?”

 

Fumi only giggled.

 

Really thankful of the fact that they could probably go soon home and get settled, Kazunari pressed the doorbell. Happily Fumi shrieked ‘ding dong!’ right after the sound of the bell, and Kazunari laughed. He rubbed his eyes and tried to look sharp and energetic, although he really, _really_ wanted to slump down on the bed already. Patiently he waited but nothing happened. He frowned and hummed, looked at Fumi who nearly jumped up and down on his spot, and rang the doorbell again.

 

Maybe they weren’t home. _Lucky us_ , Kazunari thought and was just about to suggest to Fumi that they would go back, when the door swung open.

 

He stared in front of him but saw no one. Only a second later did he realize to glance a bit down and noticed a small boy. He was young for sure, but older than Fumi, and he kept both of his hands tightly on the door handle. Kazunari smiled gently and felt Fumi wrap his arms around his leg.

 

“Hello,” he said. “Is your mom or dad home, or—“

 

“Daddy!” the boy screamed and ran away.

 

Kazunari blinked and took a sharp inhale. _This is going well_. He cleared his throat and rolled his shoulders back, rubbed his eyes once more. That had been a bit of a surprise, but he was pleased of the fact that there was another child, and even right next door! Fumi would surely get some company of the other boy.

 

His pants were pulled a bit. He looked at Fumi whose lips had curled to a pout. The boy’s dark eyes glistened, and he looked more than ready to cry.

 

“Dada,” Fumi sniffed. “Hug. Hug Fumi, hug Fumi.”

 

“It’s okay, daddy will hug you.” Kazunari smiled and picked Fumi up in his arms, kept him close to his chest. Immediately the boy looked happier. He stroked some of Fumi’s dark hair behind his ear and rubbed his cheek. “Is this good? Daddy hugs you all you want.”

 

He bounced Fumi up and down the tiniest bit and made him laugh. Kazunari smiled and tightened his grasp from the small figure, just in time for a man to appear on the doorframe. He first noticed the odd green shade in the hair, and afterwards his eyes fixed on the boy that had opened the door and now clung to his father’s leg. He, too, had such strange hair, and they shared such striking similarities that they really looked like a father and son. Kazunari glanced up to meet with the man’s gaze that hid behind glasses and smiled.

 

“Hello,” he greeted. “We just moved next door and thought about coming to greet our new neighbors! I’m Takao Kazunari, and this is my boy, Fumi. Say hello, Fumi-chan.”

 

“Hello,” Fumi shyly muttered against his father’s neck.

 

“Nice to meet you, I thought someone was moving by the sounds of it,” the man said. “This is my son Haru, I’m Shintaro.”

 

_Already at first name basis, huh?_ Kazunari smiled. “Call me Kazunari in that case.”

 

“Alright.” Shintaro took a step back, and his son worked his hand to his father’s. “Would you like some tea?”

 

“Um…” Kazunari glanced at Fumi who didn’t look like he was quite yet having the signs of absolute hunger or tiredness. He nodded. “Just for a bit is fine, I think. Sorry for intruding.”

 

He stepped in and could tell right away that the apartment’s layout was a direct replica of theirs. The difference was that Shintaro’s place was decorated nicely with taste and warm colors and didn’t look like the cardboard box apocalypse had just happened. Somewhat embarrassed of the fact that he was barefooted, Kazunari followed the steps of the father and son and glanced around a bit. It looked like a really nice home, some photos scattered around on the walls and tables, and he wished he could achieve such an atmosphere as well. He tightened his grasp from Fumi whose eyes widened as he looked around, too.

 

The kitchen was small, but he found a seat nonetheless, Fumi on his lap. In an awkward silence Kazunari watched Shintaro’s movements that looked graceful as he hustled in front of the fridge and stove. Little Haru followed keenly his father’s movements, mimicking the steps one by one. Kazunari snorted but muffled the sound to the back of his palm. _Like father like son, really._ Every now and then Haru glanced at them over his shoulder, looking rather timid, and whenever it happened, Kazunari made sure to give the boy his gentlest smile.

 

Suddenly Haru pulled his father’s sleeve, and Shintaro crouched lower. The boy whispered something, and when Shintaro straightened himself and looked towards them, he had a smile on his lips.

 

“Haru wanted to know if he could show Fumi his new train set.”

 

Kazunari chuckled. He tilted his head towards Fumi and asked, “Did you hear that? Would you like to go and see Haru-chan’s train set?”

 

“Trains!” Fumi cried happily out and began to struggle immediately. He fell on his knees when he finally got on the floor, but with surprising ease and sudden confidence Haru grabbed the younger boy’s hand and dragged him out of the kitchen.

 

“Be careful!” Shintaro shouted behind the boys, but Kazunari wasn’t quite sure whether they actually heard it or not. No answer came indeed, and Shintaro sighed, rubbed his nape. “He got the train set yesterday, he has been all about it since then. I’m sorry about that.”

 

“It’s fine,” Kazunari laughed. “Fumi loves cars and trains and all that.”

 

“How old is he?”

 

“Oh, he just turned two. What about yours?”

 

“Haru is four. I’m happy that another family moved in to the building. No one else has children, so maybe they will get along.”

 

“I really hope so.”

 

Now that Kazunari properly looked at Shintaro in all peace, he realized what a beauty he was. Shintaro was tall – incredibly tall, at least a head or two taller than him – and lean, and his backside looked rather sexy. Kazunari leaned his chin to his palm and took his time to admire the beauty, only to jolt out of his thoughts when a tea cup was placed in front of him. He grinned and thanked, examined the lovely pair of eyes that Shintaro had. Even the glasses suited the other man. He brushed some hair behind his ear and took the first sip of the burning hot tea. It left his tongue scalded.

 

“How far away did you move here?” With ease Shintaro slipped to the seat across Kazunari and curled his hands around the cup. His fingers were longer and slender, and Kazunari caught himself staring at them.

 

“Just from the neighboring town.” He moistened his lips. “I’m sorry if I made too much noise, I tried to be careful but it was a bit difficult when I was the only one dragging the boxes up the stairs.”

 

“There wasn’t too much noise, at least it didn’t bother us.” Shintaro pushed his glasses better to the ridge of his nose.

 

Kazunari hummed and glanced down at the tea. Steady stream of laughter came from what was most likely the living room, and it made him smile; it really sounded like the boys were having fun together. He thought of his Fumi enjoying himself with someone else, and it warmed his heart. Part of him really wanted to see the sight, but he stayed put and enjoyed the sight of Shintaro.

 

“What do you do for living, Shintaro?” He took another sip.

 

“I’m a doctor.”

 

“A doctor? Wow, that’s really something…” Kazunari frowned lightly. “Is it hard to adjust the schedules with a child?”

 

“I’m working with fixed hours for now.”

 

“Uh huh… I guess that makes life a bit easier,” he said. “What about your wife, what is she doing?”

 

Suddenly, the whole of Shintaro’s demeanor seemed to change. He looked uneasy, frigid on his seat, and cleared his throat, pushed his glasses better to their places. His fingertips remained on the frames. He swallowed loud enough for Kazunari to hear it, and from the subtle little changes Kazunari knew he must have fucked up.

 

“She died in labor four years ago,” Shintaro eventually said in a quieter tone. “It’s been the two of us ever since Haru was born.”

 

“Shit,” escaped from Kazunari’s lips. It made himself startle. “Fuck, I mean… I… That was really inappropriate thing for me to ask.”

 

“You couldn’t have known.” A somewhat sad smile rose to Shintaro’s lips. “It’s alright now, we are a happy family of two.”

 

“I would have never guessed you were like me.”

 

Shintaro frowned. “A widow?”

 

“A single father,” Kazunari corrected.

 

“Oh… Don’t you have a wife?”

 

“I had. Well, not really a wife… More of a girlfriend, I guess.” He cringed from the mere thought of her. “We had a nasty break up a while ago, she kind of caught me cheating her with another man.”

 

He noticed a faint blush on Shintaro’s cheeks and chuckled. Their gazes met, but too soon Shintaro averted his.

 

“Sorry, that was probably a bit too much information,” Kazunari said and ran his fingertips over his nape.

 

“It’s… It’s fine.” Shintaro took a large gulp of the tea and exhaled deeply afterwards. He moistened his lips and worked his fingers through his hair. “How old are you, Kazunari?”

 

“I’m turning twenty-nine this year.”

 

“Oh, you are the same age as I am.”

 

“Really?” Kazunari’s smile grew lopsided, and he rested his chin back against his palm. “Maybe we’ll become friends, I really wouldn’t mind that since our life situations are the same.”

 

“I would like that.”

 

There was something special about Shintaro’s smile. Maybe it was the fact that it rarely made through to his lips, but whenever he _did_ smile, it looked radiant and took Kazunari’s breath away. Even now he stared at Shintaro, probably too openly, but he couldn’t turn his gaze away. After all, Shintaro was his type. The sight made the corner of his lips twitch even higher. He had a good hunch about this – perhaps they would really become friends, or at least friendly neighbors.

 

He jolted out of his thoughts when suddenly Haru ran to the kitchen, crying in a way that resembled very much of a siren. His face was red and covered in snot, and he kept screaming and crying even when he climbed straight to his father’s lap. Kazunari perked up and frowned deep. Shintaro tried his best to calm his son down, but it was no use.

 

“It was an accident!” Haru cried. “I didn’t mean to, it was an accident, please believe me, Daddy! It was an accident, I didn’t mean to, I didn’t, I didn’t!”

 

Kazunari’s insides turned cold. _Fumi_. He stumbled up on his feet and tuned out of Haru’s cries and sobs and Shintaro’s gentle words of soothing, and rushed to the direction where the boy had come. Now that Haru’s noises weren’t so overwhelming, he heard another cry which he recognized immediately – Fumi. His heart skipped an odd beat. In the living room’s floor he found his little boy crying and rubbing his eyes. His legs jumbled as he crouched down on his knees and took Fumi to his lap. It broke his heart to hear him cry.

 

“What’s the matter?” he whispered.

 

Fumi kept crying, the decibels reaching quite the same as Haru.

 

Kazunari’s frown deepened and his eyes itched. He examined the boy carefully with his gaze and eventually found a tiny bump in the middle of his forehead. He sighed from relief and gently worked his fingertips over the bump, which made Fumi cry even harder. Kazunari hugged his son tighter against his chest and rocked him gently.

 

“Shh, it’s just a little bump… It’s okay, I know it hurts, shhh… I know it hurts, daddy knows…”

 

He got up on his feet and kept Fumi tight in his embrace. The boy kept crying, still loudly, but the more Kazunari held him and rocked him, the quieter the cries became. Soon they turned to little sobs. Kazunari squeezed his eyes shut and stayed still just for a moment, and then returned back to the kitchen. He smiled weakly to Shintaro who had Haru hugging him tightly, sobbing quietly against his neck. The whole kitchen filled with the sobs of the two boys.

 

“It seems that Haru accidentally hit the train on Fumi’s forehead,” Shintaro explained.

 

Kazunari sat down and gently rubbed Fumi’s forehead. It was surely going to leave a bruise, but nothing more serious. “Haru-chan? Don’t worry about it, it was just an accident! Fumi-chan’s a brave boy, and now he’s only going to look like a little unicorn for few days. Are you going to look like a unicorn, Fumi?”

 

Fumi glanced up at him with teary, widened eyes. He wasn’t crying anymore, and he even giggled when Kazunari tickled his stomach. Haru glanced at him, too, with just as equally teary eyes as his own son. Kazunari smiled gently.

 

Shintaro kissed Haru’s cheek and asked, “What do we say when we accidentally hit someone?”

 

“I’m sorry, Fumi,” Haru muttered.

 

“Would you like some ice for that?” Shintaro asked.

 

“Yes, please.” Kazunari smiled when he got a bag of ice, and gently he pressed it against Fumi’s forehead. The boy shrieked and kicked air with his tiny feet, but Kazunari stayed persistent, soothed his son by murmuring about funny unicorns to his ear. Eventually the resistant stopped, and Fumi even risked a shaky smile on his lips.

 

“Fumi, would you like to drink some juice?” asked Shintaro.

 

Fumi stared at the man with eyes the size of a plate.

 

“You want some juice?” Kazunari murmured to his son’s ear. “Do you want some yummy juice?”

 

“No,” Fumi said.

 

“Are you sure, Fumi-chan?”

 

“No.”

 

Kazunari sighed softly and smiled apologetically to Shintaro. The other man swayed his hand as if saying ‘it’s alright’ and poured a glass of sparkling red juice for Haru. Haru drank nearly all of it in one gulp and kept glancing at Fumi who sounded like a broken record repeating _no_ over and over again. Kazunari moistened his lips and put down the bag of ice, picked Fumi better in his arms and got up.

 

“We should get going, I think he’s getting a bit tired,” he said.

 

“No, no, no!” shrieked Fumi and kicked his father in the stomach and beat him to his back with his tiny fists.

 

“I’m really sorry about this,” Kazunari said.

 

“Don’t be.” Shintaro worked himself up as well and led the way to the hallway. Once there, he pressed his hip against the wall and crossed his arms loosely over his chest. “That stage happens to all children, so there’s nothing to apologize about.”

 

Truth to be told, if it were up to Kazunari, he would have stayed longer and get to know Shintaro even better. However, the struggling Fumi made the thought impossible, so he was only able to resort to a nice smile.

 

“Well, you know where to find us.” He chuckled. “We’ll see you and Haru around, I think, so… Thank you for the tea.”

 

“Oh, um…” Shintaro stepped closer. First he glanced at Fumi, but when the gaze pierced through Kazunari, Kazunari was sure his heart would stop. His legs turned jelly, at least. “Is Fumi in kindergarten?”

 

Kazunari nodded. His heart still made such irregular beats. Looking up close, Shintaro _really_ looked good. Sexy. “It’s, uh… It’s his first day at a new kindergarten tomorrow, I guess it’s few blocks from here or something…?”

 

“It’s the same where Haru goes. We could walk there together, so you would get to know the area a bit better.”

 

“That sounds good.” Kazunari couldn’t help his bright grin. It was like killing two birds with one stone; he would get to know the area better _and_ could spend more time getting to know Shintaro. He thought it was such a lucky situation. “How about we come pick you two up at eight?”

 

“Come a bit earlier than that.”

 

“Okay. Oh, and please tell Haru that the accident was really alright, Fumi’s just being cranky and tired. It’s only a little bump, so he doesn’t have to feel sad about it.”

 

Shintaro smiled, and it was the nicest smile Kazunari had ever seen. “I’ll tell him. We’ll see you tomorrow, have a good night at your new home.”

 

“Will do, thank you!”

 

The few funny steps between Shintaro’s apartment to theirs felt heavy. By the time Kazunari had safely locked the door behind his back, Fumi’s cries were the only noise echoing in the messy place. He sighed and rubbed his son’s back.

 

“Let’s get you to bed, okay? You can sleep in daddy’s bed tonight with Mr. Teddy, doesn’t that sound fun?” He kissed Fumi’s hair, but the cries continued.

 

His forehead pounded from a heavy ache. He rocked the boy in his arms and dragged himself towards the boxes. Mr. Teddy was found easily – thank god for that –, and he stumbled to the dim bedroom. He placed the struggling Fumi on the bed and gave him the teddy bear, stroked his wet cheek and slumped on the bed right next to the small figure.

 

“Shh, it’s okay now…” God, had his eyelids always felt so heavy? It sounded like Fumi wasn’t crying anymore. He rubbed Fumi’s stomach and felt the little boy crawl right next to him. Kazunari wanted to check whether that had really happened, but his eyes felt like bricks were laid on them. He groaned. He couldn’t sleep yet… He still had to change his own clothes and Fumi’s clothes, there were still so many things to do… He yawned to the pillow and forced his eyes open. Fumi already looked like he was soundly asleep. The sight made him smile weakly.

 

“Daddy loves you very much,” he whispered and pressed his eyes shut again, shifted closer to Fumi. Another yawn took over his entire body. He moistened his dried lips. “We don’t need women in our lives… We’ll be alright with just the two of us…”

 

He thought of what nice neighbors they had, and with a tired smile on his lips nodded off.


	2. Chapter 2

Kazunari sat on the hallway’s floor and struggled to get the shoes on Fumi’s feet. The boy seemed to be more interested in everything else, looking around, giggling and playing with the toy car. It had been a mistake to give it to him, Kazunari now realized, and he really regretted the fact that he had thought that Fumi would behave properly after the little treat. He sighed and tried to push a shoe to the wiggling foot, but failed again.

 

“Fumi,” he groaned. Frustration began to bubble inside him, but he tried his very best not to show it to the outside. His jaw clenched, however. “Come on, let’s just put these on now, we’ll be late! We can’t make Haru-chan and Shintaro wait, or all the new friends at the kindergarten.”

 

“Vroom vroom!” was the only thing that came out of Fumi’s mouth.

 

Kazunari gave up with a deep sigh. He got up and shoved the shoes to the ladybug backpack that he swung over his shoulder and lifted Fumi to his arms. The boy gave a toothy grin, and Kazunari couldn’t help but smile.

 

“Sometimes you’re a real demon,” he muttered under his breath and kissed Fumi’s plump cheek.

 

The morning had been absolutely hellish, Fumi hadn’t settled down at all, and he hadn’t been able to sleep properly himself in the new bed. Kazunari swallowed down another sigh, tightened his grasp from the tiny boy and glanced around for the final time, closed the lights and left the apartment.

 

Just across the hall he rang the doorbell and tried to ignore the fact that Fumi kept shoving the car against his cheek over and over again. Kazunari liked to think he was a patient person, but sometimes he was more than ready to blow a fuse. He ran the bell again, prayed to every deity known to him for Shintaro and Haru to be here soon, and finally took the toy away from Fumi. Silence fell over them. Kazunari frowned and swallowed when he looked into Fumi’s big, teary eyes. Knowing right away that he had fucked up majorly, he gave the car quickly back before the boy would cry a river over it.

 

When the door finally opened, Kazunari put up a smile on his lips. He greeted both Shintaro and Haru and felt a sting of jealousy; Shintaro looked refreshed even when it was early morning, while he looked like a wreck with the dark circles around his eyes. Still he smiled, to both of them.

 

“Go grab your backpack,” Shintaro said to Haru and ruffled his hair. When the boy shot off back to the apartment, Shintaro glanced at Kazunari. “Rough night?”

 

“Yeah,” Kazunari admitted. He pulled the car out of Fumi’s mouth and handed it back to the tiny fingers. “We both had a bit of a rough time to adjust to the new bed.”

 

“Moving to a new place isn’t easy to anyone, I suppose.” Shintaro smiled to his son who got back and said, “Let’s get going then, shall we?”

 

Kazunari nodded and lifted Fumi better to his arms. He examined the father and son in front of him and snickered – they really looked the same, both having rather serious expressions and a similar stance. Haru clutched the hem of his father’s shirt and glanced down at his toes every now and then. Kazunari caught a glimpse of Haru’s backpack that was in the shape of a bear and grinned.

 

“That’s an awesome bag you have, Haru-chan!” he said and turned around. “Look, Fumi has one from the same series, only with a ladybug.”

 

“Amazing,” Haru breathed in awe. His eyes were wide and wondering, and Kazunari gave him a wink.

 

It was a surprisingly warm autumn morning. Kazunari regretted the fact that he had put on such a jacket that made sweat crawl to his skin, but he complained none. Instead, he walked by Shintaro’s and Haru’s side and looked around with a hint of a smile constantly on his lips. There were the neighborhood’s children running on the pavement as well as the nearby playground, and everything seemed much livelier under the bright sunshine. It was very different from where they used to live – this seemed like a much better place to raise a child.

 

“I really like the area,” he said and turned to look at Shintaro. “I didn’t know there were so many kids around here.”

 

“It’s a family friendly neighborhood,” Shintaro said. “A lot of the families live across the street, though. There aren’t many in our building because of the size of the apartments.”

 

“Huh…”

 

They strolled forward in a pace mostly made by Haru who held hands with his father and skipped a bit every now and then. Kazunari sighed from content and held Fumi against his chest, and had to crouch every now and then to pick up the car that the boy loved to throw on the ground. When it happened again, his knees complained as he knelt down, but he caught a sight of matching red shoes with white laces on Shintaro and Haru. He snickered and got up.

 

“Nice shoes you have there, a matching pair,” he said.

 

Shintaro actually flustered, and it looked rather adorable. He adjusted his glasses and averted his gaze across the street. “They are today’s lucky items.”

 

“Lucky… items?”

 

“They bring you luck!” Haru exclaimed with a surprisingly wide smile.

 

“I’m not sure if I understand,” Kazunari admitted.

 

“It’s about Oha Asa,” Shintaro murmured from the corner of his lips. His cheeks glowed, but Kazunari wasn’t sure whether it was from the heat of the weather or embarrassment.

 

“I haven’t heard about Oha Asa before.”

 

“It’s about your horoscope,” Haru helped. “I’m a Cancer and Daddy’s a Cancer, so we have red shoes!”

 

“It increases your luck of the day, every sign has a different item every day, and by carrying the object with you, you don’t defy fate,” Shintaro said.

 

“Cute,” Kazunari snickered.

 

“I… I don’t know about that. It’s just something that I… sometimes do.”

 

“Lucky, lucky!” Haru chanted.

 

Kazunari couldn’t swallow down his laughter. It was an odd contrast in the otherwise similar pair; Shintaro seemed embarrassed beyond words while Haru skipped happily and smiled brightly. Fumi began to laugh, too, and Kazunari pressed the tip of his nose against his son’s cheek and nuzzled it. _What an interesting pair_ , he thought.

 

“So you believe in horoscopes?” he asked.

 

Shintaro cleared his throat and nodded.

 

“Adorable.” Kazunari smirked. “I’m… Scorpio, I think, is there anything interesting in that?”

 

“I’m not really familiar with other signs other than my own and Haru’s.” He moistened his lips and looked even more embarrassed than before. “But if I recall correctly, Cancer and Scorpio have a high compatibility today.”

 

“Cheers to that!”

 

They continued to walk in silence. From the corner of his eye Kazunari saw Shintaro nearly squirm, and he had a hunch that something further was going to be added to the conversation. He waited patiently and examined the details of Fumi’s toy.

 

“It’s weird, isn’t it?” Shintaro finally asked. “For a grown man to believe in such things.”

 

Kazunari’s lips curled to a thoughtful pout. Eventually his expression brightened. “I wouldn’t say it’s weird. We all have our hobbies, and I think everyone deserves to do something they like. You just like horoscopes, I don’t see anything wrong with that.”

 

He caught a glimpse of Shintaro’s genuine smile and thought that his heart was going to melt right at the spot. Words of encouragement circled in his mouth and the tip of his tongue, but he didn’t have the chance to say any of them when they already reached the kindergarten. It was a surprisingly large complex, children laughing and running and adults trying to keep up with them. Kazunari’s smile brightened, and gently he nudged Fumi’s cheek.

 

“Look, this is your new kindergarten,” he murmured. “Want to go and say hi to your new teachers?”

 

“No.”

 

Kazunari laughed and trailed behind Shintaro’s steps. Kids swarmed everywhere, looking as energetic as ever, and it gave him such a good mood. He thought he was mentally prepared for this, but when the moment came for him to hand over Fumi to one of the teachers, his heart did a nasty twist. Still, he put up a brave façade and smiled, waved his hand to his little boy. Fumi smiled at first, but when Kazunari didn’t pick him back to his arms, the boy’s eyes widened. Then the crying came, and the screams were loud enough to startle few adults around them.

 

“It’s okay, Fumi-chan!” He wanted to sob, too, but kept the smile on even when Fumi’s face turned bright red and got covered in fat tears and snot. “Daddy will come to pick you up in few hours, you’ll have fun here with these aunties and other kids.”

 

He thanked the teachers, bowed, and his heart sank to his stomach as he took the first steps away from Fumi. It really killed him, as he recognized Fumi’s crying through the other noises. He rubbed his nose and took a deep breath, and picked up his pace. Everything swirled around him, and nausea pooled in his stomach, rose up to his gullet and made his insides upset. Kazunari pushed the doors open, but even the fresh air didn’t help. He wanted to turn back, pick Fumi up and hug him tight, cover him in kisses and take him home. He could still do it… _That’s what I’ll do_ , he decided and took the twirl around.

 

Suddenly, his shoulder was squeezed gently, and he startled. He glanced up at Shintaro and saw him smile. His insides quivered. The hand felt gentle on his shoulder, soothing, and he took another deep breath. Shintaro led him along the pathway and through the gates of the kindergarten to a quiet street.

 

“Is it the first time that Fumi is in a kindergarten?” Shintaro asked.

 

Kazunari nodded and swallowed. A laughter escaped from him; he felt pathetic. He worked his fingers through his hair and rubbed his temples.

 

“I know how you feel.” Shintaro squeezed Kazunari’s shoulder once more and retreated his hand. “When Haru came here for the first time a year ago, I just wanted to get back home with him. Apparently he kept crying the whole day, but it was already better the next day.”

 

In a loss of words, Kazunari only nodded.

 

“Are you going to work now?” Shintaro asked.

 

“I’m actually unemployed.” Kazunari rubbed his nape. “Job-hunting. I didn’t _have_ to put Fumi to a kindergarten, but I thought it would be nice for him to have friends and…”

 

“I see.”

 

He breathed deep. Suddenly he thought that he was a loser – single father, no job, barely keeping it all together. He tried not to concentrate on the thought too much and instead tried to see the positive side of it. Still, a tight knot settled to the very pit of his abdomen.

 

“Anyway, do you happen to know any cheap supermarkets anywhere nearby?” he asked.

 

“Mm… There’s one by the station for sure.”

 

“Great.” Kazunari took a step back and wanted to turn around, but hesitation won him over. He lingered under Shintaro’s frown and eventually said, “Would you two like to come over for a dinner tonight? I was thinking of making pasta, Bolognese or something, and we could just get together and… eat.”

 

He didn’t know why, but he was certain that Shintaro would decline. When the other man gave him a smile all of a sudden, he was honestly smitten.

 

“We’ll come by.”

 

“Awesome. Uh… Are you going to work now or…?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“I won’t keep you here any longer, then!”

 

Kazunari flashed his nicest smile and exchanged the goodbyes with Shintaro. With a tilted head he watched the other’s figure walking farther and farther away, and when he no longer saw the sight of the green fluff of hair, he heaved out a sigh. He eyed the kindergarten right next to him and swallowed down the urge to drag Fumi back home straight away. Instead, he forced himself to concentrate on the recipes swirling in his mind and swore to make the best pasta of his life.

 

* * *

 

The doorbell rang exactly at the moment when Kazunari hoped it wouldn’t. He cursed under his breath and furiously mixed the sauce that showed all the signs of wanting to burn. So far the preparations had been a total disaster, which he couldn’t understand at all; he _was_ a good cook, he _was_ able to make something delicious, and suddenly it seemed like he had never even stood in front of a stove. He checked that the pasta hadn’t burnt – it wasn’t –, and took few steps towards the living room to see that Fumi was still in place in front of the TV with cartoons rolling on screen. He wiped his forehead to his forearm, cleaned his hands to the apron and rushed towards the hallway.

 

“Coming!” he shouted when the bell rang for the second time. He swung the door open and only caught a glimpse of Shintaro and Haru as he skipped back towards the kitchen with words of, “Get yourself settled, I have to check the sauce!”

 

He was somewhat embarrassed to invite them over to the ridiculous mess that still took over the whole apartment. He had spent the day cleaning up and clearing boxes, but there were still too many left. However, he had no time to ponder about it as he shoved the wooden spatula back to the sauce and mixed it. _This is the worst_ , he thought and knew he was going to be so happy when the dinner would be served. The various pots coughed steam to his face, and it was suddenly very hot. He took a step back and panted, wiped his face to the hem of the gaudy apron.

 

“Do you need a hand?”

 

His heart jumped to his throat from surprise, and he twirled around to see Shintaro’s figure leaning to the door frame. He licked his lips and looked around.

 

“Uh…” He tried to feverishly come up with something, _anything_ , so he could maybe talk to the other man just for a bit. “You could set the table… Ah, the stuff is on the box right next to you, I have Fumi’s plastic plates and cups here…”

 

He tried to concentrate on making the food, but every now and then he glanced from the corner of his eye how Shintaro moved around the kitchen effortlessly. A hint of a smile rose to Kazunari’s lips, and with a mood so much better than before he mixed the sauce. It bubbled happily, and the tomato dyed it redder than usually, but he was sure it tasted good.

 

“How was Fumi’s first day in the kindergarten?” Shintaro asked.

 

Kazunari glanced at him over his shoulder. “Apparently he cried a bit in the beginning, but then he found their stash of cars and trains and totally forgot that I even left him there.”

 

“That’s a relief.”

 

“Definitely.” He moved the pan on top of another hotplate and sieved the pasta. “By the way, do you work at the big hospital up the hill, Shintaro?”

 

“I work at the health center in town.” Shintaro moved right next to Kazunari and pressed his hip against the counter. “As soon as Haru’s old enough, I’m probably transferring to the hospital, though. Right now the center is the only place that makes it easy for me to take care of everything.”

 

“It’s always a bit hard with kids,” Kazunari said.

 

He couldn’t help but examine Shintaro’s features now that they were presented so close to him, and he stuck to his first verdict; Shintaro really looked good. He smiled and realized how goofy he must have looked, but couldn’t care less. If he had the choice, he would have stayed standing like this at least for a little eternity. Having some eye candy after such a long while felt good.

 

“Well… Dinner’s ready,” he said. “You can settle to the table, I’ll go get the boys.”

 

Kazunari found it amusing that both of the boys were completely nailed in front of the TV. The colors of the cartoon filled the whole room and made his head ache, but both of the little ones seemed to be more than fine. Fumi complained when Kazunari picked him up to his arms, but Haru walked nicely along to the kitchen. Kazunari battled it out with Fumi who _really_ didn’t want to sit in the highchair, but even his son showed a sunny expression when he got a little pink plastic plate full of carefully chopped pasta and some sauce in front of him.

 

“Help yourself,” Kazunari said as he settled the dishes in the middle of the table and took off the apron. “I don’t know how good it’ll taste, though, usually it’s alright but today everything went completely wrong.”

 

“I’m sure it’ll be just fine,” Shintaro reassured.

 

With a smile on his lips Kazunari settled next to Fumi. He let the boy eat on his own as long as it went smoothly, but when there was more pasta on the floor and the clothes than in his mouth, he helped a bit. Fumi protested nonetheless, but munched it with a good appetite. Kazunari rubbed some of the redness of the tomatoes away from the little cheek and glanced at Haru right across the seat.

 

“How was your day in the kindergarten?” he asked.

 

Haru swallowed the forkful of food he had and glanced up at his father. Shintaro nodded and smiled in a rather reassuring way.

 

“Fine,” Haru murmured. His cheeks glowed red. “W-We made these… cards and… I drew one for daddy…”

 

His voice trailed off, and he bit his bottom lip when Shintaro ruffled his hair. _So adorable_ , Kazunari thought immediately and wiped Fumi’s mouth clean again. Haru really seemed like a shy boy who was barely even able to look at him, but his eyes always shone bright when they were fixed to his father.

 

“That sounds really great,” Kazunari said and opened his mouth wide to coax Fumi to do the same. It succeeded. “Is the food edible?”

 

“It’s delicious, thank you for cooking for us,” Shintaro said.

 

“No problem!” Kazunari grinned. “Eating is always nice in a group, don’t you think, Fumi-chan?”

 

Fumi chewed his food, half of it hanging outside his mouth. Kazunari took it as a sign of ‘yes’ to the question.

 

“Daddy,” Haru whispered and tugged his father’s sleeve, “can you ask him now…”

 

Kazunari perked.

 

Shintaro brushed Haru’s arm. “Please wait for him to finish his food, okay?”

 

“What do you want to ask from me?” Kazunari gently asked. It made Haru blush thoroughly and hid his face to Shintaro’s arm. Shintaro gave a one-armed hugged to his son.

 

“He wants to know if he can go and watch cartoons.”

 

“Of course he can!” Kazunari moved the plate away from Fumi and cleaned his mouth and chin properly, picked him up and let him on his feet to the floor. “Fumi-chan, would you like to go and watch cartoons with Haru-chan?”

 

“Cartoons!” the boy shrieked.

 

“Don’t get too close to the TV,” warned Shintaro, but the boys already took off, Fumi stumbling behind Haru. Shintaro sighed, looked towards Kazunari. “I’m really sorry about that, it’s just that it’s time for the cartoons that he really loves…”

 

“I totally get it, don’t worry. I loved cartoons when I was a kid.” Kazunari stayed on his feet and took the final forkfuls of his share of food, admitted that it wasn’t half-bad after all, and gathered all the dishes. “You can go with them too, Shintaro, if you’d like. I’ll just do the dishes and be with you right in a second.”

 

Shintaro settled right next to him by the sink and rolled up his sleeves. “I’ll help you with the dishes.”

 

“That’s so nice of you, thanks.”

 

Somehow, the silence that settled between them didn’t feel awkward at all. Still out of reflex Kazunari filled it with humming and whistling, and Shintaro didn’t seem to mind. He rather liked doing dishes like this, right by someone’s side. He was elbows deep on water and soap, trying to make a throughout and fast job, and gave the plates one by one for Shintaro to dry. Every now and then he exchanged looks with him and grinned wickedly.

 

“This feels really weird,” he snorted. “My ex never bothered to help me with the dishes or anything. I felt like _I_ was the woman in the house!”

 

“It’s always nice to do dishes together with someone…”

 

Shintaro had such a serene smile on his lips, which made Kazunari bite the inside of his cheek. He felt like he had stepped on some kind of a strange landmine and didn’t press the matter any further. Maybe Shintaro still missed his late wife. Who was he kidding, _anyone_ would have missed their partner after their death. He frowned and stared at the forks that he cleaned and tried to avoid from poking himself with them. He moistened his lips and from the corner of his eye glanced at Shintaro’s lean figure. There was something extremely soothing in the sight. Although there wasn’t a smile on those slender lips, the other man still gave off a strangely warm feeling.

 

“Do you have any hobbies?” Kazunari asked as he handed over the final set of cutleries.

 

“I like to read whenever I have time for that.” Shintaro placed all the dried plates and glasses in a neat line right next to the sink and fixed his gaze to Kazunari. “I suppose I could count watching cartoon as my hobby too nowadays… Haru makes me watch them every single day.”

 

Kazunari laughed.

 

“What about you?”

 

“Uh… I don’t really have any hobbies anymore, but I used to play basketball when I was a kid.”

 

“Competitive?”

 

“Oh, no, I wasn’t anything great,” he snorted. “But I got to admit, I have this friend whose partner made it to NBA, and I’m sort of jealous of that.”

 

“They must have great skills in that case.”

 

“I guess.” Kazunari smiled to the cupboard in front of him. “Basketball was really fun as a kid, and although there were all these people so much better at it than me, I just kept doing it because it was just a lot of fun.”

 

“I can imagine,” Shintaro said.

 

Kazunari chuckled. “Okay, enough about me getting sentimental over my childhood. Do you want some beer?”

 

Shintaro looked troubled, which made Kazunari laugh.

 

“Don’t worry, I won’t get you drunk or anything, I’m a responsible adult! Just one can, that’s all.”

 

After some persuasion Shintaro finally accepted the offer, and Kazunari fished out two ice-cold cans from the fridge. He clinked his own to the other’s with a bubbly ‘Cheers!’ and took the first sip. The coldness went straight to his forehead, settled deep within the flesh and made him shudder from head to toe. He squeezed his eyes shut and felt his skin crawl to goose bumps, but nonetheless took another gulp. Shintaro drank with more modest sips and settled back by the table. After a while of going through his options and eyeing Shintaro, Kazunari sat right next to him.

 

“I’m happy we got such great neighbors.” He leaned his cheek to his arm. Shintaro’s eyelashes looked long behind the glasses and surely, if he wasn’t the dad across the hall, Kazunari would have probably tried to have his way with him already. He took a sip from the beer and licked the taste from his lips. “You know, Haru seems like a really great kid… I think I can learn a lot from you.”

 

“I really don’t know if you can learn anything from me,” Shintaro said.

 

Kazunari laughed. “Don’t be so modest!”

 

The kitchen filled with silence that got broken every now and then by the whirring of the fridge and the echoes of the cartoons. Kazunari licked his lips and bottomed the can in one large gulp, and had the bitter taste rolling on his tongue. He bit the inside of his cheek and tried to be as casual as possible while looking towards Shintaro. There was no way around it – this felt _cozy_ , as if they were a little family of four. The thought made him chuckle, but he masked it as a cough. _Way to get way ahead of yourself,_ he thought and fixed his gaze on the ridge of Shintaro’s nose.

 

“This might be inappropriate thing to ask,” he began, “but have you, like… Dated people after your wife, you know…?”

 

The corners of Shintaro’s lips tightened. “I haven’t. I don’t want to put Haru in a difficult position because he is used to the fact that there is only two of us in a family. Suddenly bringing in a new mother might confuse him.”

 

Kazunari nodded along and snickered. “As expected from a thoughtful father!”

 

“You…” Shintaro began but pressed his lips tightly together. He flustered, and his cheeks turned red in a very similar way than his son’s had for so many times.

 

The sight was adorable, rather precious in the face that was more often stern than anything else, and Kazunari’s lips curled higher. He slapped Shintaro’s shoulder and swore that he saw a tiny hint of a smile on the other’s lips, too.

 

“Why don’t we join the boy to watch some cartoons? The world would really end if we miss even a single episode,” he added.

 

When Shintaro agreed, Kazunari let his fingers linger on the round shoulder a moment longer. The fabric of the sweater felt extremely smooth and pleasant, and he wished he could have let his hand stay on the exact spot for a small eternity. He retreated it away, though, when Shintaro’s gaze fell on him together with a deep frown, and Kazunari laughed the touch away and rubbed his nape. That had definitely lasted too long. _Too suspicious_.

 

However, his good mood remained. He skipped on the couch and picked Fumi to his lap, and got a toy car crawling over his arm very soon. From the corner of his eyes he glanced at Shintaro take a seat right next to him with Haru on his other side. Kazunari was caught looking, and he grinned impishly. Although Shintaro averted his gaze to the TV and pushed his glasses to a better position, there was definitely a smile on his lips. _Definitely_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updates every Monday ( ´ ▽ ` )ﾉ


	3. Chapter 3

Water splashed everywhere as Fumi struggled in Kazunari’s arms. Although the soapy water got in his eyes during the strong kicks of the tiny legs, Kazunari did his best to keep a smile on his lips as he worked his fingers through his son’s hair. Fumi was really like a little cat, not very satisfied of the opportunity of taking a bath, and Kazunari did his best to distract him with a rubber duck. It worked, momentarily at least, and he rinsed the shampoo out of the boy’s hair. The bathtub was spacious enough for him to stretch his legs, but he kept them crooked to keep Fumi safely over surface.

 

The boy shoved the rubber duck to his father’s face. Kazunari spat the water out of his mouth and held Fumi tighter.

 

“Duck,” the boy simply stated.

 

“Good boy, that _is_ a duck!” Kazunari lifted Fumi up slightly. The duck dropped and bobbed up and down the surface.

 

“Duck!”

 

“What do ducks say, Fumi-chan? Do you know what they say?”

 

“No.”

 

“They say ‘quack quack’,” Kazunari helped and tickled the boy’s stomach. Fumi giggled. “Quack quack, quack, quack!”

 

Fumi laughed, and Kazunari took it as a sign that his son found it _hilarious_. The thought made him grin widely. He pressed the back of his head to the edge of the tub and groaned, let the warmth of the water relax his muscles. He had stayed sore for days now, and this was really the first bath that did wonders to his body. Another groan escaped him, longer and louder now, and he squeezed his eyes shut. He could have easily fallen asleep here if it wasn’t for Fumi who suddenly started to sound like a duckling and splashed more water around.

 

After a blissful moment, after he started to feel lightheaded from laying in the warm water for too long, Kazunari dove under surface for a second to wet his hair. He got back up and lifted Fumi from the bath, let him stood by the tub for a second. He was only in the process of getting out of it himself when the boy suddenly started to giggle and run around the bathroom naked.

 

“Fumi, don’t run!” he pleaded. Visions of slippery floor and cracked skulls filled his mind, and hastily he pushed himself out. “Come back to daddy, Fumi!”

 

The boy didn’t listen and instead, ran out of the bathroom. A trail of wet little footprints decorated the floor. Kazunari cursed and nearly fell, but grabbed a towel and followed Fumi anyway. Fumi laughed and quacked like maniac, stomped around the table in the living room and clearly did everything in power to avoid his father. Kazunari followed him like a fool, asked him nicely to come back, then used a harsher tone, but nothing worked. He felt silly, running around naked and dripping wet, and his temper slowly started to reach its end.

 

“Fumi!”

 

In the middle of the chaos the doorbell rang. _Exactly what I need right now_.

 

“Ding dong!” chimed Fumi. He ran towards the front door, slipped and got back up without a single sob. “Ding dong, ding dong!”

 

Kazunari rushed after him and got him cornered against the front door. He grinned and crouched on his knees. “Gotcha, Fumi-chan!”

 

“Ding dong.” Fumi’s voice muffled under the soft towel when Kazunari wrapped him to it and began to dry him off. “Dada, ding dong.”

 

“Yes, yes, wait just a second,” Kazunari muttered under his breath and wrapped the tiny body better to the softness. Fumi shuddered and closed his eyes, grunted a bit when his hair was ruffled with the towel. Kazunari rubbed his son’s cheek and said, “No running after bath, okay? It’s very dangerous and—“

 

The doorbell rang again, and it sounded more demanding this time. Kazunari sighed and hung his head, and without a second thought reached towards the door handle and opened the door. He looked up, and from the sliver of the opened door saw Shintaro’s figure. Immediately his lips curled to a smile, and he straightened his body. A frown rose to Shintaro’s face and looked incredibly deep. Quickly a blush covered his cheeks, too.

 

“Did I… come at an inconvenient time?” he asked.

 

“Not at all,” Kazunari said. “We just had a bit of an accident earlier and had to take a bath, nothing bigger! What’s up?”

 

The more Shintaro looked at him, the deeper his blush seemed to become. He cleared his throat and averted his gaze, ran his fingertips over his temples. “You’re… naked.”

 

“Huh?” Kazunari glanced down at himself and realized that Shintaro was very much right. The simple detail had slipped out of his mind but now that it was pointed out, he still didn’t feel an ounce of embarrassment. “Oh, oops! Uh, could you hold Fumi just for a second, I’m going to grab myself a towel.”

 

He skipped back to the bathroom and wrapped a towel around his waist, and couldn’t help but glance at himself through the mirror. He wasn’t in bad shape at all even when nearing his thirties, rather, he had miraculously managed to keep up his fitness and looked _hot_. To his reflection he smirked, and with ease strolled back to the front door. He couldn’t help but notice Shintaro’s stare when he got back, and he wondered what went through the other father’s mind. Maybe Shintaro, too, thought he was looking good. _You wish_ , Kazunari snickered in his mind.

 

“What’s up?” he repeated as he took Fumi in his arms.

 

The flustered expression never really left Shintaro’s face. “We were just about to have dinner and I was wondering if you would… like to come by and eat with us.”

 

“We’d love to! Give us just a second, we’ll dress up and come.”

 

“I’ll leave the door unlocked, come when you are ready.”

 

With ‘ _see you soon’_ s exchanged, Kazunari’s heart skipped few odd beats as he closed the door in front of his face. He glanced down at Fumi, who reached his fingers to his cheek, and felt his stomach turn to pleasurable knots. He really loved this whole neighbor business – it meant another evening not having to bother to cook, and nothing else could have made him happier. Droplets of water fell down from his hair to his abdomen, licked his skin and trickled down until they were swallowed by the edge of the soft towel. Kazunari bit his lip and absent-mindedly walked around with Fumi in his arms.

 

Five messy minutes later he tiptoed across the hall with Fumi by his side and pushed the door to Midorimas open. He felt like committing a crime of some sort, but the thoughts dissolved when a delicious scent twirled to his nostrils. His heart beat loud in his chest and wanted to jump out of his ribcage, but somehow he managed to keep his excitement in bay. Kazunari peeked to the kitchen and watched Shintaro sat by the table on his own. The other man was reading a magazine, his gaze falling over it intensely. Kazunari hummed.

 

“Here’s your extra mouths to feed,” he said.

 

Shintaro startled and glanced up, then pushed himself up on his feet. “Hey. Come sit down, I’m afraid that I don’t have a highchair for Fumi—“

 

“Oh, don’t worry about it, he can eat just fine on my lap.” Kazunari took a seat right across Shintaro and settled his son comfortably in his lap. Fumi seemed to have none to complain judging by his quietness, so Kazunari was satisfied. “What are you treating us?”

 

“Salmon. I hope it’s okay with the both of you.”

 

“We couldn’t be happier,” Kazunari said. “Where’s Haru?”

 

“He insisted on eating in the living room, it’s his favorite cartoon time.” Gently Shintaro rolled his eyes and settled two plates in front of the other man. “He is really loving the cartoon… It might go a bit overboard.”

 

“It’s good to have interests, though.” Kazunari settled the plate a bit farther away from Fumi’s eager hands and mashed the piece of delicious-looking salmon before giving a spoon to his son. Fumi’s first spoonful ended up on the table instead of his mouth, and Kazunari snorted. He rubbed the boy’s stomach and took a bite himself. It was hot, nearly on the brink of burning his palate. “This is insanely good, much better than my sad attempts of pasta!”

 

Shintaro gave out a short laugh as he claimed his seat back. “One of the perks of being a single father really is to learn how to properly cook.”

 

“You gotta give me cooking lessons in that case, because some days I really have no clue what I’m doing in the kitchen.”

 

“You have my word on that, then.”

 

Kazunari looked into Shintaro’s eyes and felt a pleasurable ache on his chest. He agreed to hold Shintaro on that promise and brushed some of Fumi’s hair behind his ear. The corner of his lips started to sting from all the smiling, but he really couldn’t help it when he was around the other man; there was something about Shintaro that just simply made Kazunari smile and grin like an idiot.

 

“How was your day?” Shintaro asked so casually.

 

“Boring.” Kazunari grabbed the spoon from Fumi and made sure that some of the food actually got into his mouth other than his surroundings. “I tried searching jobs online, but I grew tired of it really quickly. Just imagine being alone in the house for the whole day, not much to do…”

 

“Mm…”

 

He glanced up and found himself staring at Shintaro’s fingers. They were long, slender and delicate, a bit bony he supposed, but nonetheless gorgeous. He swallowed down the lump that threatened to rise to his throat and parted his lips. He thought of the fingers roaming on his skin, exploring, and jolted. _Shit_. Kazunari’s palms turned sweaty. _Don’t think about that, sure they’re pretty and all but—_

 

“Kazunari?”

 

“Huh?”

 

A light frown wrinkled Shintaro’s otherwise smooth forehead. “Are you alright?”

 

“Yes, yes, don’t worry! I just spaced out a bit.” Kazunari chuckled but averted his gaze down to Fumi again. The boy had abandoned the spoon and begun to eat by hands. “How was your day? Is it busy down in the health center or…?”

 

“It’s fairly quiet during the days.” Shintaro got up and walked by the sink, and although he started to do the dishes, he kept constantly glancing at Kazunari over his shoulder. “Mainly old people come by there, so I mostly write prescriptions and such.”

 

“Is it boring?” Kazunari asked. “I mean, do you want to do surgeries and all?”

 

Shintaro hesitated. “I wouldn’t mind, but I can still help people in the center. That’s the most important thing about being a doctor, isn’t it? Helping people.”

 

“I’m totally convinced that you are one hell of a doctor.”

 

A blush crept to Shintaro’s neck and ears, and the way he hastily averted his gaze made Kazunari snicker. He pressed his chin against his palm and rested his gaze on the sight of the other father. Somehow, he already looked up to Shintaro although they shared an age; Shintaro simply seemed like a reliable figure that could have made anything possible. Kazunari heaved out a soft sigh and examined Fumi’s hands that were covered in bits and pieces of salmon. He kissed the boy’s hair and smiled when Shintaro offered him some paper.

 

“Daddy!” Haru shrieked all of a sudden. He skipped to the kitchen, looking livelier than Kazunari had ever seen him, and held in his hands something that looked like a VHS tape. “Can you come put this on for me?”

 

Shintaro startled. A frown settled to his face, and all of a sudden he looked puzzled. Kazunari frowned, too, when he saw the man sneak a peek towards him. Shintaro cleared his throat and squeezed his son’s shoulder.

 

“Why don’t you watch it after the guests are—“

 

“Daddy, please! Please!”

 

“What is it?” Kazunari asked, definitely curious by now.

 

Haru looked at him with shining eyes. “It’s—“

 

“Nothing important at all,” Shintaro interrupted. “You can wait an hour or two, sweetie, then you can watch it…”

 

“But daddy!”

 

“Come on, let him watch it,” Kazunari said and got up, held Fumi in his arms and stepped by Haru’s side. “Come, I can put it on for you!”

 

“Kazunari.” Shintaro’s voice turned tense, rather dangerous.

 

Not a man to be shaken by such a thing, Kazunari gave Shintaro a lopsided smirk and trailed behind the skipping steps of Haru. Shintaro murmured something right behind him, but Kazunari couldn’t make out the words. He couldn’t think of a reason why the other would oppose his son watching a video so much. Maybe if it was about some private sex tape or something, but he honestly couldn’t picture Shintaro doing something so obscene. The thought, however, made his stomach pleasantly tighten.

 

He put Fumi on the couch right next to Haru and pushed the tape into the machine. First only darkness filled the screen, but suddenly it burst alive with bright colors. Kazunari squinted his eyes and crawled backwards and settled on the floor in front of his couch. He pursed his lips. It was a video clearly shot by hand, the sight trembled, but when it was zoomed out, it was obviously a basketball match. His expression brightened.

 

“What’s this?” He looked behind him at Shintaro who stood with his arms crossed and his lips tightened to a thin line. “It’s just a basketball match, isn’t it? What’s so bad about it?”

 

“But daddy plays in it!” Haru said.

 

Kazunari’s eyes widened. He stared at Shintaro and examined the blush deepen even more on the man’s cheeks, and nailed his gaze back on the TV. “Do you really play in this?”

 

He wasn’t given an answer. In awe he stared at the people swarming on the court, the teams warming up, and indeed – there was the somewhat familiar bush of green hair mid-court. Kazunari’s lips rose to a smile. The teams lined up, and when the whistle was blown and Haru turned the volume up, the crowd cheered loudly. It looked fierce and lively right from the very beginning. Kazunari absolutely loved it.

 

“It’s from high school,” Shintaro sighed.

 

Kazunari startled when the other settled on the floor next to him. He frowned and scanned the pout and the crunch on Shintaro’s forehead. Their eyes met, and Kazunari tilted his head and smiled gently.

 

“Haru likes basketball,” Shintaro murmured from the corner of his lips and glanced up to the couch. Kazunari followed his gaze and saw the boy’s eyes brighten even more. His whole figure was tensed, and the smile on his lips made Haru seem even more adorable than before. He sat right on the edge of the couch, his fists clenched. Shintaro smiled weakly and rubbed his nape, looked at Kazunari. “He watches it over and over again… It’s nothing special.”

 

“But you’re his dad, which makes you his ultimate hero.”

 

It seemed that Shintaro’s team dominated the game from the very beginning. Kazunari pulled his legs up and pressed his chin against his knee, felt Fumi yank his hair. It tickled more than it hurt, to be honest, so he let his boy continue. Adrenaline rushed through his veins from mere looking at the game; it seemed so much fun, and his mind itched to play, too. He hadn’t played in years and years, but now he felt a deep urge to do so while watching the clever plays both teams made.

 

Every now and then there was a glimpse of Shintaro on screen, when suddenly he seemed to become the very center of the entire game. Shintaro on-screen got the ball, and it felt like everything around him simply stopped moving. Kazunari felt his pulse by the root of his ear and leaned closer, held his breath. He watched the young man ready himself, lift the ball above his head and bounce. It was surely going to miss the net – Shintaro was right on the other end of the court! Teasing words already danced on Kazunari’s tongue.

 

However, the ball went in in a beautiful arc, higher than he had ever seen before. More beautiful was Shintaro, though, with his surprisingly relaxed body and serene expression. The crowd cheered, and so did Haru on the couch. Kazunari’s mouth dropped wide open. _Impossible_.

 

“O-Oi, wasn’t this supposed to be nothing special?” he stammered.

 

Shintaro looked at him and frowned. “It is nothing special.”

 

“Nothing… Nothing special?!” Kazunari’s breath got stuck in his throat. He felt his beating heart right next to his spine and shuddered. He swayed his hand towards the TV. “You… You… Just made a basket from the whole court’s length!”

 

Shintaro looked embarrassed. Kazunari stared at him with widened eyes and got a front seat in seeing the blush spread across the man’s face. He breathed heavily through his nose and tried to understand just _what_ he had just seen. Was such a shot even possible? Behind them Haru cheered again, and Kazunari moved his gaze so quickly to the screen that it hurt his neck. There Shintaro stood again, aloof, clearly after another of those miraculous baskets. Kazunari swallowed. Not even once had he seen a form so beautiful… His heart sped up, and his stomach tightened.

 

“You look gorgeous,” he breathed.

 

“That is a ridiculous thing to say,” Shintaro huffed.

 

“It’s not.” Kazunari pressed the back of his head against the couch and felt Fumi yank his hair. He shifted himself better to face Shintaro. “You do look gorgeous when you play basketball.”

 

“Shut up.”

 

A laughter bubbled in Kazunari’s chest. “Did you have a partner back then?”

 

“Excuse me?”

 

“On the court, I mean. Someone to support you and your talent.”

 

Shintaro averted his gaze. “No… But I didn’t need one.”

 

Without thinking too deeply about it, Kazunari reached his arm and nudged the other’s shoulder. Only when Shintaro jolted and shuddered, looked at him with wide eyes did Kazunari understand to pull his hand away. It lingered between their bodies, however.

 

“Do you still play?” he asked.

 

“I quit after high school.” Shintaro squirmed in his spot.

 

“That’s a real shame.”

 

“It wasn’t fun for me anymore, so I saw no reason to continue. Besides, I got into medical school and had no time for practice and such.”

 

Kazunari frowned. “So you haven’t played at all after high school?”

 

Shintaro shook his head, and Kazunari whistled. It was a lot of years with a quick count, and he couldn’t believe it; it had seemed that Shintaro on screen had _liked_ what he was doing. He could tell for sure that it was a real talent going to waste, but he didn’t press the matter further. Instead, he looked at Shintaro with kindness in his eyes and made the other man fluster. They exchanged no words, and the only sounds came from the TV, yet it still didn’t feel awkward at all. Kazunari actually felt comfortable being like this, sitting on the floor with Shintaro like they were mere kids. His heart fluttered.

 

His shoulder was tapped, and Haru leaned towards him, and poked him with the remote control. “Uncle… Could you rewind this?”

 

Kazunari threw his head back and watched the boy upside down, gave him a grin. “Of course, Haru-chan! We can watch this as much as you want, over and over again…”

 

He felt Shintaro’s gaze burn on him but didn’t mind single bit. With pleasure and selfish motifs as well he rewind the video a bit back and got to witness Shintaro’s beautifully strict shooting form over and over again. Kazunari pressed the back of his head back to the couch and let Fumi work his fingers through his hair and yank them. The more he watched the match and its same twists and turns, the more he smiled.

 

“Gorgeous,” he murmured under his breath. He really wished that one day he could witness the miracle with his own eyes right in front of him. Shintaro nudged his knee and gave him a glare, to which Kazunari answered with a bright grin. Whether it was Shintaro on TV or Shintaro right next to him, the sight was still lovely. The bottom of his abdomen nipped pleasantly, and he let out a huff. His skin crawled, and he swore he could have watched both versions of Shintaro for the rest of the day without getting bored at all.


	4. Chapter 4

Kazunari sang from the top of his lungs and danced wildly with the vacuum cleaner. Being alone at home for the whole day had its perks, and this was definitely one of them. He crouched and picked the toys up from the floor, vacuumed the underside of the couch and continued the song to its dramatic drum solo. He squeezed his eyes shut and danced, felt like someone’s housewife that tried to have fun at least once in her life. The thought made him laugh.

 

His laughter, however, quickly turned to violent coughs. He shut down the vacuum cleaner and bent down, coughed until his throat was aching and sore. A sigh escaped him as he forced his posture back straight. He ran his fingers over his neck and swallowed, felt a pain deep within. He coughed again.

 

“Fuck,” he muttered under his breath and continued cleaning. He was definitely getting sick, he knew that from his _still_ sore muscles and the rumbling ache on his throat and esophagus. He moistened his lips and stared at the juice stain on the couch, decided to tackle it later in the evening. Carefully he cleared his throat and continued to sing anyway despite the uncomfortableness in his muscles. If his voice would strain later, well, at least he had had fun.

 

Kazunari twirled around and jumped on the couch, sang and thanked the vacuum cleaner’s existence, as surely his voice wouldn’t carry up- and downstairs. Fumi would go crazy if he’d see his daddy on the couch like this, he knew, since he always forbade it from his son. He grinned. In the midst of his wild guitar solo he heard a faint resemblance of his ringtone and stopped dead on his tracks, frowned. Listening a moment longer, he realized that it _was_ his phone, and like a gazelle he jumped down and pressed the off switch of the cleaner with his big toe.

 

Just in time he managed to reach the phone, out of breath. “Takao.”

 

“It’s Shintaro.”

 

With the speed of light a smile rose to Kazunari’s lips. He felt dizzy just from hearing Shintaro’s voice right next to his ear. He stumbled steps back until he hit the wall with his back and covered his mouth with the back of his palm. It was ridiculous to feel this happy just from hearing someone’s voice – also, he shouldn’t have felt like this, and all of him knew it.

 

“It’s rare for you to call me,” he said.

 

“Is it?” It sounded like Shintaro chuckled. “I actually have a favor to ask, are you home?”

 

“Just for a little while, I was about to go and pick Fumi up from the kindergarten.” Kazunari pressed his back better to the wall and fiddled with a hole in the hem of his shirt. His smile lessened none. “But ask me anyway.”

 

“That’s actually perfect. Could you get Haru at the same time? I got caught up with work, and I don’t think I can leave as soon as I planned…”

 

“Yeah, I’ll do that, no problem.”

 

“Thank you, I owe you. I’ll inform the daycare.”

 

Kazunari grinned. “Treat us dinner and we’re even.”

 

“That is settled, then. I’ll come by in the evening.”

 

The call ended. Kazunari grasped the phone tightly in his grasp and bit his bottom lip to stop smiling so damn widely. His heart went crazy in his chest, beating like a maniac, as if he was a horny teenager all over again. He worked his fingers through his hair and squeezed his eyes shut, stayed still for a moment. Shintaro had sounded really good… Maybe a bit strained and exhausted, but good nonetheless. Kazunari shuddered from head to toe and licked his lips.

 

Eventually he had to push himself away from the wall and get ready. His mind was filled with thoughts of Shintaro, both innocent and ones that made him feel guilty, but there was no stopping them. He whistled a happy tune, hummed a children’s song that had been stuck to his head for days. He was happy that he didn’t have to cook today, but he rejoiced more of the fact that he could spend more time with both Shintaro and Haru. It seemed that Fumi had gotten used to those two as well, always wanting to play with his toys beside Haru. Kazunari’s smile was imprinted on his lips for good, and with ease he finished tidying up around the house.

 

When he eventually got to the kindergarten in a cold breeze, the building swarmed with parents. He maneuvered his way through the crying and shouting kids and their worrying moms and dads and shuddered from coldness. Hugging himself rather awkwardly, Kazunari tiptoed to catch even the faintest glimpse of either Fumi or Haru. After seeing neither, he stopped the nearby teacher.

 

“Have you seen Fumi? I’m supposed to pick Haru as well, I don’t know if his father called…” He glanced around in the hopes of seeing familiar dark or green hair.

 

“He did call,” she said with a gentle smile, then looked thoughtful. “I saw Fumi-chan by the building blocks and Haru-chan in the drawing room.”

 

“Thanks!”

 

Just as she told, Fumi was found by the colorful blocks. Kazunari leaned against the door frame and watched his son in silence, saw him share the blocks nicely with another boy for a while until they got into a screaming argument over the only purple one. Kazunari swallowed down a sigh and stepped in, ruffled Fumi’s hair.

 

“Dada!” Fumi’s eyes brightened but his grasp from the purple block tightened. The other boy started to sniff. “Dada, my block. Dada!”

 

“Come here, you little rascal,” Kazunari murmured and lifted Fumi in his arms, gave away the building block to the other little boy. Immediately Fumi’s bottom lip trembled, but Kazunari gently brushed away the crocodile tears on the plump cheeks and kissed the boy’s temple. “Daddy’s taking you home now, say bye to your friends. Haru-chan’s coming with us, isn’t that nice?”

 

“Mm.”

 

Fumi looked pleased in Kazunari’s arms and no longer cried, either. A smile brightened Kazunari’s expression as he strolled towards the drawing room, evaded the small kids crawling on the floor with such determination. The noises were loud and high, and Kazunari couldn’t imagine how the teachers managed to stay sane with so many children around. In the correct room he spotted Haru immediately by the table by himself.

 

“Haru-chan!” Fumi shrieked.

 

The green-haired boy startled and looked over his shoulder. A shy smile rose to his lips, but quickly he turned back and continued whatever he was doing. Kazunari stepped closer and ended up crouching beside the boy. He examined the colorful drawing that Haru had made, and although he wasn’t exactly sure what it portrayed, it still looked pretty. He ruffled Haru’s hair, and Fumi reached his hand to do the same.

 

“Your daddy called and said he’s going home a bit later today than usually… So you’re coming home with us to wait for daddy,” Kazunari said.

 

Haru dropped the pencil he held and looked up. His bottom lip trembled, and Kazunari could tell that there was real distress in those eyes. He swallowed down a lump in his throat and tilted his head, frowned and gently stroked Haru’s hair.

 

“Is that okay with you?” he asked.

 

Haru nodded and rubbed his eyes with the back of his palm. Kazunari’s heart stung, and he supposed the boy’s reaction was more than normal – they had only known each other for few funny weeks after all, and now his daddy wasn’t going to come. He pushed himself up on his feet, put Fumi down and offered his hand to Haru. He made sure to smile as gently as possible.

 

“Why don’t we make something really yummy while we wait for daddy to come back home?” He entwined his fingers to Haru’s when the boy took his hand, and led both of the kids outside. The pace was slow due to Fumi’s stumbling steps. Kazunari looked at Haru and tried to ignore the ache that burnt his chest as he saw the downcast eyes. He asked, “Is there something you’d really, _really_ like to eat, Haru-chan?”

 

“Ice cream!” screamed Fumi instead and jumped up and down on the pavement.

 

Kazunari laughed. “Come on, Fumi-chan, today Haru-chan can decide, we can eat ice cream tomorrow.”

 

Haru stayed quiet for the longest of times. Eventually he whispered, “Pancakes.”

 

“Pancakes?” Kazunari repeated and grinned widely. “We’ll make a big patch of pancakes, alright? And when your daddy comes home, he can eat some of them, too! I’m gonna make them extra yummy just for Haru-chan.”

 

Looking down at the boy again, he noticed a faint blush on Haru’s cheek. He snickered; Haru looked exactly like his father. He tightened his grasp from both boys’ fingers and whistled another happy tune as they slowly yet surely approached the right building. Somehow, the more he walked, the dizzier Kazunari felt, not to mention the soreness in his throat that grew more unbearable every second. His skin also felt burning hot, but he blamed it on the hot autumn sun. In his mind he went through a list of all the things they would need for making pancakes and swallowed down any coughs than wanted to get out of his system.

 

* * *

 

“…nari. Kazunari?”

 

Kazunari groaned. His temples pounded, all of his head seemed to be on fire. He swallowed, but his dry throat made it painful. Suddenly it felt like none of his body worked properly; everything ached, and there was an annoying little sound right on the root of his ear. He let out another groan when his name was called again and tried to open his eyes but they were bricked close. He felt groggy and damp allover, and wanted to vomit.

 

He tried to push himself up but collapsed right back on the softness. Where was he? He gritted his teeth together and forced his eyes to open. Everything was blurry, but somehow he recognized a shape of a man right in front of him. Kazunari rubbed his eyes and focused his gaze on the green bush of hair. He pressed the tip of his tongue against his palate and tried to swallow the nausea back down to his stomach.

 

“Shin…taro?” he whispered. His whole body trembled, and he found no strength in his muscles. A layer of cold sweat covered his forehead, and he kept shivering. “What’s going on…?”

 

“Haru said you fell asleep on the couch quite some time ago.”

 

Kazunari let the fact sink in, and then muttered under his breath, “Shit…”

 

He remembered eating pancakes and afterwards the urge to desperately take a nap but _not_ this kind of aching in even the tiniest crook of his body. He took a deep inhale through his nose, and when he regained his vision, forced himself up on his feet. From the very first moment he was unsteady and stumbled, lost his balance but Shintaro caught him just in time. Kazunari grunted in the other man’s arms that were – no doubt – very warm and soothing. However, it was _too_ warm, and his entire body was on fire.

 

The world spun as Shintaro helped him sit down. Kazunari hung his head low and wished there was a sudden cure for the hellish headache. He coughed and feared his lungs to come out of his mouth. A violent shudder pierced his body when Shintaro worked his fingers through his hair.

 

“Are you alright?”

 

“I’m fine.” Straight after Kazunari coughed again and knew that no one would buy his words. He rubbed his sweaty forehead and felt his cheeks glow. “Where… are the boys?”

 

“Playing with toys in Fumi’s room. Are you really alright? You don’t look so well.”

 

“I’m fine,” he grumbled. He couldn’t help himself and leaned his head against Shintaro’s shoulder, and shivered. His eyes hurt, and he wanted to gauge them out of their sockets. Surely his head was going to explode any minute now. “I can’t believe I… left the boys… unattended…”

 

Shintaro hummed and moved his fingertips suddenly on Kazunari’s forehead. They felt nicely cool and extremely soothing. Kazunari sighed and let his eyes slip close, enjoyed the touch of the other’s hand.

 

“You’re burning hot,” Shintaro breathed. Some rustling filled Kazunari’s ears. “Do you have a thermometer?”

 

“In the bathroom,” he murmured.

 

Shintaro’s weight disappeared from the couch, and Kazunari wanted to whine _please don’t go_. The words didn’t come out of his mouth, however, and he felt so lonely and even sicker than he already was. He slumped down on the couch and pressed his cheek tightly against the cushion, groaned and drooled a bit. _Please don’t make me sick_ , he begged from every deity, _let it slide just this once, just this once…_

 

He hummed when a hand stroked his cheek. He rubbed his cheek against the chilly skin and felt thoroughly happy. His insides filled with warmth, and he was nothing but a burning mess from head to toe.

 

“Open your mouth,” Shintaro said in what was surely his good doctor tone.

 

Kazunari complied and parted his lips. The thermometer felt cool inside his mouth, and he let out a content hum. He glanced up to Shintaro and was sure that there was worry hiding behind the glasses. Maybe it was Shintaro’s doctor expression, but whatever it was, it made Kazunari’s heart race a bit faster. His skin glowed from heat, and he couldn’t avert his gaze any longer. He stared into the man’s eyes and for his surprise, Shintaro looked back at him. Swallowing down his hesitations, Kazunari reached his hand towards Shintaro’s arms, his fingertips only an inch away from the skin that would have surely felt smooth.

 

The thermometer beeped, and he jolted, retreated his hand away. Shintaro leaned closer and pulled the meter out of Kazunari’s mouth, examined it with care and a deep frown.

 

“I knew it…” He sighed. “Thirty-nine degrees.”

 

Kazunari smiled sheepishly. “What are the doctor’s orders?”

 

Shintaro got embarrassed for sure, judging by the blush that crept on his cheeks. He cleared his throat and rubbed his forehead, averted his gaze and looked thoroughly _adorable_ in Kazunari’s opinion. Kazunari coughed to his palm and grunted. This felt like dying, only slower and more painful, but at least the last sight he would see was Shintaro’s face. He chuckled but coughed straight afterwards.

 

Finally Shintaro said, “Go lay down on your bed, I’ll make you something to eat.”

 

“Got it, doc.”

 

Kazunari mustered the strength to work himself up on his feet. Once accomplishing it, he wasn’t feeling so good at all. He held his head and groaned, hoped for the headache to end as soon as possible and took the first step. He stumbled but remained on his feet, glanced up and felt that the bedroom was so far away. With shaky steps he proceeded, leaned against the walls and felt Shintaro’s gaze burn on the back of his head. Steps soon echoed behind him, and the other man was right by his side with the deepest frown he had ever seen.

 

“Do you need help?” Shintaro asked.

 

“I’m completely fine… don’t worry about me.” Kazunari’s smile got covered under a storm of violent coughs. He swallowed and clutched Shintaro’s shirt, looked up at him and shuddered. “I’m sorry I left the boys unattended… Something could have happened while I was just… sleeping…”

 

Shintaro squeezed his shoulder. “But nothing happened. Don’t think about it and rest a bit, you’ll feel better tomorrow.”

 

_What a nice man he really is_ , Kazunari thought and smiled weakly. _Exactly my type, so responsible and good-looking, I just want him to pin me against the wall_ …

 

He squeezed Shintaro’s shirt once more and pushed himself away, tried to ignore his thoughts and stumbled to the bedroom. It was surprisingly dim, and only then did he realize that he had no idea what time it was. He slumped down on the bed and suffocated with his face pressed against the pillow, but didn’t have the energy to roll on his side. He chuckled from misery.

 

What a lousy father he really was, napping like that with two young kids in his house. Something could have happened, the boys could have turned on the stove or get out of the apartment and get hit by a truck. Kazunari moaned and pressed his face better to the pillow. Shintaro would never entrust his son to him again. He knew he had to apologize to Shintaro, and he also had the urge to take both of the boys to his arms and hug them tight. Yes, that was what he was going to do. He tried to get up but failed and fell straight back to the bed. His body shuddered from laughter, and he squeezed his eyes shut. He would rest just a tiny bit, just a tiny, tiny bit and _then_ he would apologize.

 

As drool trickled from his mouth to the chin, he nodded off.

 

“Kazunari,” a gentle voice called him. His cheek was stroked, and he rubbed his skin against the soft palm and hummed. The dreamy voice called him again.

 

Little by little he opened his eyes. The room had turned pitch black but still he recognized the vague shape of Shintaro crouching by the bed. Kazunari bit the inside of his cheek to stop a foolish smile from invading his lips. He wiped the dried drool from his mouth and pressed his cheek harder against the pillow, let his eyes slip back close. He felt Shintaro’s warm breath tickle his skin, and it felt heavenly in the midst of all the pain. A sigh escaped from him.

 

“What time is it?” he murmured. The hand disappeared from his cheek, and he was sure he had just hallucinated it to be there in the first place.

 

“Almost midnight,” said Shintaro. “The boys fell asleep, so I was wondering if Haru and I could stay the night here. I don’t want to wake them up when they sleep so soundly.”

 

“You can stay.” _What the hell_ , the smile rose up to his lips anyway. Kazunari rubbed his heavy eyelids and let out a sweet yawn. Happiness bubbled in the pit of his abdomen as if he was nothing more but a teenager. He hummed. “Shin…chan, please sleep with me on the bed…”

 

“What did you call me?”

 

“Eh?” Kazunari rubbed his eyes and took a peek towards Shintaro and wrinkled his nose. “Shin-chan…”

 

“Don’t call me that, it sounds ridiculous.”

 

Kazunari would have given all of his possession to know what kind of a face Shintaro was making at the exact moment. Thinking about the flustered, embarrassed side of the good doctor, Kazunari snorted and stretched his limbs. He said, “But you like exactly like someone called Shin-chan, so you’re Shin-chan…”

 

“Stop it.”

 

“Shin-chan…”

 

“I’m serious.”

 

“Shin- _chaaaan_.”

 

Shintaro heaved out a heavy sigh. “You’re such a child.”

 

“Maybe,” Kazunari muttered to the pillow. Blindly he stretched his arm and aimed it towards Shintaro, and managed to clutch the front of his shirt. He hummed. “Could you come and sleep with me? I’m so cold…”

 

“Hm,” was the only thing that came out of Shintaro’s mouth.

 

Kazunari prepared himself for an overwhelming disappointment, but suddenly the bed’s springs complained and the mattress shifted. With wide eyes he stared at the darkness in front of him and felt his heart going absolutely maniac deep within his flesh. He couldn’t believe it – Shintaro had really taken up his offer and laid right on the other side of the bed. Kazunari swallowed and fiddled the fabric of his pants, tried to calm himself down. His heart didn’t obey, and neither did his mind. It was suddenly hotter than before, and his skin glowed. Shintaro was there, he would only have to reach out for him to be able to touch him…

 

He took a shivery breath, mustered up all his courage and inched himself backwards until his back pressed against Shintaro’s chest. The man behind him startled but didn’t pull away.

 

“What are you doing?” There was a hint of annoyance in Shintaro’s voice.

 

“I told you, I’m cold,” Kazunari mumbled. He thanked for the darkness, knowing fully well how incredibly flustered he was. He searched for a better spot, twisted and turned until he crooked his legs and curled fully against Shintaro. Their bodies fitted well together, complemented each other. Kazunari felt his pulse on his back and all over his skin, and he kept staring in front of him, afraid that Shintaro would realize what he was doing and freak out. It seemed that Shintaro settled to the situation, though, and layered his other arm over Kazunari’s hip.

 

Kazunari groaned under his breath and felt blood travel below his navel. _Endure it, endure it…_ He closed his eyes shut and held his breath for a second, listened Shintaro breathe and felt the warmth against his neck. _Endure it_. He felt lightheaded. If Shintaro would question his acts tomorrow, he would pin it down on the fever. The other man was so close, so, _so_ close, and the warmth of another body made his skin crawl pleasantly. _Endure it, just endure it…_

“You should take better care of yourself,” Shintaro said. His words twirled right on Kazunari’s nape and made the dark baby hair rise.

 

“I can’t remember the last time I was scolded by a doctor,” Kazunari chuckled under his breath.

 

“I’m serious.”

 

“Me too.” He glanced at Shintaro over his shoulder and gave him a tired smile. “I just… strained myself while moving in, don’t fuss about it…”

 

“I’ll write you a prescription tomorrow,” Shintaro said and finally peeled his chest away from Kazunari’s back. His arm stayed over the other’s hip, however. “You simply need a lot of rest, and you need to stay in bed for a while. I don’t think Fumi wants his father to be sick for too long, either.”

 

Fumi’s name with Shintaro’s voice made the bottom of Kazunari’s stomach twist nastily. He averted his gaze and pressed his cheek back against the cool pillow. Nausea piled inside him and wanted to burst out. He really felt like such a bad father because he got sick. Of course it wasn’t something he could have helped, but it still made him feel awful. He stayed still and shuddered in Shintaro’s half-assed embrace. If there was one thing Kazunari wanted, then it was to turn around to face Shintaro and hug him tight. Not a single part of him moved, however. He only breathed harder and stared at the darkness that looked more menacing than ever.

 

“Kazunari?” Shintaro asked.

 

Kazunari bit his bottom lip and held his breath, tried to stay as quiet as possible. His pulse was getting out of control. He examined the bigger part of the bed where no one laid, and his chest ached.

 

“Did you fall asleep?” Shintaro whispered.

 

He said nothing, and quickly Shintaro gave up as well. For a silly moment Kazunari thought that the other man tightened his grasp from his waist and pulled closer, but he came to the conclusion that his feverish mind simply made it up. If only it was so! Discouraged, Kazunari pressed his eyes closed and wished that somehow tomorrow he would become a better father, someone more suitable to be a daddy, someone as capable as Shintaro. The thought made his chest feel incredibly hollow, and carefully he shifted his body to fit into Shintaro’s figure better. Maybe it was just an illusion, but for a moment or two, he didn’t feel lonely at all. Even the desperation gnawing his mind didn’t seem as heavy as he thought it would.


	5. Chapter 5

Kazunari woke up with a hellish headache. From the very first moment that he regained his consciousness, he already had the bitter taste of bile in his mouth. Somehow he managed to swallow down the nausea that wanted to taint the sheets. The blankets glued to his damp skin, and if he hadn’t known better, he would have been certain that he had slept in the midst of the highest heat in mid-summer.

 

He moaned and pulled himself to a tight curl, his muscles complaining from even the smallest of movements. He had slept surprisingly well but felt even worse than yesterday evening – his throat had grown sore and raspy, his skin burned everywhere, and his lungs ached from every single cough he gave out. However, quiet snorts and chuckles escaped him. He definitely wasn’t alone, he could tell. There was someone sleeping right behind him, and it was someone _very_ special. Kazunari grinned like an idiot.

 

“Shin-chan…” he called, his voice singing. With much effort he rolled on his side and settled his brightest, gentlest smile on his lips just for Shintaro to see. “Shin…chan…”

 

The bed was empty. His face turned to an ugly grimace. He patted the mattress next to him just to be sure about it and had to come to the conclusion that there was really no one there. A frown formed wrinkles to his forehead. He couldn’t believe it, he had so vividly felt another man’s weight right next to him a second ago! Kazunari forced himself to sit up and ruffled his hair, looked around the room. It was quiet. Disappointment curled its ugly fingers around his heart and made the organ skip nasty beats. He hadn’t imagined everything, right? Shintaro had slept beside him, held him tight, snuggled closer and snored lightly in his sleep…

 

Thinking that he was going insane, Kazunari swung his legs over the bed and got up. His knees buckled and everything twisted around him, but he forced himself to stay balanced. Now that he thought about it, it was eerily quiet. It was _never_ quiet with a two year old son, and he couldn’t help but wonder where Fumi had gone. His chest tightened and his steps turned hastier, his breath heavier. He slammed the door violently opened and shielded his eyes from the morning sun that peeked through the curtains of the living room. A grunt escaped his mouth.

 

With trembling steps he walked around, nausea pooling inside him even worse than before. The whole apartment felt dead. Where was Fumi? Kazunari’s palms turned sweaty as he stumbled through the rooms, but emptiness greeted him. His breaths hitched higher, and he swirled around, worked his fingers through his hair.

 

“Shin-chan?” His voice shivered. He really sounded like he was going to cry any second now.

 

Only silence answered him.

 

“Shintaro?” he asked. He shouldn’t have slept like so carelessly. Where was his little boy? He was no longer in control of his lungs that pumped oxygen fiercely in his system and made him lightheaded. He rushed to the kitchen. “Shintaro!”

 

He swallowed down a string of curses when he spotted a little note in the middle of the dining table. His fingers turned hungry and grasped the piece of paper with such speed. Kazunari squinted his eyes and tried to focus on the lines of words, but it was a blur. “Calm down,” he muttered to himself and took a deep breath. Part of him really wished that Fumi would come screaming and clinging to his leg with a huge smile on his lips. Kazunari rubbed his eyes to his forearm and forced himself to concentrate on the note.

 

_Kazunari_ , it said. _I took the boys to the daycare and will pick them up later, I’ll also drop by to give you some medicine. Stay in bed and stay hydrated (doctor’s orders), I made porridge for you and it is in the fridge. When you wake up, call this number. Shintaro._

 

Kazunari fell on his knees and pressed his forehead against the edge of the table. He laughed, so much in fact that his abdomen began to hurt. He couldn’t help himself. What had he been thinking, that Shintaro would have kidnapped his son? He laughed even harder and coughed straight afterwards. Little by little his laughter died and when it did, he heaved out a sigh and examined the fine layer of dust on the floor. He clutched the note in his grasp and glanced at the phone number. What on Earth was Shintaro doing? This was definitely sending him very wrong signals – these things were done to partners or spouses, not to neighbors known only for a week or two.

 

He hesitated but obediently called anyway. Listening the beeping of the phone was surprisingly nerve-wracking, and he sat properly down on the cold floor, wrapped his arm around the leg of the chair. He closed his eyes and moistened his lips. The words on the note circled around his mind, as well as _false hope, false hope, he’s not into you_. It pierced his chest and made him want to end the call before Shintaro even answered. Kazunari thought of his son and how he hadn’t even woken up to his cries – had Fumi been so alright going to the kindergarten without his daddy? Kazunari’s chest tightened.

 

“Health clinic, how may I help you?” a gentle female voice suddenly asked.

 

It threw him off balance. He parted his lips and stuttered, cleared his throat and tried to come up with something to say. His mouth had turned to Sahara all of a sudden. “Is… Is doctor Midorima there?”

 

“Please wait a moment.” Papers were rustled, and on the background a lot of noises echoed. Out of the blue she huffed. “Who might be calling him?”

 

“Uh…” Kazunari tangled his legs around the chair and felt like a kid himself. “I’m his patient, he told me to call…”

 

“I’ll put you through,” she said.

 

“No! No, you don’t have—“

 

“Midorima,” Shintaro’s familiar voice chimed.

 

Kazunari pressed his palm against his mouth and took a sharp breath through his nose. His heart felt funny, ticking like a maniac and not settling down no matter what. He listened the silence that fell through the call and licked his lips again, examined the fine hair on his legs and hoped he had put something on other than his underwear – it was ridiculously cold.

 

“Kazunari here,” he finally said.

 

“Hey.” Somehow, Shintaro sounded almost _happier_. “I didn’t think you would be awake so early. How are you feeling?”

 

“Feverish.”

 

“Did you check your temperature already?”

 

“No, I just woke up.”

 

“Hm. Stay in bed or alternatively on the couch, don’t get too worked up. I’ll bring you medicine in the evening, but your fever should get down during the day.”

 

“Thanks,” Kazunari murmured. He had a sudden urge to vomit although his stomach was completely empty. His insides turned nastily, wrapped to twists and knots. He huffed and squeezed his eyes shut, pressed his palm against his forehead. “Hey, um… How was Fumi this morning?”

 

“Fumi?” Shintaro sounded thoughtful. “He was a bit upset because he had to leave his father behind, but that was really it.”

 

Kazunari frowned. “Didn’t he cry or anything?”

 

“He was about to but I calmed him down, I didn’t want to wake you up.”

 

“Mm…” Again his chest filled with sharp pain. He clutched the front of his shirt and quivered. He forced a smile on his lips even when Shintaro wasn’t able to see him. “I think I’m going to get back to bed and sleep some more… Thanks for taking care of my son.”

 

“It’s not a problem at all.”

 

After the call ended, Kazunari gripped the phone tightly in his hand. His knuckles turned white and it hurt, but he didn’t let go. He hated the tiny nuisance of a pain in his chest, doing as it pleased, making him sick. He knew what the feeling was but wouldn’t have said it aloud no matter what. At the end of the day the fact was that Shintaro was a much more capable and respectful father who even managed to calm down other people’s children. Kazunari groaned and pressed the phone to the floor, tried to ignore the idea of what a shitty father he was himself.

 

He sat still for the longest of times until his bottom was starting to freeze. Barely he managed to push himself up but when he did, he maneuvered straight to the bedroom to bury himself under layers and layers of clothing. He felt like an Eskimo underneath two gaudy sweaters, but at least they kept him warm. With unsteady legs he paced around the apartment, looked at the walls and wondered whether he should hang some photos on them. He thought of Fumi and couldn’t believe his own little runt for not putting up a proper fight for leaving his daddy behind.

 

Somehow, he ended up in front of the fridge staring at the cans of beer in the shelf right on his eye level. Shintaro wouldn’t drink during the day for sure… Kazunari heaved out a sigh and pressed his cheek against the edge of the opened door. He was getting too fixated on Shintaro, in various levels. He rose to his toes and shifted his weight from one foot to another, sucked on his bottom lip. Shintaro would surely be a suited partner for anyone.

 

“One beer won’t hurt anyone,” he told the fridge.

 

The fridge didn’t complain, thus Kazunari took it as a sign of agreement. He curled his fingers around the cold can and smirked to it, although it sent shivers under his skin. With difficulties he settled himself on the couch and stretched his limbs, took the first big gulp. Some of the beer trickled to his chin but he didn’t mind at all. Shintaro ran constantly on his mind, and he thought of giving the oldest pick-up line to the other man as soon as he would see him. _That_ would surely make Shintaro flustered!

 

One beer quickly turned to another. He hugged a cushion against his chest and lazily followed a cooking show on TV. The chilly surface of the can prickled under his fingertips, made him want to drop it on the floor altogether, but he tightened his grasp and endured. He tilted his head to the sight of stuffed chicken and moistened his lips. Wondering whether Shintaro could make such a dish or not, Kazunari was suddenly very convinced that it was the case. He bottomed the can and wiped his mouth to the back of his palm. If Shintaro would be his cute wife… No, _he_ would be the wife in their relationship. Kazunari snickered and groaned straight afterwards. What a wife would he be, cooking more horrible things than the husband!

 

Had Shintaro taken some special course to become a good, skillful father? Kazunari’s lips curled to a pout as he opened the third can. He wanted on such a course, too… This was such a mistake, after all. Not the beer part – he _was_ keeping himself hydrated per doctor’s orders after all –, but _this_ , this whole living along with a kid thing. Kazunari stared at the ceiling that looked more spacious than ever. He squirmed and moaned, ruffled his hair. What the hell was he thinking? He would never, ever give up on Fumi just like that. Never… Right?

 

The fourth can opened with a loud hiss. Kazunari’s cheeks glowed, and a smile splattered across his lips. He stared at the TV screen and tried to make out the words that the woman gushed out from her brightly painted lips. He hummed and tilted his head, pressed the cold can against his cheek and shuddered.

 

“Hey… Why am I so attracted to him?” he asked from the women on the screen. “I’m really jealous of him but I still kinda want him to just… pin me to the wall…”

 

“The weather is unstable throughout the country with a hint of sunshine in the North,” she said.

 

“It’s probably the fingers,” Kazunari muttered. _And the eyes, and the way he pushes his glasses up his nose with those fingers, and the hair_ , he mentally continued. He sighed and melted against the couch, buried his face to the cushion. All the little details of Shintaro made his abdomen heat up and tighten. He shifted on the spot, tried to ignore the fact that his pants started to feel a little tight. Absent-mindedly he ran his fingertips over his bulge and shuddered, let out a huff. _Stupid Shin-chan… Being so sexy and a good daddy, what a piece of shit…_

 

“It’s all his fault,” he told the woman.

 

She seemed to agree.

 

When alcohol in all of its forms was gone from the fridge and cupboards, Kazunari passed out on the couch. He snored but jolted awake to the sound of the doorbell. A big grin rose to his lips. _Shin-chan’s home, Shin-chan’s home…_ He pushed himself up and kicked the empty cans out of his way, stumbled towards the front door. Since when had all of his furniture duplicated? He shrugged and stopped behind the door, took a deep breath and pressed his hip against the wall. He settled himself to the most suggestive position he could, although his eyes barely stayed open. Everything spun, just a tiny bit, but warmth spread inside him. With laughter on his lips he swung the door open and stumbled.

 

Shintaro looked gorgeous, _gorgeous, I want him to just fuck me_. Kazunari chuckled under his breath and focused his gaze on the man and the little runts on both sides of his body.

 

“Hey, gorgeous,” he slurred and swallowed down the nausea.

 

“Dada!” the smaller runt shrieked.

 

“Hey.” Shintaro frowned but still looked _gorgeous_. “How are you feeling?”

 

“I feel…” Kazunari laughed. Could he say it? _No… No, he’s gonna be so mad…_ Could he really say it? _Yeah, yeah_. His abdomen hurt. He leaned better against the wall and squirmed. “I feel… like… I want you to fuck me.”

 

The taller runt yanked Shintaro from his sleeve. “Daddy… What does _fuck_ mean?”

 

Shintaro leaned closer and sniffed right next to Kazunari’s face. “Are you drunk?”

 

“ _Noooo_ ,” Kazunari protested with a laugh. “Nope, not at all, I just think you’re really, _reeeally_ looking like a person who I want to fuck me…”

 

Shintaro looked cute with the deep frown on his face. Kazunari took a sharp inhale and stretched his arm towards the other man, trailed his fingers over the bottom lip. It was plump and moist, and he really had the urge to touch it more and kiss afterwards. He already leaned closer to give a little kiss to Shintaro when the man took a step back and crouched towards the taller runt.

 

“Haru, would you be a big boy and go home and play with Fumi a little? I’m going to put uncle to bed and then come home, too,” Shintaro said.

 

The boy nodded and grabbed Fumi’s hand, disappeared to the shadows. Kazunari froze to his spot and frowned, heard his little boy’s laughter that he would have recognized anywhere. He stared at Shintaro and took a step closer to the corridor between their apartments but bumped against the man and couldn’t pass him.

 

“O-Oi, where are you taking my son?” he panted. “Are you kidnapping my son again? Fumi, come to daddy, Fumi!”

 

“Kazunari,” Shintaro whispered. “Calm down.”

 

“ _You_ calm down! Why did you kidnap my son again?”

 

“Let’s go inside.”

 

“Not until you give my son back!” Kazunari struggled and found himself in a tight lock of Shintaro’s arms. “Fumi!”

 

“Calm down!”

 

He was pushed back inside the apartment. With widened eyes he watched Shintaro close the door harshly behind his back and then stare at him. Kazunari tsked and ruffled his hair, shook his head. Shintaro still looked good.

 

“How much have you drunk?”

 

“I haven’t,” Kazunari said.

 

“Have you drunk the whole day?”

 

“No!”

 

Shintaro gave him a mean stare and strolled around the apartment. Kazunari shadowed his steps as closely as possible, although he nearly lost his balance every once in a while. In the living room he did the effort to kick the empty cans under the couch so Shintaro wouldn’t see, but when he was caught doing so, he burst to giggles.

 

“This isn’t funny,” Shintaro said. His lips pressed together to a tight line.

 

“You’re right, you’re right.” Kazunari tackled the other man from behind and hugged him tight. “I’m totally serious, so you can fuck me now.”

 

Shintaro yanked himself free and disappeared to the kitchen without a word. Kazunari stood still and huffed, his fingers curling to tight fists. Had he just been _rejected_? He groaned. Shintaro had totally rejected his offer, totally… He marched behind the man and found him staring into the fridge. He let out a hum and leaned against the door frame to keep himself balanced. There were two Shintaros in his sight, and he didn’t mind one bit. He allowed himself a grin.

 

“Have you eaten anything?” Shintaro’s voice strained tight.

 

“Shin-chan…” Kazunari moaned. He totally wasn’t in the mood for this.

 

Shintaro shut the fridge with a bang and turned around, looked harsher than ever. “Have you been drinking to an empty stomach?”

 

Kazunari flailed his arms. “I’m sorry I’m not a perfect father like you!”

 

“What are you talking about?”

 

He groaned. Why wasn’t he getting through with Shintaro? He stomped towards him and pinned him against the fridge, held him tight from his arm. Tiptoeing was necessary for him to get face to face with Shintaro, but when he did so, the other man cringed. Kazunari startled and trembled in the core; was Shintaro _appalled_? He huffed and tightened his grasp, and lured a wince from Shintaro’s mouth.

 

“Please fuck me,” he murmured. “I really want to be fucked by you.”

 

Shintaro grabbed Kazunari’s shoulders and pulled him back. Kazunari grunted and licked his lips. Cross-eyed he examined Shintaro who panted.

 

“Calm down,” Shintaro said. His voice trembled, and he looked shaken. “You are doing all of this because you’re drunk—“

 

“I’m doing this because I want to, maybe I’m drunk but so what?” Kazunari whined.

 

Shintaro wiggled himself free and inhaled sharply. “You are spouting such nonsense right now.”

 

“Nonsense?!” Kazunari screamed. “Let me tell you about something—“

 

“Kazunari,” Shintaro sighed. “Stop.”

 

“No, nope, you will listen to me right now.” Kazunari worked his hands through his hair and strolled around the kitchen, stared in front of him with widened eyes. Suddenly he stopped and glared at Shintaro. “I’m actually gay! Always was, always, always, _always_.”

 

Shintaro came closer and grabbed Kazunari from his arm. “You’re going to bed now.”

 

“I didn’t even want a kid!” A giggle burst out of Kazunari’s mouth. It quickly turned to a manic laughter. “I-I didn’t want a kid, I didn’t want to date a woman, and, and then I knocked her pregnant!”

 

Kazunari couldn’t handle the fact that Shintaro turned his back at him, thus he grabbed the man by his collar and clutched the fabric tight.

 

“Guess what the worst part is, Shin-chan,” he muttered between his gritted teeth. “She refused to do an abortion and a year later she just tells me she wants to break up and have _nothing_ to do with that child… I didn’t deserve that, _Fumi_ didn’t deserve that. He deserved to get born to a family that wanted him, not get stuck with a shitty daddy.”

 

He swung his arms around Shintaro’s neck and squeezed his eyes shut, wanted to let his knees buckle and tangle on the other man’s body. His legs remained strong, but he still pulled himself closer. Shintaro’s breath felt good against his face, fresh and desirable, and Kazunari sighed. He opened his eyes just for a tiny bit and saw his vision getting hazy. Trembling from head to toe, he swallowed down the tears and somewhat succeeded in it. The ones that did manage to sneak to his cheeks, however, seemed to startle Shintaro.

 

“I’m not a good dad.” Kazunari sniffed. He rubbed the velvety skin of Shintaro’s nape and felt the shudders of another body under his fingertips. “I’m not… planning to give him a mommy, I want him to have two dads and… I’m a shitty dad because I get sick and drunk… in the middle of the day like this… You’d never do it like this…”

 

His voice trailed off as he leaned closer to Shintaro. He tightened his grasp from the man, felt a steady flow of blood down his crotch, and within few silly seconds he grew hard. Kazunari wanted to feel Shintaro’s slender fingers around his cock, _now_ , he wanted Shintaro’s cock inside him, _now_. Not sure how he would get it for sure, he trailed his hands to Shintaro’s waist and tried to yank his pants lower.

 

The plan was doomed to be a failure as soon as Shintaro wrapped his fingers around Kazunari’s wrists and forced the hands away from the waist region. Kazunari moaned and complained, but even his intoxicated mind knew that he had lost the battle. Nonetheless, Shintaro looked extremely angry; his eyes were filled with hatred that brought a lump to Kazunari’s throat. Kazunari gritted his teeth, tsked and pulled himself free, took a step back.

 

“You should probably go, Shin-chan.” He gulped down the queasiness that dangerously rose to his mouth. “Don’t want my bad fatherhood rub on you.”

 

“This isn’t exactly good parenting,” Shintaro snapped. He pushed the glasses better to their position and stepped back. “Eat something and drink water, and go sober up in the bed. Fumi will stay overnight at my place—“

 

“No!” Kazunari stumbled forward and pointed a finger at Shintaro. “You’re not taking my kid away!”

 

“It’s just for tonight. Come pick him up tomorrow morning.”

 

“No, Shin-chan! You can’t do this to me, did you hear me?” he shrieked and followed Shintaro’s steps to the front door. He clutched the back of his shirt and forced him to stop. “Y-You can’t kidnap my kid like this…!”

 

Shintaro grabbed him from the front of his shirt and made him jolt. That was _definitely_ hatred blazing in his eyes, even the reflection of the glasses couldn’t mask it. Kazunari trembled. Big, fat tears filled his vision, and he sniffed loudly. Shintaro let go of him with surprising ease but hummed and shook his head, sighed.

 

“Sober up,” were the final words said to Kazunari before the door was slammed shut right in front of his face.

 

The apartment was silent again, dead. Kazunari stood still and examined the door through the veil of tears, tried to make something out of his jumbled thoughts. Shintaro really hated him now… He groaned and cursed every single of the beer cans that he had bottomed down. An ugly cry escaped his lips but he did no effort to muffle it. _Fuck, fuck, fuck!_ Why did he always fall for the impossible ones, _why?_

 

Kazunari shrieked and out of whim kicked the door hard. It left his big toe sting and the tears fall down on his face even harder. It soothed none of the pain or worry. He cursed parenthood to the lowest hell and sank on the floor, stretched himself on the coldness of it. He couldn’t think of a more pathetic situation to be. He pulled his legs up against his chest and hugged himself, felt like a teenager again going through the worst heartbreak ever. The only difference was that this time the alcohol did its trick and made the situation feel _so_ much worse.


	6. Chapter 6

Kazunari fidgeted behind the door of Midorima household. Intensely he stared at the wooden surface and rubbed his nape, tried to pick up the courage to actually knock and let a tiny part of the world know that he was still alive. He didn’t feel really lively with a headache and a burning pain behind his bloodshot eyes, but somehow he had made it through the night. Of course, it hadn’t come without a price. After vomiting his guts out several times, all that was left was a foul taste in his mouth and embarrassment that lingered right under his skin.

 

How could he face Shintaro after messing up so badly yesterday? His legs twitched. Surely Shintaro was going to be mad at him, possibly not even wanting to see him anymore. Kazunari’s stomach turned to tight knots. He wanted to stay in contact with their neighbors because they were _neighbors_ , after all. More than that, he wanted to keep seeing Shintaro because… _Well_. A weak smile rose to his lips. Fumi had gotten a playmate out of Haru, too, so it would have been such a shame if all of that went to waste because he had gotten too friendly with his beers.

 

He stood still for a long time, weighing his options. He wanted to retreat, but Fumi was there inside, probably sleeping away the early morning; he would have to go there at some point. The shame and guilt stung Kazunari’s chest, however, and he decided to pay a visit later. He twirled around and took two steps away, changed his mind and returned back in front of the door. How was Shintaro going to look like? Just mad, or _you are bad influence for my child_ kind of mad? The mere thought made the nausea crawl right back in Kazunari’s mouth.

 

In a moment of white blankness he knocked the door, not giving himself time to think about it thoroughly. His knuckles ached, and the pain made him regret his decision right away. He stepped back and shifted his weight from one foot to another, fiddled the hem of his shirt and wanted to run away like a little kid. He didn’t want last night to have an influence on anything, he wanted to keep getting to know Shintaro better and maybe, just _maybe_ it might lead to something more serious if Shintaro would throw himself to the unknown together with him. Kazunari’s heart beat madly. But would Shintaro really want anything to do with him after last night, _probably not_ , it was most likely the case, _can you open the door already or I’m going to run away,_ what was taking so—

 

The door creaked open and startled Kazunari. His heart skipped to his throat when he saw Shintaro and noticed the green gaze lay on him. Shintaro looked incredibly tired with dark circles around his eyes, and his whole essence seemed exhausted. Kazunari fidgeted once more and with ease recognized the awkwardness between them. He exhaled deeply and tried to find the right words, but instead ended up examining the clothes that sagged on the lean figure. Not even once had he seen Shintaro like this, and it frightened him.

 

The silence prolonged until he couldn’t take it anymore. He cleared his throat. “Can I—“

 

“Come on in,” Shintaro said and pushed the door wider open, yawned sweetly and did the effort to hide it beneath his palm.

 

Kazunari hesitated but took both the invitation and careful steps inside. Cold chills invaded his insides when Shintaro shut the door and led him in the living room. All that time Kazunari waited and expected for a moral lecture to begin, but when he settled on the opposite side of the couch than Shintaro, only silence filled the apartment. _Awkward_. He stole glances towards the man and crossed his legs, shook his other foot. For his surprise Shintaro kept looking at him, too, with surprising kindness nonetheless. Kazunari burned from shame under the gaze and wanted to drill a hole and disappear in it. He pulled his fingers and felt them turn sweaty. Heat crawled to his neck.

 

“Are you okay?” he hesitantly asked. “You look… pretty tired.”

 

Shintaro took ahold of his glasses and wiped them to the hem of his shirt. “I didn’t really get any sleep last night. Fumi kept crying and I couldn’t calm him down.”

 

Kazunari’s heart gave a leap. His pulse rose through the ceiling, and he parted his lips like a little fish on a dry sand. The more he thought about his son crying himself to sleep, the more awful he felt. Somehow he managed to muster out, “Is he… Where is he?”

 

“They are both asleep in Fumi’s room.”

 

Unconsciously he pushed himself up on his feet. His eyes itched, and he curled his hands to fists on his sides. He swallowed loudly and looked down at Shintaro who remained on the couch. Kazunari breathed heavier and simply wanted to dash by his little boy’s side. His bottom lip began to tremble, but he bit it hard to stop it from doing so.

 

“Can I go and see him?” he asked.

 

Shintaro’s expression softened, and he nodded. “Be quiet, though, they were sleeping soundly the last time I checked.”

 

Not able to contain himself for one second more, Kazunari rushed to Haru’s room and opened the door carefully. It was only dim due to the morning light shining through the curtains, and with ease he spotted the two boys on the bed. They slept side by side, their bodies pressed against each other, the blankets kicked out of the bed. Kazunari tiptoed closer and held his hand over his mouth to stop his heavy breaths from echoing around the room. His heart melted to the sight of his little Fumi sleeping. However, his son’s eyes were swollen, and Kazunari only imagined how long and hard he had cried in the dead of the night.

 

He stroked Fumi’s forehead, careful not to wake him up. Although Fumi gurgled a bit, he remained asleep. Warmth spread inside Kazunari’s, and slowly he retreated his hand, crossed his arms loosely over his chest and tilted his head. Fumi really looked like a little angel when he was asleep… Kazunari sniffed and felt his chest tighten. The door creaked behind him, and he glanced over his shoulder, saw Shintaro lean against the door frame. Hastily he wiped the wet corners of his eyes and sniffed once more.

 

“It’s because Mr. Teddy,” he whispered as he stepped by Shintaro’s side.

 

“Excuse me?”

 

Kazunari swung his hand towards the bed. “He doesn’t want to sleep without Mr. Teddy. It’s this plush toy I bought when he was born, he throws a tantrum if he can’t have it with him at bedtime.”

 

“You know,” Shintaro began in a hushed voice. “You shouldn’t call yourself a bad father when you know such things about your son.”

 

Pink tinge appeared on Kazunari’s cheeks. He lost all his thoughts, all the words he had planned to say, and instead stood there as embarrassment flush over him. Shintaro was kind with his words, and Kazunari only managed to murmur a soft ‘thanks’ under his breath. _A good father…_ Was he really such a thing? He was still in haze when Shintaro did the effort to lead him back to the living room to let the boys sleep in peace. Standing still in the middle of the room, Kazunari realized that this was the moment for him to apologize. He tore his gaze away from his toes and looked straight at Shintaro who looked serious once more. Kazunari wished Shintaro would at least smile a bit.

 

“I’m sorry,” he began.

 

“Have you eaten breakfast already?” Shintaro interrupted.

 

“W-What?”

 

“Did you eat anything before coming here?”

 

“N-No, but—“

 

“I’ll fix you something and make some tea, come.”

 

Confused, Kazunari followed the man to the kitchen and plopped down on the nearest chair. With his gaze he followed Shintaro’s hustling and smiled weakly to the other’s back. Well, it certainly didn’t look like Shintaro _hated_ him. A delicious scent twirled to his nostrils, and he guessed it to belong to toasts. His empty stomach growled, and he pressed his hand hard against his abdomen to muffle the noises. It didn’t succeed.

 

“I’m sorry about yesterday,” he tried again.

 

Shintaro glanced at him over his shoulder but said nothing. Kazunari stared at the surface of the table intensely and heaved out a sigh.

 

“I don’t really drink like that… ever, really. Or that much so quickly, or get so drunk.” Kazunari felt heat invade his cheeks and rubbed them with his fingertips. A plate of toasts was given to him together with a cup of tea, and he smiled a bit to Shintaro who took a seat in front of him. He nibbled the corner of one of the breads and said, “I just lost it a bit yesterday, you know? I got sick, and watching you just made me think that I’m not a qualified father after all.”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

Kazunari bit the inside of his cheek but blurted out anyway, “I got jealous of you.”

 

“Why would you be?”

 

“Because!” Kazunari sighed again and took a big gulp of the tea. It burned his throat pleasantly and soothed his stomach that had remained upset ever since yesterday. He shrugged and avoided to meet Shintaro’s gaze dead on. “You just… seem like you really know what you’re doing. You have it all under control and you’re doing really good, and I just… got insecure, I guess.”

 

“Kazunari,” Shintaro sighed with a tone so soft that made Kazunari’s heart leap wildly. “No one is perfect in parenthood. I might have more experience than you, but it’s simply because I’ve lived alone with a child for four years. You recently moved in and had to be alone with your son, so it’s only natural that you don’t know everything.”

 

“I guess so,” Kazunari murmured behind the toast.

 

“And also, don’t call yourself a bad father.” Shintaro averted his gaze and with the tip of his forefinger pushed his glasses up from their ridge. “You care for your son. I think Fumi missed you more than Mr. Teddy last night.”

 

Unconsciously Kazunari sat up straighter. When Shintaro met with his gaze again, he gave him a bright grin and felt a bit lighter. The doubts would surely never leave his system, but it felt good to hear Shintaro out of all people praise him as a capable father. He beamed and sipped from his tea, examined the other man’s fingers. Despite one problem resolved, he still had another worry nagging in the back of his mind.

 

“Shin-chan,” he began.

 

“Don’t call me that,” Shintaro immediately said.

 

“Shintaro,” Kazunari corrected himself with haste. With the tip of his tongue he moistened his lips. “You know, I was talking pretty honestly yesterday… As far as I can remember what I’ve been spouting.”

 

Shintaro frowned. “What are you referring to?”

 

“Well…” Kazunari pressed his lips together and curled his palms around the warm mug. He shuddered. “Well, I’m… I’m gay. For real. And I know you’re not, I can tell, and still I… Well. I’ll just take the adult approach and tell you honestly that I’m attracted to you.”

 

Although he flustered, Shintaro didn’t avert his gaze. He parted his mouth in the gesture of wanting to say something but quickly pressed his lips back together. He hummed and rubbed his nape, glanced at Kazunari and then at the tea cup Kazunari held. The squirming of the man gave away everything necessary; he seemed uncomfortable.

 

“Ah, sorry, sorry!” Kazunari laughed nervously. “Was I too honest?”

 

“No, I just… I, uh…”

 

“It’s okay, I get what you mean,” he said.

 

Instantly Shintaro looked relieved, and the expression made Kazunari’s heart sank to his stomach. _Of course_ Shintaro would be relieved, he wasn’t gay in the first place and probably didn’t want to have any romantic to do with him. Although he had prepared for a rejection, it still made an ache shoot right through Kazunari’s chest. He cleared his throat and forced a smile on his lips, kept it there even when he wanted to disappear right on the spot. At least he had tried, and no one could blame him for that.

 

“I won’t do anything about it, so don’t worry,” he said. “Just… Please don’t start avoiding me or anything, okay? I think Fumi really likes to have Haru as his playmate, and it would kind of be awkward for us to be neighbors if… You know.”

 

“Avoiding you didn’t cross my mind.” Shintaro licked his lips and stared mostly at the table. The flush didn’t disappear from his cheeks, and he still looked rather embarrassed. “I’m… I’m flattered, truly. But you’re right, I’m not… I wouldn’t…”

 

Kazunari snickered. “I get what you mean.”

 

Silence fell between them, and it remained as awkward as before. Little by little the good, warm feeling that Kazunari had gotten inside him from laughing died away, and he swallowed. To keep himself occupied he glanced around the kitchen and fixed his gaze on the neatly organized spice rack. On top of it was a plush toy, brightly pink and very unicorn-shaped, and it made Kazunari’s forehead wrinkle. He wondered whether it had been left there or was guarding the rack on purpose. Whichever the case was, it was the one object he couldn’t picture in Shintaro’s kitchen, but there it was.

 

He glanced at Shintaro again and tilted his head, asked, “So are we alright now? You and me, uh, what we have between us, I mean, being neighbors.”

 

Shintaro nodded. “I’m happy you decided to talk about yesterday with me, I think it was important to have this chat. It means a lot to me.”

 

“I just thought we’re both adults here.” Kazunari took a gulp from the tea that had sneakily turned lukewarm. “I’m just very sorry for acting like that in front of the kids, I hope I didn’t make you or Haru upset.”

 

“We’ll survive.”

 

His next goal was to get rid of the infatuation he held for Shintaro, then they would truly become only neighbors. He supposed it would take a week, two perhaps, but when he thought about the note that Shintaro had left him and the porridge he had made, Kazunari flushed red and choked on the tea. Alright, maybe a _bit_ more than just few weeks. Notoriously his problem was to get stuck on the same crush forever, and he dearly hoped this wasn’t going to be one of those cases.

 

“Can I ask you something?” Shintaro asked.

 

Kazunari perked up and smiled. “Shoot me.”

 

“If you were always… _that_ , then why did you—“

 

“Dada?”

 

Kazunari’s heart bounced to his throat, and his pulse sped up. He looked towards the door frame and saw exactly what he had heard; little Fumi standing there, rubbing the sleep away from his eyes. Kazunari parted his lips and sucked a quick breath, somehow felt like he was ready to cry. It had only been one night that he had been away from his little boy, but it felt like years. Fumi looked up from his toes and as his eyes clearly fixed on his father, he started to wail loudly, screaming ‘dada’ over and over again.

 

“Hey! Fumi-chan, daddy’s here, you don’t have to cry!”

 

Kazunari jumped up to his feet and crouched in front of the boy, hugged him tight against his chest. The little figure trembled and sniffed, cried like a siren straight to Kazunari’s ear but he didn’t mind at all. Instead, he stroked Fumi’s back and hugged him even tighter, squeezed his eyes shut to prevent tears from escaping his eyes, too.

 

“Shh… It’s okay, Fumi-chan, daddy is so sorry to leave you alone last night,” he muttered and kissed Fumi’s wet cheek.

 

“Dada!” Fumi shrieked, his face covered in snot and tears. “Dada, dada!”

 

It broke Kazunari’s heart. He picked Fumi up in his arms and straightened his posture, rocked the boy and made sure to smile at him whenever the tear-filled eyes looked back at him. He kissed Fumi’s forehead, stroked his hair and ruffled it, held the boy tight against his chest and murmured soft words to his ears. He offered two of his fingers to Fumi, who gripped them tight with his tiny hand, and smiled brightly. Seeing the pout on his son’s lips made his eyes itch again. _Don’t cry now, don’t cry…_ Gently he pressed Fumi’s head against his chest and kissed his hair, closed his eyes tightly.

 

The sobs turned to quiet sniffs. Fumi drooled on Kazunari’s shoulder and clutched his father’s shirt tightly. A gentle smile rose to Kazunari’s smile, and he tightened his grasp from his little boy. He turned around to face Shintaro and worked his way back to his seat.

 

“What were you saying?” he asked as he wiped the drool away from the corners of Fumi’s mouth.

 

Shintaro frowned at first, but quickly his expression smoothened. “Oh, it was nothing, don’t worry about it.”

 

Kazunari didn’t really swallow the explanation, but his thoughts wavered away from Shintaro when Fumi pinched his cheek. He chuckled and rubbed his nose against Fumi’s, heard the boy giggle. The sound made him so happy, especially after yesterday’s disaster, and he was only able to thank Shintaro for taking care of Fumi. It hit him hard and fast, and made a smile curl on his lips. Fumi smiled, too, and together they smirked to each other, both most likely to totally different things.

 

Every now and then Kazunari peeked towards Shintaro, even when Haru had eventually settled himself on his father’s lap across the table. Kazunari tilted his head and bit his cheek. He decided that this was the final time he would fawn over Shintaro and his gorgeousness like this; after that, he would give up for good. _Give it few weeks and you’ve already forgotten that you ever had a teenager-like crush on him_ , he comforted himself and nodded, got a strange look from Shintaro and gave him a smile in return.


	7. Chapter 7

A week passed, and there was no changes in Shintaro’s behavior. The realization made relief wash over Kazunari’s body, and he liked to think it was for their boys’ sake. Standing behind the door to Midorimas wasn’t as intimidating as it had been a couple of times before, and happily he tightened his grasp from Fumi’s hand. The boy jumped up and down, screamed about ‘playdate’ so loudly that surely the people living both up- and downstairs heard his excitement. Kazunari hushed him a bit, and for a second Fumi agreed to silence – then the shouting began all over again.

 

He sighed softly and rang the doorbell for the second time, settled the heavy bag full of toys better on his shoulder. It was unusual for Shintaro not to come and open the door on the first ring. Kazunari frowned and heard rather similar chanting about playdates behind the closed door. A snicker escaped from him. Absent-mindedly both he and Shintaro had agreed on the infamous playdate – which was by no means any different from the usual sleepovers or days spent over each at other’s places. It simply _sounded_ different, and it seemed to mess up both of the boys’ minds.

 

The door swung open, and Shintaro stood there staring at Kazunari and then Fumi, dumbfounded no doubt, as if this wasn’t something they both hadn’t heard for days in a row. Kazunari offered the man a lopsided smile and Fumi the shrieks of ‘playdate’, and Shintaro’s expression lightened. It still looked distressed, however.

 

“Is it today?” he groaned.

 

“Yeah.” Kazunari frowned and tried to control the boy jumping like a grasshopper. Over Fumi’s shouts he said, “If this is a bad time, we can just do it some other time—“

 

“No, no, it just slipped from my mind, I’m sorry.” Shintaro ruffled his hair and turned towards the rest of the apartment. “Haru, Fumi is here!”

 

“Haru-chan!” shrieked Fumi.

 

With the speed of light another grasshopper appeared, possibly even louder than Kazunari’s, and pulled Fumi away just like that. The boys screamed and shouted. Fumi stumbled and fell on the floor but didn’t drop a single tear – instead, he got up on his feet and followed Haru with a new energy. Kazunari couldn’t help but grin to the sight of them. They were really precious, a real comedy duo in his opinion. He glanced at Shintaro and bit his bottom lip to stop smiling once seeing the other man’s stern and somewhat tired look.

 

“They’re really energetic today, aren’t they?” Kazunari asked.

 

“Perhaps a bit too much.”

 

Kazunari frowned, hesitated, but asked anyway, “Are you okay?”

 

“I’m fine, just swamped in bit of a paperwork… Haru has been really loud today, so I haven’t gotten a lot of peace.”

 

“The playdate’s at our place the next time, alright?” His nose wrinkled under the oncoming grin. He swung the overnight bag to the hallway of the apartment and straightened his posture, lingered on his spot. “So… I’ll leave him to your care.”

 

He nodded to himself and turned around, only to be stopped by Shintaro grabbing his arm out of the blue. Kazunari startled, and with widened eyes he glanced down at his arm and the slender fingers that had curled around it. His heart did wishful loops and hops, and he shuddered ever so slightly under the careless touch of Shintaro. A tinge of flush invaded Shintaro’s cheeks, and hastily he retreated his hand, but the accident had already happened. Kazunari’s heart showed no signs of mercy, and his skin tingled pleasantly on the spot where he had been touched. _Damn_.

 

“Um…” Shintaro cleared his throat. “Are you busy?”

 

Kazunari frowned lightly. He mustered out, “Not really, I was just planning to watch that one cooking competition… Why?”

 

“Ah, well, I… Well, I… I wouldn’t mind some adult company for a while.”

 

“Can I invade your couch and TV?”

 

“Sure.”

 

“Okay, count me in.” With ease he stepped inside and passed Shintaro, kicked his shoes off. “Thanks for having us!”

 

He strutted with confidence to the living room as if it was his own apartment. The table between the couch and TV was full of papers, both stapled and loose, but he didn’t glance twice at them as he slumped down on the couch. He preferred Shintaro’s couch over his own anytime; it was soft and cozy and definitely one of those where he could have napped for hours straight. With a smile curling his lips upwards, he switched the channel just in time for Shintaro to take a seat next to him.

 

The ear-breaking sounds of the boys playing echoed behind closed doors. Kazunari had to turn the volume up several notches for him to hear even a glimmer of sound, but when everything was set, he pulled his legs up and hugged himself, relaxed. Shintaro remained tense, from the tip of his toe all the way to the corner of his lips, and every now and then he huffed over the pile of paper he held in his lap. Although the contestants on the screen were interesting, setting things on fire and hardly producing anything edible, Kazunari still found himself staring more at Shintaro than the TV. He didn’t even have the decency to be ashamed of it.

 

“What are you doing?” he asked.

 

“We have a new doctor coming tomorrow and they wanted me to give him some sort of a brief, so now I’m trying to sort everything out.” Shintaro glanced up from his papers and for a second locked his gaze to Kazunari’s. “How is your job-hunting doing?”

 

“Well…”

 

“That bad?”

 

“Yeah,” Kazunari admitted. “It feels like suddenly there’s no spots open anywhere. Maybe I just need to go and apply to some convenience store or something.”

 

“It might be a decent temporary solution.”

 

“Mm, I think you’re right. It might be the only thing I can do when I have a kid at Fumi’s age.”

 

“I’m sure you will find something,” Shintaro said.

 

The sudden optimism surprised Kazunari. He smiled and loved the fact how flustered Shintaro got all of a sudden. The man cleared his throat and averted his gaze back to the papers without a second word, pushed the glasses better to their place and looked adorably embarrassed. Kazunari spared a moment longer to examine Shintaro’s profile before tearing his gaze away. His plan of eliminating his infatuation towards Shintaro wasn’t going exactly great, but at least he tried. Sort of.

 

They no longer shared words, instead continued on with their tasks in silence. Kazunari didn’t mind at all; it didn’t feel clumsy or awkward but rather pleasant. He put his full concentration on the TV show and watched the parties prepare a chicken and some weirdly colored dressing. Every now and then Shintaro sighed deeply, even got his glasses off and rubbed the ridge of his nose. Kazunari bit his lip and did all in his power not to look at the man for more than it was necessary. He really wanted to run his fingertips over the delicate spot as well, rub away the marks the glasses had surely left and kiss it afterwards. He shuddered from the mere thought.

 

Out of the blue a door was slammed open, and out ran the two boys wearing nothing at all. They screamed and giggled as if they had too much sugar in their systems and ran around in circles, from the living room to the kitchen and back again. Kazunari was the first one to spot them, and he muffled his own giggle behind his palm. It was clear that Shintaro didn’t find it as amusing, as he sighed deep and let go of the papers.

 

“Haru,” he called. There was no response from the taller boy who was too busy flying a tiny airplane through the air. Shintaro sighed again. “Haru… Haru, please put some clothes on, you’ll get sick.”

 

No reaction.

 

“Haru!” Shintaro started to sound more and more frustrated. “Please go put on some clothes and don’t get naked with Fumi all of a sudden. Haru. Haru!”

 

“Don’t worry, I got it,” Kazunari hastily said and got up. Laughter still lingered on his lips. “I’ll go put some clothes on them, you sit tight and deal with the papers.”

 

They looked at each other. Shintaro mouthed a quiet ‘thank you’ and looked relieved, even risked a weak smile.

 

Kazunari couldn’t have felt happier even if he tried. He rolled up his sleeves and stood by the table, waited for the boys to pass him. When it happened, he said, “Alright, boys, time to get some clothes on! I know, I know, it’s difficult to play with planes with all those annoying clothes, but Shin-chan wants everyone to be clothed.”

 

“You…” grumbled Shintaro behind him.

 

Glancing at the man over his shoulder, Kazunari winked and herded the boys back to Haru’s room where they had come out. Fumi was the little firecracker he always was, barely letting his father pull the shirt and pants back on, but Haru’s energy came as a real surprise to Kazunari. The man crouched on his knees in front of Haru and helped him with his shirt. The biggest smile splattered across Haru’s lips, and Kazunari wondered whether Shintaro looked the same, too, if he smiled just as widely.

 

“Uncle,” Haru began, “is Daddy okay?”

 

“Of course he is,” Kazunari said as he buttoned up the rest of the boy’s shirt. Gently he stroked Haru’s cheek and ruffled his hair. “Why wouldn’t he be?”

 

“Daddy sighs a lot today.”

 

“That’s just because your daddy has a lot of work today. He’s okay.”

 

“Do you promise?”

 

“Pinky promise,” Kazunari said and offered his little finger to Haru. The boy clearly hesitated but ended up accepting it. Kazunari smiled brightly.

 

“Dada!” Fumi pulled Kazunari’s sleeve. “Pinky, pinky!”

 

“Alright, Fumi-chan, pinky promise to you, too!”

 

When his finger began to ache from all the attention it got from both of the boys, Kazunari pushed himself up on his feet and ruffled both of their hairs. Soon his presence seemed to disappear completely when both of them got busy with their toy cars and planes. They weren’t actually playing _together_ , rather playing peacefully side by side. Kazunari watched the sight a moment longer, hummed with a smile and ruffled his own hair, retreated from the room to let them play in all peace.

 

As soon as he closed the door softly behind his back, Shintaro looked up from his papers and took an eye contact to Kazunari.

 

“How did it go?” Shintaro sounded anxious.

 

“Both clothed again.” Kazunari fell down on the couch and relaxed in a position that looked uncomfortable but was the complete opposite. He pressed his cheek to the back of the couch and fixed his gaze on Shintaro. “They’re both so energetic now that I bet the moment they hit the bed, they’ll be fast asleep.”

 

“Hopefully,” Shintaro murmured from the corner of his lips. He stretched his neck and took a hold of the next paper in line but put it down after all, looked at Kazunari. “You know, you should apply to jobs that have something to do with children.”

 

“Why is that?”

 

“Well, you can be rather child-like…”

 

Kazunari burst to laugh. It was great how Shintaro managed to say such words with a serious expression on his face. Kazunari wiped the tears from the corner of his eyes and pressed his soles against the floor.

 

“I was being serious,” Shintaro said.

 

“I know, I know,” Kazunari chanted. “But you know, Shin-chan, you’re being way too tense.”

 

“I’m not.”

 

“You totally are, probably because of stress or so…” He pouted and tilted his head, then patted his lap. “So come, come here.”

 

“W-What?”

 

“Put your legs to my lap and I’ll massage them and relax you just a tiny bit,” Kazunari said.

 

Shintaro blushed all the way to his ears and hairline. He mustered out, “You don’t have to.”

 

“It’s totally alright. People have told me that I have magic fingers.”

 

Shintaro frowned. “Really?”

 

“Well, not in those exact words,” Kazunari admitted with a grin. “But I _am_ good at massaging.”

 

It took a bit more coaxing, but eventually Shintaro did pull his legs up and settled them on Kazunari’s lap. Immediately the blood in Kazunari’s veins gushed, but he told himself to _calm the hell down_ , and pulled the legs of Shintaro’s pants up. The other man shuddered under his touch, and – overfilled with curiosity – Kazunari took a peek towards Shintaro who looked like he was already relaxing a bit. A hint of a smile curled to Kazunari’s lips, and he moved his fingertips to the firm calves, massaged them gently.

 

His heart beat loudly right on the root of his ear. He tried not to be too rough but neither too tender, and he supposed it paid off when Shintaro let out quiet moans every now and then. They sounded erotic, and Kazunari felt a blush rush to his cheeks. All sorts of thoughts invaded his mind, mostly sexual, and for a split second he visualized all the things he could do; push Shintaro on the couch and crawl over him, kiss him lightheaded and make him feel really good. Quickly he jolted out of his thoughts and absent-mindedly squeezed Shintaro’s calf harder than he wanted to. Shintaro yelped, and Kazunari startled.

 

“Sorry,” he murmured right away. He kneaded his fingers over the skin that surely hid some muscles beneath it and fixed his gaze on the TV to look less suspicious. Wanting to sound care-free, Kazunari asked, “Is it feeling good?”

 

“Mm…”

 

Kazunari glanced towards the other man and huffed. Shintaro was being ridiculously unfair as he took off his glasses for good and closed his eyes, parted his lips and shuddered. He looked more of a beauty without his glasses, Kazunari had to admit that, and with the excuse that Shintaro had his eyes closed, he kept looking at the man. He really was beautiful… Breathtakingly so. Kazunari heaved out a soft sigh and continued the massage, focusing on both calves individually. It really looked like Shintaro was enjoying it, looking so defenseless right there within an arm’s reach. Kazunari swallowed hard and tore his gaze away.

 

“It looks like you’re starting to relax,” he teased.

 

“I am,” Shintaro said with a surprising straightforwardness.

 

It threw Kazunari off balance. He blinked, then felt like an idiot and stared at the TV. Words tickled his palate. They weren’t any special words, just words in general that he wanted to spurt out in order to get to know more about Shintaro. He collected himself from the slight mess that he was feeling and worked his palms over Shintaro’s skin, felt the steady string of shudders underneath his fingertips. It made him tremble, too.

 

“I think it’s pretty important to relax with a young kid to take care of,” Kazunari thought aloud. “Don’t you think so? I mean, it does good to be able to take time for yourself.”

 

“I can’t remember when I last would have taken time for myself.”

 

“Really?”

 

“Really.”

 

Watching the serious look on Shintaro’s face, little wheels set in motion within Kazunari’s mind. He could easily kill two birds in one stone… He flashed a bright grin.

 

“I got an idea,” he said.

 

Shintaro straightened himself and frowned, rubbed his shoulder. “What is it?”

 

“I have this friend who is a kindergarten teacher and he’s taken care of Fumi before, so we should both take a day off and bring the kids to him to have a whole day free.”

 

Straight away Shintaro looked dubious.

 

“I mean, I’m not saying you would have to spend the day with me,” Kazunari hurried to say just in case _that_ was the problem. “But my friend is really good with kids and he likes his job, so I’m sure he wouldn’t mind looking after them for one day on the weekend.”

 

“It does sound appealing,” Shintaro said. He pursed his lips in clear hesitation. “Do you think it would really be alright with your friend to look after a stranger’s kid?”

 

“He won’t mind.”

 

“Hmm… On one condition.”

 

Kazunari perked. “Tell me.”

 

“I would, well…” Shintaro cleared his throat and put his glasses back on. “I wouldn’t mind spending such a day with you. It would most likely be a lot more relaxing together with someone than on my own.”

 

An impish grin rose to Kazunari’s lips. _Yes, yes, yes!_ He contained his excitement, though, didn’t let it show on his face, at least not too much. He bit his lip to prevent the grin from taking over too much and said, “Count me in. We can watch movies and eat take-away, just like things were done when we were younger.”

 

“I think it’s a promise, then.”

 

“Definitely.” Kazunari moved his fingertips to Shintaro’s shin and trailed them over the bone that gently surfaced the skin. “I’ll just give my friend a call tomorrow and ask him to babysit them on… next weekend?”

 

“Next weekend’s fine.”

 

“Great.”

 

Although it was only a promise of a casual night-in, it still made Kazunari’s chest vibrate pleasantly. _Of course_ nothing was going to happen between them, he knew it with ease and didn’t even hope for anything, but it still made him happy – it was a chance to get to know Shintaro even better, and that was the only thing he aimed for, honestly. Maybe they could share some parenting tips. The thought made Kazunari snicker and got Shintaro’s confused gaze on him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for your kudos and comments so far, they are extremely encouraging. I'm truly grateful ( ´ ▽ ` )ﾉ


	8. Chapter 8

“Are you sure this is alright?” Shintaro asked for the umpteenth time.

 

Kazunari couldn’t hold in his laughter anymore. After every street corner the same sentence had fallen out of Shintaro’s mouth, always paired up with the same troubled expression, and every single time Kazunari had assured that it _was_ alright. He muffled his laughter behind his palm after getting a glare from Shintaro.

 

“I keep telling you it’s fine,” he said.

 

“But won’t he think it is weird to take care of a stranger’s child?”

 

“You heard him yourself on the phone,” Kazunari reminded. “He told you it’s no problem, didn’t he? So you shouldn’t make it into a big deal.”

 

“Hm…”

 

They continued to walk in silence that was occasionally broken apart by Fumi babbling about something completely random in Kazunari’s lap. Haru, who stayed tightly by his father’s side and held his hand, remained quiet, almost to the point of looking nervous, and Kazunari really couldn’t blame him at all. The overnight bag weighed a ton on his shoulder, but it was all thanks to the various toys that Fumi had simply insisted on bringing along.

 

What excited Kazunari the most was the fact that he could spend a relaxed evening with Shintaro. It would be the first for them to hang out like that, and he knew it very well. He allowed himself a smile and tightened his grasp around Fumi, kissed the boy’s forehead. At the end of the day he would aim to get to spend the night over at Shintaro’s place, but maybe it was too much to hope for. _Probably_ , he thought and stole a peek towards Shintaro. The expression on the other man’s face looked stern, but Kazunari imagined it to be worry and nervousness above everything else.

 

_Too adorable_.

 

Soon a building very familiar to Kazunari rose in front of them. It was a place where he had spent a lot of time prior to getting caught up in all the difficulties that had left him to have Fumi, and it was a place filled with pleasant memories. The corner of his smiles ached from all the smiling as he led his adorably nervous neighbor inside, four floors up and behind the right door. He scanned the name tag that hadn’t changed one bit since the last time he had been there, examined the characters of _Kagami_ and _Kuroko_ , and noticed that Shintaro looked at the same direction, too.

 

“It’ll be alright,” Kazunari said before the other could even utter out the question one more time.

 

Shintaro flustered but nodded anyway, squeezed Haru’s hand a bit tighter.

 

As soon as Kazunari rang the doorbell, great sounds of a dog’s barking echoed inside the apartment to the staircase. From the corner of his eye he glanced at the father-son duo and snickered when he saw their matching worried expression and frowns on their foreheads. In his arms Fumi struggled, kicked the air a bit but Kazunari managed to hold him but only by the skin of his teeth. All the struggling made the contents of his bag rattle.

 

Although the door was opened with care, a grown Husky still managed to slip outside. Nigou barked and panted with his tongue hanging out, sat down right in front of Kazunari and swished his tail wildly. Fumi squirmed and nearly hung upside down to be able to pet the dog, but Haru had a look of pure terror printed on his face. Kazunari watched the swaying tail and had to admit that Nigou had really grown since he last saw him; he could still remember when he was nothing but a cute pup. From the tip of the pink tongue dropped drool on the floor, and the Husky barked happily again.

 

“Nigou!” came the gentle-toned order, and the dog calmed down immediately. He did wag his tail with excitement, though, but did it silently.

 

Tetsuya – unlike Nigou – hadn’t changed a single bit in the two months Kazunari hadn’t seen him. He still had a kind look on his face with a faint hint of smile on his lips, his hair neatly in place. The Husky ran straight to his owner’s side and looked more than pleased when Tetsuya stroked the top of his head and murmured a soft ‘good boy’ to him. Kazunari smiled to his friend and tried to control Fumi who started to squirm even more and let out little shrieks of excitement.

 

“Please come in,” Tetsuya said.

 

Kazunari let Shintaro step in first, just to be able to examine his reactions a bit longer. The nervousness seemed to still linger on his face, and his steps dragged thanks to Haru clinging tightly on his father’s leg. Kazunari sucked his bottom lip to avoid laughing. It was rather adorable how nervous Shintaro was all of a sudden, but as a father himself he thought it was a given after all – Shintaro _was_ about to let his son stay over at a complete stranger’s home.

 

With the corner of his eye he spotted a large bag with flight tags laying in the hallway and frowned. He wondered whether Tetsuya wasn’t home all by himself after all like he had said, but didn’t have the time to question it when Fumi demanded to get on the floor. With no other choice, Kazunari let his little boy on his feet.

 

“Kuro-nii!” he cried out and stomped straight to Tetsuya, and wrapped his tiny arms around the man’s legs.

 

A smile gentler than Kazunari had ever seen spread to Tetsuya’s lips a he crouched down and hugged the boy back. Kazunari tilted his head and felt happy as he saw how happy Fumi was. He met his gaze with Tetsuya’s before his friend’s blue eyes fixed on Haru’s direction. The smile got even gentler, and he picked himself up when Fumi got busy with cuddling Nigou.

 

“You must be Haru,” Tetsuya said.

 

Haru didn’t reply, and instead he hid better behind his father’s leg. When Tetsuya glanced up at Shintaro, Kazunari took a step closer and pointed his finger at Shintaro.

 

“This is Shin-chan.”

 

“Midorima Shintaro,” Shintaro corrected.

 

“And this is Kuroko Tetsuya,” Kazunari continued and nodded towards the blue-haired man. “We’ve been friends for a while.”

 

“Ten years,” Tetsuya added and turned back to look at Shintaro. “Nice to meet you, Midorima-kun.”

 

“Likewise.” Shintaro placed his hands gently on Haru’s shoulders and brought the boy in front of him. Haru cast his eyes down and blushed a bit, but looked up when Shintaro stroked his hair. His dad continued, “And this is my son, Haru. Thank you for going through the trouble of looking after him.”

 

“It isn’t a problem at all,” Tetsuya said. “Is there anything I would need to know about Haru-chan?”

 

Kazunari tuned out of the conversation of allergies and bedtimes and fixed his gaze on Fumi who had rolled on the floor and who was being poked by Nigou’s nose. Here and there the Husky barked, which only made Fumi giggle almost furiously. Kazunari wondered whether they should get a dog, too. Maybe when Fumi would be a little older. _I’ll see in few years_. He really wouldn’t mind one, especially if it would be as kind as Nigou.

 

Sudden heavy thuds echoed closer and closer, followed by a shout of, “Is Takao’s new guy already here?”

 

Standing right beside Kazunari, Shintaro startled. A frown rose to Kazunari’s forehead but it smoothened as soon as he saw the shower fresh and half-naked figure of Taiga. He grinned, but seeing the deep red blush on Shintaro’s cheeks he wiped it away from his lips straight away. He cleared his throat.

 

“Kagami-kun…” Tetsuya sighed.

 

“He’s just my neighbor,” Kazunari hurried to say under the burning gaze of Shintaro. “He’s not my new guy or anything, just my friend.”

 

“Oh, I see.” Taiga tightened the towel over his waist as droplets of water licked his abdomen. He tiptoed behind Nigou with clear wariness in his body and settled beside Tetsuya, glanced at Shintaro from head to toe.

 

Kazunari watched Taiga wrap his arm around Tetsuya’s waist, examined Tetsuya’s movement to shift a bit farther away from politeness, and said, “I didn’t know you were home already, Tetsuya said he was going to be alone the whole weekend.”

 

“I thought so.” Tetsuya sounded apologetic. “Kagami-kun came back few hours ago and didn’t tell me beforehand about it.”

 

“Surprise,” Taiga said and grinned.

 

“Is it really alright for us to leave the boys in that case?” Kazunari frowned. “I mean, if you guys want some privacy because you haven’t seen each other so long…”

 

“Nah, it’s fine.”

 

“Don’t worry, Takao-kun,” Tetsuya agreed. “Kagami-kun will be staying a little longer this time, so one night won’t make a difference. We will have fun with the children, so it’s not a problem.”

 

“Okay.” Kazunari glanced at Shintaro and the blush that still remained on the man’s cheeks. He took a step back. “I think we’re going in that case, don’t you think, Shin-chan?”

 

“I suppose,” Shintaro muttered.

 

He crouched by Haru who looked more than ready to panic, kissed his forehead and stroked some of the hair behind his ear, and whispered something in his ear that no one else heard. Kazunari watched the action with a smile and hoped that Fumi would cling to him like that, too. Instead, his son was too busy to hug Nigou and then Taiga with giggles to even notice that his father would be gone. Kazunari heaved out a soft sigh and smiled to Shintaro when the man worked himself up.

 

Tetsuya offered his hand to Haru. “Please don’t worry, Haru-chan, we will have fun. We can go and walk Nigou together, if you would like.”

 

Shyly Haru nodded as he took the first steps away from his father. Shintaro shared a look with Kazunari, and it looked a lot braver than before.

 

“Okay, we’ll get going!” Kazunari took the step closer to ruffle Fumi’s hair. “Be a good boy, Fumi-chan, and don’t feed Nigou anything weird this time.”

 

“No no,” Fumi replied, though Kazunari wasn’t sure whether the boy _really_ meant it.

 

All of them exchanged a round of bye’s, and eventually Kazunari and Shintaro were off. Through the closed door the excited barks of Nigou echoed to the staircase again. In sluggish pace they cleared the stairs and got back outside where darkness already took over the sky. Kazunari glanced at Shintaro and saw the man looking rather tensed although it was supposed to be their night of fun and relaxation. He squeezed Shintaro’s shoulder reassuringly and smiled.

 

“What did you mean when you asked whether it was alright for us to leave the children there?” Shintaro asked out of the blue.

 

“Well…” Kazunari’s lips melted to a lopsided grin. “Kagami’s the guy that I mentioned once, the one playing in NBA. He clearly wasn’t supposed to get home already, but since it’s their first day together in a really long while, I thought… Well.”

 

“What?”

 

“They’re lovers,” he stated in a matter-of-fact tone.

 

Shintaro looked puzzled.

 

“They’re lovers who have been in different continentals for few months,” Kazunari said. When Shintaro continued to look oblivious, Kazunari chuckled and said, “Of course they’d want to have sex!”

 

At first Shintaro looked utterly speechless, but managed to muster out, “Oh.”

 

“So I just thought that the boys might be in the way but if Tetsuya said it’s not the case, then—“

 

He stopped talking as soon as he noticed that the other man wasn’t by his side anymore. Frowning, he twirled around and saw that Shintaro stopped dead on his tracks and turned around to look at the building. Kazunari backed up few steps and saw the distress in the green eyes. His expression softened.

 

“Is it really alright to leave the boys there?” Shintaro asked quietly.

 

“Of course,” Kazunari assured with a gentle tone. “Tetsuya is a professional when it comes to kids, he’ll surely put our boys in the first place this weekend. Don’t worry about it so much, Shin-chan, tonight is supposed to be a fun one for us!”

 

Shintaro glanced at him, and although he frowned at first, he relaxed as he nodded. Kazunari was more than happy to know that they still had their night together, and he was confident that the boys would have fun, too. He wasn’t worried about Fumi at all, since his son had stayed over with Tetsuya and Taiga before, but he had no doubts about Haru, either. Without a second thought he grabbed Shintaro’s arm and began to lead him home, and was pleased to realize that Shintaro did no efforts to actually get himself free from his grasp.

 

The evening was turning cold, and Kazunari shivered by the time they got to their building. He butted straight to Shintaro’s apartment without even picking anything from his own, thinking it was going to be just fine. From the times over the weeks that he had visited there, he had already gotten rather familiar with things and with ease kicked his shoes to the spot where Shintaro liked to have them and hung his coat on the place that wasn’t used by the other man. Kazunari strutted straight to the kitchen as if he owned the place and leaned against one of the counters, watched Shintaro follow his footsteps quickly.

 

“Are you still nervous?” Kazunari asked and hopped to sit on the counter.

 

Shintaro glared at him for that but didn’t forbid it, instead said, “Not so much.”

 

“Great. So, take-away. Pizza, sushi, uh, Chinese, what do you feel like eating?”

 

“Anything is fine with me.” Shintaro settled himself to lean on the door frame and crossed his arms loosely over his chest, kept his gaze fixed on Kazunari.

 

The pit of Kazunari’s abdomen warmed pleasantly underneath Shintaro’s gaze but he tried to ignore the feeling as much as possible. It wasn’t easy, and he shifted, crossed his leg over the other, felt his heart beat madly in his chest. Now that it was just the two of them in the empty, silent apartment, he had all the time in the world to just look at Shintaro, and he wished he wouldn’t. Shintaro looked good, like a guilty pleasure, and Kazunari wished he could have even the tiniest taste of the forbidden. He moistened his lips and rubbed his cheeks to get rid of the sudden heat that had gathered on them.

 

He jumped off the counter. “I’m thinking of pizza, would you mind calling some joint and order it? Any kind is fine! I, uh… I’ll go invade your DVD shelf and pick us a movie.”

 

To not act based on his lusty, horny feelings, Kazunari resulted to the only way he could think of – escaping. He left the dumbfounded Shintaro alone in the kitchen and rushed to the living room, sighed deep once he was alone. Truthfully, he hadn’t really thought about this whole let’s-spend-the-evening-together thing through; it meant enduring. Although he had sworn not to get any more attracted to Shintaro, it was pretty hard not to do so. _Calm down already_ , he told himself and crouched in front of the shelf that had a lot of books and only few DVDs.

 

He ran his fingertips over the DVDs backs, tried to visualize the titles to movies he knew himself. With some he succeeded, and the others he had never even heard of. A pout rose to his lips and he tilted his head, glanced through the narrow collection. It was unusual; it seemed that all of them were romantic movies. He snickered. Shintaro, watching romance to this extent? Somehow he couldn’t imagine it at all.

 

“I ordered a ham pizza.”

 

Kazunari startled to Shintaro’s words coming from surprisingly near. He glanced at the man over his shoulder and grinned to him, assured that it was a damn good choice. His heart beating and making his chest ache, he turned back to look at the DVDs, too many jokes rolling right on the tip of his tongue. He picked one movie that interested him the most and swayed it in the air, fixed his gaze back to Shintaro.

 

“I would have never guessed that you loved sappy movies, Shin-chan,” he said.

 

“They aren’t mine.”

 

Kazunari’s insides turned ice cold straight away, and he sucked a sharp breath. _Fuck._ He turned pale. _They’re his late wife’s_. It felt like his intestines turned to the nastiest twists that he had ever had, and suddenly he found no words. Why was it that he always seemed to step on that same dangerous landmine? His legs trembled as he picked himself up, and he stared at his toes, frowned deep. They were surely a memento to Shintaro, something that the other man hadn’t wanted to throw away at all. What should he say? _Apologize_ , he told himself but only wheezes came out of his mouth. He squeezed the DVD tight against his chest and felt his core tremble.

 

“It’s not what you probably think,” Shintaro said and held a surprisingly soft look on his face. “I just haven’t had the time to throw them away.”

 

Kazunari nodded. He said, “I can, you know… I have movies at home, some action stuff if that’s any better. If this is no good.”

 

“I don’t mind watching it.”

 

With deep hesitation rooted in his heart, Kazunari put the DVD on and skipped on the couch. Was this really going to be alright? He glanced towards Shintaro but the man was suddenly gone, leaving him baffled. He blinked and looked around, wondered whether Shintaro had already decided to escape, and pulled up his legs. A smile wavered to his lips, however, when the other came back with two cans of beer in his hands and settled on the couch next to him.

 

“I bought these earlier,” Shintaro said. “And I thought I’d give one to you if you promise not to go overboard this time.”

 

Kazunari chuckled and reached his hand towards the man. “I promise, I promise, it won’t happen again.”

 

His fingers brushed over Shintaro’s as the can changed its owner, and a string of shivers pierced his spine. It tingled pleasantly and made him shudder, but Kazunari still tried not to think about it too much; it had just been a casual, everyday-like touch, nothing more. He opened the can and took the first sip as the bright colors of the movie filled the whole living room. Suggesting a movie might have been a mistake from his side – this way they couldn’t talk. Kazunari pouted but accepted his faith nonetheless, relaxed on the couch and ended up hugging a cushion against his chest.

 

Half an hour later the pizza had arrived and the romance in the movie turned into comedy, which was a somewhat relief for Kazunari. His share of beer was long gone, and he had destroyed half of the pizza, and most of his time he spent sneaking a glance towards Shintaro rather than the movie. He gripped a water glass tighter in his grasp and moistened his lips, wanted to start a conversation with the man. All possible subjects dissolved from his mind, however, when he looked at Shintaro’s profile. A faint smile rose to his lips. _He really looks good_. Out of the blue he was caught staring, and he startled, flustered and fixed his gaze back on the TV. He felt Shintaro still stare at him, and it didn’t calm down at all.

 

“How’s the horoscope thing doing?” he said out of sheer panic but congratulated himself right afterwards for an excellent topic starter.

 

Shintaro looked surprised. “It’s… doing okay, I suppose.”

 

“Yeah? What’s your, uh, what were they again? Lucky items?”

 

“Lucky items,” Shintaro confirmed. He rubbed his nape. “Today Cancer’s lucky item is a necklace. I’m wearing two, one for Haru because I didn’t want him to strangle to one if he gets energetic again.”

 

“As expected from a father like you.” Kazunari grinned. “What about my lucky item?”

 

“I can search it.”

 

“Oh, no, you don’t have to—“

 

Before he was able to finish his sentence, Shintaro had already gotten up. Kazunari heaved out a sigh but hid a smile behind his palm. He watched Shintaro stroll around the living room in a clear search of something, and eventually the man came back with a phone in his hand. Kazunari would have lied if he had said it didn’t pique his interest at all.

 

“Your sign was… Scorpio, right?”

 

“Yup!”

 

Kazunari shifted closer to see the tiny screen of the phone and ended up pressing the side of his thigh against Shintaro’s. Shintaro glanced at him but said nothing and didn’t even do the effort to move farther away. Such a little detail warmed Kazunari’s heart, and as it began to beat irregularly and skip odd beats, he leaned closer to see what Shintaro was looking at.

 

“Mm, Scorpio…” Shintaro murmured. His fingers looked even longer and slender over the phone’s tiny keys. “Here, see? Your lucky item today are glasses. Any kind of glasses should be fine.”

 

“Huh…”

 

He fixed his gaze on Shintaro’s face and immediately found what he was looking for. An impish smirk rose to his lips, and when Shintaro got distracted with glancing more at his phone, Kazunari grabbed the man’s glasses with an effortless maneuver. Shintaro exclaimed but the accident had already happened – Kazunari settled the glasses on his nose and snorted. The world looked twisted through them, awfully zoomed, and it immediately gave him a headache.

 

“Don’t play with them,” Shintaro said.

 

“Of course not, I just want to feel luckier right now.”

 

“Come on, now.”

 

Kazunari pursed his lips in an act of looking hesitant but shook his head, shuffled further away from Shintaro. He felt child-like at the moment, wanted to tease the man a bit more to get rid of the tenseness, but he would have never in million years thought that Shintaro would take the bait.

 

It was the reason why he got surprised when Shintaro out of the blue leapt towards him and ended up wrestling with him on the couch. Kazunari laughed with a high-pitched tone as if he was being eaten, his abdomen hurting and his breath wheezing. He evaded Shintaro’s attempts of trying to retrieve the glasses and crawled farther away, but there was no strength left in his body because of all the laughing. Eventually he gave up and fell on the couch on his back, his chest rising heavily. Maybe Shintaro didn’t think twice about it when he crawled over him to snatch the glasses away, but their bodies piled up and pressed closer together than ever.

 

Kazunari swallowed and looked up into Shintaro’s eyes. Both of them caught their breaths, and neither said anything. His skin tingled from the sudden intimacy, and he wished he could have wrapped his arms around Shintaro’s waist and hold him there on top of him forever. He moistened his lips and pushed himself up on his elbows, but Shintaro didn’t really budge at all. A frown rose to Kazunari’s face, and his pulse ticked harder than before. His palms felt sweaty.

 

“You’re a bit heavy,” he mumbled under his breath.

 

Just as quietly Shintaro apologized and finally retreated away from him. Although the weight of another body was gone, Kazunari still felt the warmth it had caused. He breathed heavily, afraid to lose control and forced himself up. His pulse beat hard right next to his spine, and he flushed like a wretched teenager. All of him trembled as he pulled his legs back up against his chest and kept his gaze firmly on the TV. That had been dangerous, _way_ too dangerous. Only a second or two longer, and he would have snapped and done something he would have surely regretted straight afterwards.

 

“Kazunari,” Shintaro called with a soft tone that Kazunari had only heard him use for Haru, “I want to thank you.”

 

Kazunari allowed himself a peek towards Shintaro and frowned. “For what?”

 

“For, well… Moving next door, I suppose, if that makes any sense.” Shintaro rolled his eyes to his own words and kept his eyes on Kazunari. “It has only been few weeks but I can already see these subtle differences in Haru. He is a shy child, and he hasn’t had a lot of friends, and I’ve always worried… But nowadays all he talks about is how much fun he is having with Fumi, and I… want to thank you for that.”

 

Kazunari didn’t know what to say at all, thus he resulted in staring at Shintaro with mouth dropped open and widened eyes. What was he even supposed to say to such thing? _You’re welcome?_ His pulse danced wildly on the very surface of his skin, tingled all over his body. He huffed and tried to sign that he was – unlike usually – rather speechless, and it seemed that Shintaro understood. An actual smile rose to Shintaro’s lips, and the man inched closer. Kazunari trembled.

 

“You have, um…” Shintaro signed towards Kazunari’s face.

 

“What?” Kazunari finally managed to muster out and pressed his fingertips against his cheek. Was something stuck on his face? He rubbed his skin but he felt nothing.

 

“Let me.”

 

Shintaro moved even closer, and once again their legs pressed against each other. The slender fingertips gently brushed over Kazunari’s cheek and stroked some of the dark hair behind his ear, and Kazunari felt lightheaded. He was absolutely sure he was dreaming this, or at least hallucinating, because the fingers felt good and warm and they made him weak in the knees. The green of Shintaro’s eyes examined him keenly, and Kazunari grunted. _Endure it_ , he told himself, _endure it, endure it, he’s just wiping some dirt off your face_ …

 

The unfortunate fact was, however, that Shintaro looked ridiculously beautiful up close. Kazunari felt like sinking to the brightness of the eyes. The man had such long eyelashes, too, and plump lips that came closer and closer. It was a nice hallucination nonetheless, but he didn’t want to go crazy quite yet, not this young.

 

The lips he stared so intensely suddenly kissed him. It happened just like that, like it wasn’t a big deal that Shintaro – a _straight_ man nonetheless – kissed him. Kazunari hummed, and although shock made his insides cold, he couldn’t possibly refuse the invitation; he had been fantasizing about it, after all! A deep frown engraved to his forehead, and hesitantly he moved his hands to Shintaro’s shoulders. The kiss tasted of beer and pineapple, possible the weirdest combination he had ever tasted like this, but it was soft and tender and made him want to beg for more.

 

His head spun, and all that went through his mind was _is this really happening_. Kazunari sat still, frozen, but somehow managed to respond the kiss with the same gentleness. He rubbed his fingertips over Shintaro’s velvet smooth nape and hummed, squeezed his eyes tightly shut. He really wasn’t dreaming this, _no_ , Shintaro was really kissing him. The kiss stretched, became a bit rougher, and finally Kazunari peeled himself away from the other man. He huffed hard and barely managed to look Shintaro in his eyes. His cheeks glowed and felt hot, and he was sure they were just as blushed as Shintaro’s at the moment. Kazunari licked his lips and tasted Shintaro on them.

 

Several questions went spun in his mind, the most frequent ones probably being _why did you do that_ and _did that mean something_. What eventually made past his line of teeth, however, was a panicking, “You didn’t have to do that.”

 

Shintaro pressed the tip of his nose against Kazunari’s and only said, “I know.”

 

All of it threw Kazunari off balance. He didn’t know whether he was supposed to be a responsible human being and stop this before Shintaro was going to regret it or just go with the flow. The latter option won when he was kissed again and could no longer take it. He parted his lips and invaded Shintaro’s mouth with his tongue, wrapped his arms around the man’s neck and embraced him, pulled him against his body and grunted into the kiss. It was wrong and all of him knew it, but not a single part of his body managed to stop the snowball from falling. When Shintaro’s tongue began to dance with his, Kazunari admitted that it was too late to stop.

 

He tilted his head and kissed Shintaro better. It was possibly the most bittersweet and confusing kiss he had ever gotten, and he really didn’t know what to think about it. Familiar heat settled to the very pit of his stomach and made him aroused beyond words. Kazunari shifted his body and wanted to straddle Shintaro but didn’t dare to. Instead, he grasped the hair on the man’s nape and made him groan. It was music to his ears, and a bit too soon his erection pitched a proud tent.

 

By now Kazunari moved with his instincts. He nipped Shintaro’s bottom lip and drew out the most erotic moans he had ever heard. They made him excited and daring, and with ease he planted his hand over Shintaro’s groin. The man protested none, and Kazunari was pleased to feel a rock hard erection under his palm; it simply meant that his kisses were working. Part of him was afraid that something about him would turn Shintaro off, and so he stroked the shape of Shintaro’s cock through the fabric of the sweatpants.

 

The kiss broke off. Shintaro huffed and muttered, “Sorry.”

 

It took a while for Kazunari to realize that the man was talking about his hard-on. He flashed a grin and buried his face to Shintaro’s neck, left a hickey and nibbled the earlobe right in front of his mouth. Straight to Shintaro’s ear he whispered, “I’ll take care of it.”

 

He hoped off the couch and knelt in front of Shintaro on the floor. He knew he had to hurry, otherwise Shintaro might snap out of whatever spell he was currently under. Kazunari could barely breathe properly through his excitement, and his knees quickly complained about the position. His fingers trembled as he pulled Shintaro’s shirt up, and with haste he left a wet trail of kiss on the other’s abdomen. If he had all the time in the world, he would have taken his time to kiss Shintaro’s skin, lick it all over and be happy with the slightly tangy taste on his tongue. Now Kazunari yanked Shintaro’s pants lower and got greeted by an impressive erection.

 

“Kazunari,” Shintaro quietly called and worked his fingers through Kazunari’s hair. He cleared his throat. “What are you planning to—“

 

Kazunari gave no chance to finish the sentence as he swallowed Shintaro’s cock whole. A loud grunt escaped from Shintaro, and Kazunari hurried, feared for the words of _please stop, this is disgusting, stop doing this_. He squeezed Shintaro’s thighs and forced the legs to part wider, bobbed his head. The cock strained in his mouth, and it made his own weep from joy. Kazunari swirled his tongue around the length, tried to remember the last time he had gotten the opportunity to do something like this and decided to apply all of his best, well-honed techniques to make Shintaro feel especially good.

 

He shuddered when Shintaro tightened his grasp from his hair. There was something sexy about the way he was being held in place, and Kazunari thought that maybe, just _maybe_ Shintaro was really enjoying this. He glanced up and met with Shintaro’s gaze, and didn’t look away anymore, forced Shintaro to look at him more and more while he was doing this. Kazunari wrapped his fingers around the hilt and took the man’s dick deeper in his mouth, deep-throated him and gagged from the size. Hastily Shintaro tried to yank him back up, but Kazunari stayed stubborn and continued with it just like that. It felt insanely good. With so much pent-up energy inside him, he felt ready to come without even touching himself.

 

He did touch himself, though, over his pants, rubbed his erection and hoped for a release. Shintaro looked gorgeous with his lips parted and moans coming out, he looked positively going crazy with pleasure any moment now. Heat crawled to Kazunari’s stomach and chest, and he pulled his head a bit back. He twirled his tongue over the glans, smeared the gracious amount of pre-cum and licked it away. Stroking the shaft in a tight grasp, he sucked Shintaro fast and hard, grunting himself quite loudly. _Please let him enjoy this_ , he begged and took a peek upwards, then grinned. It seemed he was worried for nothing, especially when Shintaro was thrusting his hips forward like that.

 

The pressure within his own pants built up. He kissed the length and reached his lips all the way to the scrotum, until Shintaro’s fingers – surprisingly enough – demanded him back to the cock. Kazunari obeyed with pleasure and squeezed his eyes shut, sucked and licked while working his hand over his own hard-on.

 

“Kazunari…” Shintaro whimpered out of the blue.

 

A gush of cum invaded Kazunari’s mouth without a single warning. It was thick and trickled down his chin, and he coughed, pulled his head back. He listened Shintaro’s heavy huffs and watched his body melt against the couch, and decided that this was a job well done – he had made a straight man come with a blowjob. He wiped the corners of his lips to the back of his palm and made sure to lick away even the tiniest drop. The taste burnt on his palate but was somewhat pleasant.

 

There was still the burning question about his own orgasm which he wanted to reach as soon as possible. His knees buckled as he got up, and he covered his groin with his palm. He desperately wanted to finish himself off right here under Shintaro’s watchful eyes, but he was worried that Shintaro would find it weird or even disgusting. As it was the last thing that Kazunari wanted, he knew there was only one thing to do.

 

“I’ll borrow your bathroom,” he hurried to say.

 

Shintaro muttered something that Kazunari no longer heard as he rushed to the bathroom as quickly as he could. He sat over the toilet and forced his pants down, wrapped his palm around his cock and muffled his cry. Squeezing his eyes shut, he worked his hand furiously on his dick, wanted to finish as quickly as possible before Shintaro would get suspicious. He thought of Shintaro and bit his bottom lip, wished for his fingers to be the other’s slender ones. His entrance twitched and demanded something inside, but Kazunari didn’t give in. Shintaro had looked incredible, and his body was amazing. Kazunari hoped that one day he could see it fully naked in the same bed under the same blankets and trembled.

 

When he came and soiled his hand – fast, nonetheless –, an enormous wave of guilt washed over him. He hung his head and grasped his hair, shivered from pure disgust. Had he prayed on Shintaro? Absolutely, at least in his own mind. Maybe Shintaro had only been sentimental and wanted some comfort, maybe the movie had reminded too much of his late wife after all… _And I just went with it and gave him a blowjob!_ Kazunari groaned and pulled his pants back up. He should have been more responsible, he shouldn’t have done it, he shouldn’t have allowed his dirty mind to take over and do things to Shintaro like that. He buried his nails to his thigh and tsked.

 

A knock came from the door and jumbled his thoughts.

 

“Kazunari?” echoed Shintaro’s voice through the wood. “Are you alright?”

 

Kazunari swallowed hard. Was he alright? _No_. He forced himself up on his feet and ran his fingers through his hair, paced around the bathroom like a maniac. He mustered out, “Uh, um… Yeah, I’m alright. I’m alright!”

 

“…did I do something wrong?”

 

He stopped dead on his tracks and stared at the closed door. Did Shintaro really sound worried now? Kazunari frowned and tiptoed closer, ended up right behind the door. His heart thumped fast, and his skin prickled. He ruffled his hair and wondered what would happen if he opened the door and admitted that he wanted to do so much more. He hesitated but grabbed the door handle anyway, swung the door open. Shintaro stumbled but remained on his feet. Kazunari examined the man’s expression and was now certain of it – Shintaro _was_ worried.

 

“I think I’m the one who did something wrong.” Kazunari pressed his shoulder against the doorframe and pushed a smile on his lips. “But accidents like these happen to friends all the time, so we shouldn’t worry too much.”

 

“Accidents?” Shintaro repeated slowly.

 

“Yeah!” Good, he sounded care-free, like someone who _really_ just wanted to brush it off as a misfortunate and embarrassing mishap. “But we’re cool now, right?”

 

“Right…”

 

“Great!”

 

Kazunari pushed himself away from the wall and slapped Shintaro’s shoulder. Even the smallest of touches made his insides warm up all over again, and he wished they could just have mind-blowing sex right here, right now. His fingers lingered on the shoulder, and to his surprise Shintaro didn’t seem to mind at all. He wished he wasn’t this much of a coward, otherwise he would have told Shintaro exactly how he felt and begged for the man to touch him even better.

 

He slumped back down on the couch, but his body remained tense. Shintaro seemed to be the same when he took a seat beside him. They were closer than before, only few funny inches between their bodies, and it excited Kazunari. He swallowed but even so felt like his heart had found a permanent home from his throat.

 

“What made you think you did something wrong?” he asked, genuine curiosity burning his tongue.

 

Shintaro cleared his throat and rubbed his neck, averted his gaze. He looked embarrassed. “I… Well, I… thought that I might have sounded weird or so… I haven’t really done that in years.”

 

Kazunari’s mouth dropped open, but quickly he forced it to close. His pulse rose to a whole new level as he watched Shintaro’s reddening profile. “You mean… You haven’t had sex since your wife died?”

 

“I haven’t.”

 

_Fuck_. Slowly Kazunari nodded and turned his gaze back on the TV. He felt flushed under Shintaro’s gaze but tried to calm himself down and tell himself that there was nothing wrong with what they had done. Shintaro had been the one initiating it, anyway! Kazunari sneaked a peek towards the other man who still looked at him, with a deep frown now, and he hurried to smile. His lips trembled slightly, though, and probably made his smile look weird.

 

“Do you want to stay the night?” Shintaro suddenly asked.

 

Kazunari couldn’t help but nod. Maybe he was thinking too deeply into it, and maybe Shintaro didn’t think anything weird about what had happened. It was probably so – they were grown men, after all, no longer teenagers who overthought everything. Feeling a bit lighter, like a weight had lifted from his shoulder, Kazunari decided not to stress about it too much and instead, enjoyed the evening together with Shintaro.


	9. Chapter 9

Kazunari was all smiles. Late last night he had finally decided to concentrate on the good thing, which was the fact that he had given Shintaro a blowjob. In his mind it was a step towards the right direction, and when he had realized it, he couldn’t stop his smiles anymore. He was definitely in a great mood, babbling this and that to Shintaro who strolled by his side. Honestly, even Shintaro seemed to be in a good mood, nodding along, sometimes even smiling. Every time that happened, Kazunari wanted to rub his eyes to make sure he wasn’t hallucinating, but there were smiles on Shintaro’s lips, and they were directed to _him_.

 

Every now and then he had the urge to simply stop Shintaro and give him a kiss. It was an urge that was nearly too powerful to stop, but he restrained himself. The closest he had gotten to a kiss had been in the breakfast table; they had sat side by side, his foot accidentally rubbing against Shintaro’s leg – and after that _not_ so accidentally –, and it had been the perfect moment for a kiss. Kazunari, however, had chickened out, but now that they were walking in the brisk morning with not a lot of people around, the urge resurfaced. He contained himself.

 

Eventually they were back behind the door to Taiga’s and Tetsuya’s place, and with one more shared glance Kazunari rang the doorbell. Nigou barked straight away, sounding as energetic as ever, and Kazunari took a precautionary step back already. Shintaro followed, stayed by his side as if their bodies were glued together, and an electric-like shudder ran down Kazunari’s spine. He grinned to Shintaro and examined how the lean fingers pushed the glasses up the nose’s bridge.

 

The door cracked open, enough for Nigou to not repeat yesterday’s scene. Instead of the Husky running wild, Tetsuya peeked out. A smile rose to his lips.

 

“Hello, Takao-kun, Midorima-kun.”

 

“Hey, hey.” Kazunari stepped closer. “We’re here to pick up the boys. Are we too early?”

 

“Not at all, they are playing video games with Kagami-kun. Please come in.”

 

Both of the boys were indeed engrossed with a video game filled with tiny basketball players; Fumi sat in Taiga’s lap and swayed his hands although he had no controller, and Haru seemed to play furiously along judging from the little grunts he let out. Kazunari snickered and even found a smile on Shintaro’s lips. The kids were indeed cute, being so into something together. It looked like there was a serious basketball match going on, and even Taiga seemed to be really into it although his opponent was a four year old. Nigou circled Kazunari’s feet, and once he got the man to pet him, he let out a happy bark and moved to Tetsuya.

 

“Look who is here,” Tetsuya called over the shouts of the game.

 

The game paused, and Haru glanced over his shoulder. He surely spotted his own daddy first as his expression brightened. With ease he threw the controller and jumped off the couch, ran to hug Shintaro. Shintaro’s expression softened.

 

“Daddy, daddy, guess what!” Haru jumped up and down with energy enough to spare to others as well. “Guess what, guess what! Kagami plays basketball, he jumps really high, really really high, daddy!”

 

Shintaro looked puzzled but ruffled Haru’s hair anyway. Taiga leaned to the back of the couch and looked at them with a grin on his lips, while Kazunari circled around the couch to pick Fumi up in his arms. Obviously Fumi wanted to stay longer in Taiga’s lap, but didn’t complain much when he was gently pressed against his father’s chest.

 

“I showed them one of our matches this season,” Taiga explained and fixed his gaze on Shintaro. “Haru seems to really like basketball, so I thought why not. A little bird told me that you play, too.”

 

“Played,” Shintaro corrected. He moistened his lips. “It was years ago.”

 

“What position?”

 

“Shooting guard.”

 

“Huh…” Taiga looked at Tetsuya and worked himself up. Over his shoulder he glanced at Kazunari and ruffled his bed hair. “I don’t know if you two are interested, but Kuroko and I are going to play street basketball with my teammate. You should come along so we can have a proper three-on-three for once.”

 

“I’m in,” Kazunari immediately said, never one to turn down an offer to play basketball.

 

“I don’t know…” Shintaro hesitated.

 

“You don’t have to come, Midorima-kun, please don’t feel pressured,” Tetsuya helped.

 

“Daddy, please!” Haru jumped up and down and yanked his father’s sleeve. “Let’s go, daddy, please, please!”

 

Shintaro frowned and looked at Kazunari. Kazunari made sure to give the man his most encouraging smile and nodded, really wanted Shintaro to join them – it simply meant he could spend even more time with the other. Eventually Shintaro sighed.

 

“Just for a little while,” he gave in and directed his words mostly to Haru.

 

Haru shrieked happily and smiled as brightly as the Sun, hugged his father. It clearly baffled Shintaro, but still a smile melted to his lips, and he hugged his son back.

 

The hassle began immediately. Taiga went for a change of clothes, and Tetsuya murmured something about snacks to take along. Haru and Fumi seemed to go crazy. Kazunari sneaked next to Shintaro and nudged his shoulder, smiled at him when the green gaze fell on him. In the midst of the sudden chaos it was easy for him to get close to the other man, and he enjoyed every second of their bodies touching each other, even when it was just a little.

 

“It’ll be fine,” he said as he witnessed Shintaro’s troubled look. He chuckled and nudged the other’s shoulder again. “What are you so nervous about?”

 

“I just haven’t played in years.”

 

“It’s just for fun,” Kazunari said but doubted his own words right away. “Mostly, at least… Those two are such lifetime rivals that there might be fighting going on, but Tetsuya should keep them at bay.”

 

“Uh-huh…”

 

Haru and Fumi ran around the living room, and the next time the boys passed them, Kazunari grabbed his own to his arms. Fumi protested loudly and struggled, but soon found a nicer thing to do as he tried to reach his tiny fingers to Shintaro’s glasses. Soon Haru calmed down as well and stood in front of his father like the good boy he was.

 

Half an hour later the whole party got out of the apartment. Haru begged to walk Nigou and so he did, right between his father and Taiga. Behind them Kazunari trailed with Fumi in his arms and Tetsuya by his side. He looked at Shintaro’s backside and the little swirl his hair formed to his nape and wished he could tangle his fingers to it and comb it neat again. He let out a silent sigh and nuzzled Fumi’s cheek, knew very well that he had fallen and done it too hard. There was no way he could give up on Shintaro now, not after what happened yesterday. A smile curled to his lips nonetheless, and he listened Fumi’s silent groans next to his ear.

 

“How did it go with the boys?” he asked and pressed his cheek to Fumi’s to be able to look at Tetsuya.

 

“Very well.” Tetsuya glanced up at the sky that shone bright blue. “They were both mostly calm, we made pancakes and went to bed early.”

 

“So you think we could drop them to your place more often?”

 

Tetsuya looked at him and smiled lopsidedly. “You sound rather happy today, Takao-kun.”

 

“Do I now? I don’t know about that,” Kazunari snickered.

 

“Did something good happen with you and Midorima-kun last night?”

 

“Is it that obvious?”

 

“Yes.” Tetsuya’s smile turned kinder. “I figured there was something going on beforehand, you wouldn’t have called me to babysit so suddenly otherwise.”

 

“Well, you know…” Kazunari rocked Fumi in his arms and made the boy giggle. He looked at Shintaro’s backside again and bit his lip to prevent himself from smiling too widely. “Some things happened last night, we didn’t get together or anything! But maybe one day…”

 

“Happiness suits you.”

 

Kazunari looked at Tetsuya and grinned. He had to agree – happiness _did_ suit him, and he wished it would continue for a long time. They continued to walk in silence, while Shintaro and Taiga chatted together, looking like they were hitting it off. Kazunari ran his fingertips along the fence that circled the run-down court. Shouts and the bouncing of a basketball echoed from there, and he spotted three figures. His smile widened, and he was more than happy they had come along; he couldn’t remember the last time they had all gathered along like this.

 

One of the figures stopped in the middle of the court and waved their hand. “Yo, idiot, over here!”

 

Kazunari had no troubles guessing just who it was. Taiga swayed his hand back.

 

“Did you bring a kindergarten along or something?” continued the shout.

 

Shintaro slowed his pace enough to settle next to Kazunari. A deep frown invaded his face as he quietly asked, “Who are they on the court?”

 

Kazunari snickered and leaned closer. “The taller one’s Aomine Daiki, he plays in NBA with Kagami, and the other one is his partner, Kise Ryouta.”

 

“I heard that it is Aomine Ryouta nowadays,” Tetsuya said.

 

Kazunari blinked. “They got married?”

 

“Apparently.”

 

“I see…” Shintaro murmured.

 

They curved to the court and got greeted by Daiki, who slapped Taiga on the shoulder in a way that looked painful. Apparently it wasn’t, since Taiga only grinned and stepped aside. When Daiki’s gaze fell on Kazunari and from there to Shintaro, for a fleeting second he looked puzzled, but then smirked. Eventually he concentrated his gaze on Fumi, though, and stepped closer.

 

“Who’s this grown-up runt here?” He held his hands out.

 

“Uncle, hug, hug!” Fumi shrieked and struggled out of Kazunari’s grasp to get into Daiki’s arms.

 

“Huh, who is this runt calling uncle?” Daiki picked the boy better in his arms. “Do I really look that old, you little brat?”

 

Fumi only giggled.

 

“He’s really grown since we last saw him,” Daiki said as he put Fumi down but got his legs hugged by the little boy immediately.

 

“Kids tend to do that,” Taiga interrupted.

 

“No one asked your opinion, jackass.” Daiki ruffled Fumi’s hair and glanced up at Shintaro and Kazunari. He smirked and to the latter man said, “You finally changed that uptight bitch, didn’t you? Nice choice.”

 

Shintaro flustered and looked uncomfortable right away, pushed his glasses and let his fingers linger on the frames. Kazunari cleared his throat and shifted his weight from one foot to another, motioned towards Shintaro.

 

“Not my new guy,” he said and smiled lopsidedly. “This is my neighbor, Shin-chan.”

 

“Midorima,” Shintaro corrected.

 

“Aomine, nice to meet you.” Daiki pointed towards the perky blond behind him that closed in on the rest of them. “That’s my bitch, Ryouta.”

 

“Daikicchi!” Ryouta whined.

 

“Alright, _alright_ , my airheaded husband.”

 

“Nice to meet you,” Shintaro mustered out although he looked overwhelmed. He glanced at Kazunari who gave him a wide grin.

 

Daiki pointed towards Haru. “Who’s this little guy?”

 

“My son, Haru.”

 

“Nice to meet you, too. Our boy Natsuki’s there on the other side of the court, your kids can go there while we play.” Daiki ruffled his hair. “What position do you play?”

 

“Shooting guard,” Shintaro said.

 

“Great, come to my team.” Looking at Kagami, he said, “Oi, swap Tetsu to Ryouta.”

 

“What are you saying?” Ryouta shrieked and wrapped his arms around Daiki’s shoulders. “You want to swap me to Kurokocchi? What about my feelings?”

 

“Hah, your _feelings_? We’re always playing like this, might as well spice things up!”

 

The bickering continued loudly between the pair, which gave Kazunari time enough to shift next to Shintaro. He offered the man a smile and looked on the other side of the court where all three boys were. Haru was playing with the basketball with Natsuki, while Fumi sat on the ground with Nigou by his side. On this side of the court the atmosphere was louder but warm nonetheless, and Kazunari had to admit that he had really missed this.

 

After good few minutes the argument finally quieted down. The core teams remained the same as always – Ryouta with Daiki, Tetsuya with Taiga –, and Kazunari tagged along to the latter. From the very moment the game began, it was obvious how it was going to be; ultimately it was a showdown between Daiki and Taiga, per usual, and the rest of them were mere sidekicks. Kazunari didn’t mind, though, he simply loved to get his body moving and his breath hitch.

 

The duo ran back and forth in the court, the ball never leaving their battle. It took a mere minute for Tetsuya to clearly get tired of it, and he stood still under their basket, arms loosely crossed over his chest. After a while Kazunari joined him as well, when his body turned tired of constantly turning around. Under his breath Tetsuya murmured something about things always turning like this, and Kazunari had to agree.

 

“Give us amateurs a chance, too!” he shouted.

 

When the ball was properly back in the game, he noticed that Shintaro looked like he was really enjoying this. Shintaro looked focused, his gaze never leaving the ball, and out of the blue he had it in his hands. He stopped on the other side of the court. Kazunari sucked a breath and halted, knew what was coming and wanted to see every single second of it. Tetsuya ran past him, clearly readying for a steal, but Kazunari let out an exhale and smiled. No one was going to catch Shintaro. Hesitation rose to Shintaro’s face, but still he bent his legs and jumped, threw the ball.

 

It was the exact replica of the shot Kazunari had witnessed on the tape, but it was more impressive like this. His neck strained as he looked up at the ball, shielded his eyes from the direct rays of Sun, and loved the sound of the net swishing. The ball bouncing and the kids giggling farther away were the only sounds on the court. Everyone stared at Shintaro who averted his gaze and cleared his throat. Weird pride filled Kazunari’s chest.

 

“Dude!” Taiga finally shouted and broke the trance. “What was that?”

 

Although Shintaro didn’t reply anything sensible, he still got encouraging slaps on his back and shoulders. Kazunari looked at the sight and knew that his odd circle of friends had accepted Shintaro just like that. He grinned and gave thumbs up for the man when he glanced at his direction. From afar it looked like Shintaro smiled back at him, but Kazunari couldn’t be sure of it – maybe it was a reflection of the Sun.

 

Suddenly the ball arrived to his palms. He trembled from excitement and slowly lifted his forefinger towards the sky, watched both Tetsuya and Taiga rush forward. Adrenaline pumped fiercely through his veins as he bounced the ball and took the first step. The ball’s surface felt pleasantly rough underneath his fingertips, and he grinned like an idiot. Kazunari fixed his gaze on Shintaro – a silent invitation to come closer. The man took the bait and moved, and Kazunari felt, ridiculously enough, like the whole world stopped spinning around them. It was just him and the man he was really smitten for, and nothing else mattered.

 

He faked, but Shintaro stayed glued to him. Laughter bubbled in his chest and burst out. Another fake, and Shintaro looked mildly baffled. When the man tried to go for a steal, with ease Kazunari passed the ball to Tetsuya who effortlessly gave it to Taiga. The grin on his lips wrinkled his nose, and without a second thought he tiptoed and ruffled Shintaro’s hair. In return he got a nudge on his shoulder, and his heart skipped a beat and pumped warmth throughout his body.

 

The tables kept turning, but soon the team with Kazunari in it was behind few baskets. Kazunari wiped away the sweat from his forehead and took a deep inhale, bent his body. Had it always felt this rough? Tetsuya breathed with same kind of difficulties, but the idiotic duo looked like they were ready to keep going until dawn.

 

Kazunari was about to ready his counter-attack when Fumi’s loud cries filled the entire court. His heart jumped to his throat and his insides turned cold, and frantically he searched for his little boy to his sight. When he saw the tiny figure laying on the ground and crying like a siren, he stumbled a step forward.

 

“I’ll go,” Tetsuya hurried to say and rushed where the kids were. He crouched on the ground and picked Fumi up in his lap, rocked him and stroked his hair, but the boy kept crying. The tallest of the boys looked incredibly guilty with a ball on his hands.

 

“Oi, Natsu!” Daiki shouted. “Try not to throw the ball to the brats.”

 

“Sorry, Dad!”

 

Little by little Kazunari calmed down to the same rhythm as his son did; Fumi only sobbed a bit. He refocused his gaze on their game and bounced the ball, cleared his throat. It felt like his whole body and mind were conditioned to Fumi’s cry, especially when it wasn’t the little crocodile tears. The next play went downhill with their uneven teams, and the counter-attack came. It didn’t get through when a upbeat ringtone interrupted it.

 

“Kagami-kun, it’s your phone,” Tetsuya said on the side.

 

“Sorry, guys!” Taiga abandoned the game.

 

“Man, we can’t even play properly!” Daiki complained.

 

Fidgeting, Kazunari shouted, “Shin-chan, come be a team with me so we can play two-on-two!”

 

Shintaro complied, and the game continued. Kazunari knew straight away that they were the underdog here – he knew that Daiki and Ryouta knew each other’s playing styles like the back of their hands, just like Tetsuya and Taiga did. It was futile for him to try to learn how Shintaro played in the matter of silly minutes, but he was rather proud of himself for being to successfully pass the ball to the man several times. He even managed to evade Daiki once, but it was left with that one time; whenever he tried again, it failed miserably.

 

Knowing that they were going to lose like this, Kazunari crooked his finger to Shintaro and got the man beside him. Shintaro leaned closer, and Kazunari swayed his hand towards Daiki and Ryouta, pointed to the court.

 

“I’ll start an attack,” he began with a hushed tone and looked up into the green eyes, momentarily lost what he wanted to say and then returned back to Earth. “I’ll run forward and fake, and you stay here and I pass to you, and then you shoot your miraculous—“

 

“Dada!” Fumi suddenly screamed louder than ever, crying, sounded like he was panicking. “Dada, dada! Hug Fumi, hug Fumi!”

 

Kazunari startled and looked at the boy who struggled wildly in Tetsuya’s lap. A soft sigh escaped from his lips, and he gave the ball to Shintaro, waved his hand.

 

“Sorry, I’ve been summoned!”

 

He hurried to the side of the court and watched with a smile how Fumi reached his hands towards him, wanting to be picked up. Plump tears rolled down his cheeks, and there was a tiny glimmer of actual distress in the bright eyes. Kazunari sat down on the ground that felt burning hot and let Fumi climb to his lap. He hugged the boy tight against his chest and worked his fingers through the dark hair, felt a little bump in the midst of the strands. Kissing Fumi’s forehead, Kazunari settled him better to his lap and watched the game where Taiga had joined back.

 

“Did daddy look cool on court?” he murmured to Fumi’s ear.

 

“Cool,” Fumi agreed.

 

“I knew it.” Kazunari laughed and tickled the boy’s stomach. Fumi squirmed in his lap and snorted, sounded like a dying little baby whale to Kazunari’s ears. He lifted Fumi better to his lap and asked, “Isn’t Shin-chan also really cool? Look at him, over there, there.”

 

“Shin-chan,” said Fumi.

 

Kazunari smiled and buried his nose to Fumi’s hair that had a faint fruity scent on them. He kissed the top of the tiny head and pressed his cheek against the hair, looked at Tetsuya who sat in silence and stroked Nigou’s fur.

 

“Aren’t you going to go and play?” he asked.

 

Tetsuya shook his head. “I already drained most of my energy. Kagami-kun and Aomine-kun have too much energy compared to everyone else.”

 

“Yeah, true,” Kazunari snickered. He looked at the furious game and found himself mostly staring at Shintaro. On the court Shintaro looked gorgeous, as tall as Daiki but leaner. His hair shone bright green under the Sun, and surely droplets of sweat trickled down his forehead. Kazunari let out a dreamy sigh and bounced Fumi on his knee.

 

“Is Takao-kun in love?” Tetsuya asked out of the blue.

 

“W-What? No… No, that’s way too soon.” Kazunari narrowed his eyes as the game turned a lot aggressive than before. Shintaro and Taiga were holding their grounds surprisingly well… It was a pleasant sight to him to watch Shintaro dribble the ball.

 

“Midorima-kun seems to be a good man.”

 

“Aomine’s going to fake!” Kazunari shouted when Shintaro got to one-on-one with Daiki.

 

Daiki stopped dead on his tracks and stared at their way. “No shouting if you’re not playing!”

 

Kazunari snickered and hugged Fumi tighter, let the boy fiddle with his fingers and put them in his mouth as he pleased. He startled to Tetsuya’s gaze and said, “Sorry, did you say something?”

 

“That Midorima-kun seems to be a good man,” Tetsuya repeated.

 

“Oh, yeah, he is… Definitely.” Kazunari glanced at the corner of the court where Haru jumped up and down, trying to steal the ball from Natsuki. A smile crept to his lips. “And a really great dad, too… He’s raised a really adorable son.”

 

Tetsuya looked thoughtful. “Midorima-kun would make a great father for Fumi-chan, too.”

 

“You’re getting way ahead of yourself, okay?” Kazunari pulled his finger out of Fumi’s mouth, but the teeth enclosed back around his skin immediately. “It’s really not going to be like that, he’s not gay or anything.”

 

“I think Midorima-kun really cares for Takao-kun.”

 

Kazunari shrugged and remained silent. How he wished Tetsuya was right, but he couldn’t tell when it came down to Shintaro. Surely Shintaro had given him his share of sweet, thoughtful things that just regular friends didn’t do, but he couldn’t be sure. Kazunari stared at the ground underneath his feet and tuned out of the noises around him, thought of Shintaro and nothing more. Did he have a chance for Shintaro? Even the slightest one would have been okay. If he’d know that there was even a tiny chance, he would be happy…

 

From the corner of his eye he spotted Shintaro sit down on the ground next to him and startled. He sucked a quick breath and noticed that Tetsuya got up with a smile. A bit of embarrassment took Kazunari over, but he turned to look at Shintaro either way.

 

“Is the game over already?”

 

“I think they might be taking a break,” Shintaro said.

 

Kazunari nodded and found himself staring at the man way too much. He couldn’t find the urge to do something about it, though. “So? What do you think of this posse?”

 

“Everyone’s certainly… interesting.” Shintaro ruffled his hair. “How did you get to know them in the first place?”

 

“Well, I was friends with Tetsuya when we were teenagers, you know, and I sort of knew Kagami by his face but got to know him better when they started to date each other. Then Aomine’s from Kagami’s side, and he started to date Ryouta who was sort of friends with Tetsuya.”

 

“I see…”

 

“So I’m basically the fifth wheel here,” Kazunari snorted.

 

Shintaro hummed. He looked amused but still didn’t let a smile push through his lips. “You mentioned once you weren’t that good in basketball and I believed that, but you proved me wrong.”

 

“Did I really?” Kazunari rubbed his nape and let Fumi stumble back to the other boys as he demanded so. Shintaro’s words made him pleasantly flustered. “I’m not anything special when you compare me to Aomine or Kagami, even Tetsuya’s more amazing than me.”

 

“I thought you were amazing.”

 

Kazunari stared at Shintaro like the man had gone mad – maybe he really was. He tried to find humorous words to brush the compliment off like he would normally do, but he was at loss. With alarming speed a blush invaded his cheeks and spread all the way to his hairline. He parted his lips and breathed sharply, felt his heart go crazy. Shintaro had said such a thing so casually, like it was the most normal fact for him. Kazunari rubbed his nose and sucked his bottom lip, got lost in the greenness of Shintaro’s eyes.

 

“You’re really good at flattering, Shin-chan,” he managed to say with a snicker under his tone.

 

“It wasn’t flattery. I was being serious.”

 

What surprised Kazunari the most was Shintaro’s hand that all of a sudden fell over his. He frowned and glanced down at their fingers that entwined together like _that_ was the most normal thing to do. It looked perfect in his mind, his fingers together with Shintaro’s slender ones, and he squeezed them tighter. A second later he realized that Shintaro hadn’t made a mistake after all; he tightened his grasp from Kazunari’s hand and looked at him with such an earnest expression.

 

Kazunari swallowed down a lump that rose to his throat. His skin tingled everywhere in a way it hadn’t done in years. Tetsuya had been right after all – this _had_ to be love, everything seemed to match.

 

“I could kiss you right now,” he laughed, half of it a joke.

 

Without a word Shintaro leaned in and kissed him on the cheek. It was more of a peck, to be honest, but his lips remained on the spot and made Kazunari’s skin feel warmer than before. Kazunari squeezed his eyes shut and shuddered, felt Shintaro’s breath near his ear and knew that like this he would go absolutely crazy. He tightened his grasp from the other man’s fingers and pressed his cheek against his, nuzzled it.

 

“Not exactly what I hoped for,” he softly murmured.

 

“The boys are watching,” Shintaro whispered.

 

“If they weren’t, would you have kissed me someplace else?”

 

“Yes.”

 

The honesty in Shintaro’s voice made Kazunari snort. He heaved out a sigh and kissed the earlobe right in front of his lips, wished that they could stay like this a lot longer but retreated back anyway. He had tons of things to say but he resorted to the gentlest smile he found in his repertoire, holding Shintaro’s hand like they had gone out for years and years. His heart fluttered, and sweet little butterflies raced in his stomach. This was what proper love was supposed to feel like, right? He had already forgotten the feeling of lightness on his shoulders and chest. For a fleeting moment, he felt almost unbearably happy.

 

“Yo, you two lovebirds on the side!” Daiki shouted and pulled Kazunari out of his dreamy, rosy thoughts. “The game’s over but we’re going over at the idiot’s place to grab some food, you wanna come?”

 

Kazunari only had to glance at Shintaro once to reply, “Nah, I think we’re heading home already!”

 

“Suit yourselves!”

 

“Takaocchi, I’m going to take you to a café before we go back to America and you have to tell me all the juicy details!”

 

“Have a safe trip back home, Takao-kun, Midorima-kun.”

 

“Yeah, yeah!” Kazunari swayed his hand at the party that butted too much into details that weren’t even there yet. Ryouta looked hopeful for the ‘juicy details’, and Kazunari silently swore not to give the juiciest ones if he ever received them himself. Fumi stumbled by his side and waved wildly at the men that little by little retreated away.

 

The court silenced, and in the end there were only the four of them left. Kazunari glanced at Shintaro, and as if from a mutual agreement they both got up on their feet. He picked Fumi up, and Haru took a hold of his father’s hand. Walking side by side in wordless aura, Kazunari thought that he wouldn’t have minded a little family of four such as this, and felt that _he_ was the one getting ahead of himself. He glanced down at Shintaro’s free hand and guessed that he could have probably take a sneakily hold of it and brush it off as a joke, but he didn’t find enough courage.

 

“I really enjoyed myself,” Shintaro said as they turned to their home street. “I didn’t remember that playing basketball could be that fun.”

 

“They always play some street basketball when they get together, maybe the two of us can join them the next time as well.”

 

“I would like that.”

 

Kazunari looked at Shintaro and smiled goofily. He felt like he was in a trance of some sort, ready to follow the man wherever he went. In his chest he had such a funny feeling, pleasant and warm, and he hugged Fumi tighter, barely able to keep his eyes on the street instead of Shintaro’s face. He saw little hints of a smile on the other’s lips but couldn’t be certain because of the twilight that was approaching with such speed. He didn’t want to part quite yet, but he knew the inevitable was going to happen when they climbed up the stairs to the right floor.

 

Behind the door to his apartment Kazunari lingered, pretended to search for his keys although they burned on his left-side pocket. It seemed that Shintaro was in no hurry, either, although Haru looked more than keen to get inside already. In the end Shintaro let his son inside but remained on the spot, looked like he was ready to say something. Kazunari swallowed and felt a warm drool trickle to his shoulder from the napping Fumi’s mouth. He cleared his throat and finally fished out his keys.

 

“We, uh, better get going,” he muttered under his breath. _Please don’t let this end yet, just a little while longer, just a little while longer…_

 

“Why don’t you stay over at our place?” Shintaro asked, sounded so casual but his voice trembled.

 

Kazunari wanted to climb on the highest mountain and shout a cry of victory. He perked but bit his cheek to prevent himself from smiling too widely. He moistened his lips and – after some hesitation – told the truth, “I might not be able to control myself if I’m going to your place right now, so I don’t know how good idea that is.”

 

“I’m not asking you to control yourself.” 

 

“Y-You do know what that means, right? I’m gonna want to have—“ He pursed his lips when Haru peeked to the staircase from the doorway. Kazunari continued with a softer tone, “Want to have S-E-X with you.”

 

“After the boys have gone to bed.” Shintaro looked dead serious.

 

Kazunari had to press his lips tightly together to stop his mouth from hanging wide open. Had Shintaro just really agreed to have sex with him? Blood rushed to the most inconvenient places, but he tried to keep himself calm and collected. He lifted Fumi to a better position and quickly went through his options, although he knew very well himself what he was going to choose. There was no way in hell he would let such an opportunity to pass by.

 

“We’ll be in your care in that case,” he said. His spine tingled from excitement.

 

Shintaro stepped aside and opened the door wider, said, “Come on in,” and gave Kazunari a genuine smile.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Important stuff after the chapter ( ´ ▽ ` )ﾉ

The tension didn’t leave Kazunari’s body no matter what he did. He drummed his feet to the floor, but it only made him more nervous; he turned on the TV to get a glimpse of his favorite drama, but even that didn’t soothe him at all. A lump had risen to his throat ages ago and didn’t leave even when he tried to swallow it away. He glanced at the closed door of Haru’s room and hoped that it would open already and Shintaro to come back, because he couldn’t handle his nerves much longer.

 

He took a deep breath and tightened his grasp from the bottle of lube and a packet of condoms that he had rushed to get when Shintaro had disappeared behind the door to get the boys to sleep. Kazunari rubbed his knee and felt his insides shudder, cold shivers piercing his spine with ease. The last time he was this nervous had been when he was fifteen and on the brink of his first time. After that he had had loads of sex, which was why he couldn’t wrap his fingers around his nervousness this time. He glanced down at his lap and scratched away the dried liquid from the side of the bottle. If Shintaro would now back down, he would be thoroughly disappointed. Kazunari betted more on _that_ instead of this plan actually going through. He was a man, after all, and Shintaro hadn’t embraced one before.

 

Finally the door creaked open, but instead of relief, Kazunari got even tenser. He sat straighter on the couch and pressed his tongue against his palate. Did his breath smell funny? _I knew I should have brushed my goddamn teeth_. He watched Shintaro close the door with care and heave out a sigh and finally turn around to face the rest of the living room. Shintaro ruffled his hair and pushed the glasses better in their place, looked thoroughly exhausted.

 

“They finally fell asleep,” he quietly said.

 

“That’s great,” was the first thing that popped out of Kazunari’s mouth.

 

Shintaro tiptoed closer and sat next to him on the couch. After Kazunari closed the TV, silence fell over them, heavier and more awkward than he had thought. A nervous laughter escaped his mouth when he noticed Shintaro’s gaze on the essentials on his lap. His chest tightened. Shintaro seemed to be just as nervous judging from the way his legs twitched, and the realization soothed Kazunari a bit. He wasn’t only one in this strange boat, after all. His only wish was that at the end of the day things had happened and the nervousness dissolved.

 

“Should we go to the bedroom?” Shintaro asked with such calmness in his voice.

 

“Yes!” Kazunari jumped up on his feet and wanted to sink right through the ground. God, he sounded way too enthusiastic, really like a teenager. _Nervousness, go away_ , he chanted, several times on top of that, but it didn’t help.

 

He shadowed Shintaro’s steps to the bedroom and threw his few belongings to the foot of the bed. Shintaro sad down on the edge of the softness, and although Kazunari wanted to follow him, he remained on his feet. He focused his gaze on Shintaro’s hands and found them shaking perhaps a bit too much. He risked a smile and fiddled the hem of his shirt, felt his stomach tighten.

 

“I am a little nervous,” Shintaro admitted.

 

Softly Kazunari laughed. “Me too.”

 

Shintaro frowned. “You are?”

 

“Yeah. I might have done this before, but I’m still nervous.” Kazunari closed in the distance and sat next to Shintaro, nudged him on the shoulder and allowed a wider smile. “But it’s good we’re both in this together, it’s not so awkward that way.”

 

“Mm.” Just like on the court, Shintaro sneaked his hand closer and placed it on top of Kazunari’s, entangled his fingers to the other’s. He frowned and moistened his lips, looked down. “I’m not exactly sure how this is done.”

 

Kazunari let out a shivery breath and squeezed Shintaro’s fingers. They felt warm compared to his cold fingertips, and their existence on top of his own soothed him. Without a word he plopped down on the bed on his back and stared at the light-colored ceiling. He closed his eyes and hummed, kept his hand on Shintaro’s.

 

“Do you want to talk a little?” he asked. “Maybe then we wouldn’t feel so nervous.”

 

“Good idea.”

 

The mattress beneath him shifted, and he peeked just enough to see Shintaro settling down on the bed with him. Somehow, doing this was far more intimate than any sex he had ever gotten, and it made his heart race.

 

“Hey, Shin-chan,” he murmured and stretched his limbs like a cat. “Did you fall for me?”

 

Silence. Then, “Possibly.”

 

Baffled by the honest reply, Kazunari rolled over on his stomach and looked at Shintaro, leaned his chin to his palm. His lips puckered to a thoughtful pout, and he examined the rosy color on the man’s cheeks. Shintaro didn’t move even an inch, and eventually he averted his gaze on the ceiling. Even so, Kazunari kept his eyes on the man’s profile and felt warmth spread from his forehead to the very tip of his toes. He squirmed.

 

“What part of me did you fall for?” he asked.

 

Shintaro’s Adam’s apple bounced up and down in a way that looked painful. The man cleared his throat and slowly rolled on his side to face Kazunari. The eyes that examined him keenly made Kazunari grin like an idiot. He couldn’t handle the anticipation and pressed his cheek on the soft mattress, squeezed his eyes shut, felt like someone close to his son’s age.

 

“Your ridiculous sense of humor,” Shintaro finally said.

 

Kazunari laughed against the mattress. “I thought this was the part where you would compliment me.”

 

“It is a compliment,” Shintaro insisted. “You do have an odd sense of humor, but you make people laugh. And it seems you are good with people in general, especially with children. You are kind, gentle, earnest… You are a person that I wouldn’t mind entrusting Haru to. The way you are, you somehow make the world a better place.”

 

Daring to peek towards the other, Kazunari smirked. “I didn’t know you like all my parts.”

 

“I… That’s not what I…” Shintaro pursed his lips tightly together and averted his gaze.

 

_Cute_ , thought Kazunari. He wanted to lean in and kiss Shintaro’s pout but stopped mid-way. The words left a warm, fuzzy feeling inside him, however, and he felt heat crawl on his skin. He did inch closer to Shintaro, all the way for their bodies to be pressed against each other and for him to loom over the other man. When Shintaro glanced back at him, Kazunari offered him a cheeky smile. Shintaro rolled his eyes, but there was a hint of a smile on the corners of his lips.

 

Kazunari rolled the sleeve of Shintaro’s shirt up and ran his fingertips over the smooth skin, drew vague shapes and asked, “Are you nervous because you don’t know how it’s done between two men?”

 

“Partially,” Shintaro said. He hesitated. “But mostly because… hm…”

 

“What?”

 

“The last time I did it… was when Haru was conceived, and it happened in a hurry.” He pushed himself to sit up and removed his glasses, rubbed the spot between his eyes. “And during the pregnancy she lost her desires, and I was busy with work, and we never got to… make love again. So I promised myself that… whoever my next partner would be, I’d take my time and do it slowly, make a memory that would last.”

 

Kazunari lulled on the mattress but eventually worked his body up as well, wrapped his hands around Shintaro and hugged him. Although it startled the man, he didn’t pull away, and Kazunari pressed his chin against Shintaro’s shoulder, snickered.

 

“You’re actually quite a romantic, did you know that?”

 

“Shut up,” Shintaro murmured under his breath.

 

“It’s okay, though.” Kazunari finally leaned close enough and pressed the tip of his nose against Shintaro’s. The other man’s breath felt pleasantly warm against his face. He whispered, “I’ll just teach you how it’s done and then you can do it to me _very_ slowly…”

 

Shintaro huffed. Kazunari nuzzled his nose and gave the man the sweetest peck he could possibly muster out. Despite its shortness their lips made quite the wet noise, which excited Kazunari. He hummed and tilted his head, decided to go for it and kissed Shintaro properly. His insides throbbed. It was a burning hot, moist kiss, filled with the thoughts that had been spoken aloud; Kazunari thought that it might have been better than any other kiss he had ever gotten. He gave half a smile when Shintaro moved his hand to his cheek, stroked his trembling skin. Kazunari mimicked the actions and brought his fingers likewise to the other’s cheek but moved them hastily to the nape, pulled Shintaro closer. The bottom of his stomach nipped pleasantly.

 

He wrapped his hands around Shintaro and pulled him to lay down with him, kissed him better. Their lips collided, made noises that echoed throughout the bedroom, and Kazunari sighed from content. He ran his fingers through Shintaro’s hair, yanked them a bit and lifted his hips, locked the man’s body against his own with his legs. Shintaro complained none, instead trailed his lips lower to Kazunari’s neck and kissed and sucked it with such intensity. First Kazunari’s body froze, then he trembled and let out groans. He squeezed his eyes shut and pulled Shintaro closer to him, felt even the tiniest movements of the sexy lips on his skin. Secretly hoping that he would be given a hickey, he squirmed underneath and felt an ache in his hips.

 

“Ears are my sensitive spot,” he quietly guided.

 

Silently Shintaro found the right target and nipped Kazunari’s earlobe, took it between his lips and sucked. Involuntarily Kazunari moaned louder than he wanted and bit his bottom lip immediately; the boys waking up now would be a disaster. Heat pooled in his abdomen and made his cock twitch, and to relieve some of the tension he rubbed his crotch against Shintaro’s. The other man was still so busy trailing the tip of his tongue on the shape of the ear.

 

Kazunari’s mind wavered on the edge of whiteness. He tightened his grasp from the back of Shintaro’s shirt but let go and moved his hands underneath the fabric. With his very fingertips he stroked Shintaro’s spine, counted the vertebras that pushed on the surface of skin. His breaths turned heavy and his half of an erection strained, his stomach tensed and he clawed Shintaro’s back. Little by little he continued to stroke the smooth skin.

 

“I really like that,” Shintaro muttered to his ear.

 

“Yeah?” A smile rose to his lips. He kissed Shintaro’s hair. “What else do you like?”

 

Shintaro didn’t answer but instead, kissed him on the lips again. Kazunari chuckled against the man’s mouth and happily indulged to the kiss, continued to stroke Shintaro’s spine. Gently he bit Shintaro’s upper lip and made him groan, and slowly he yanked the other’s shirt away. He had to take a peek of the body he saw half-naked for the first time. It was such an eye candy for him and he could have looked at the gorgeous body forever, but Shintaro pulled him back to a kiss. Kazunari couldn’t help but think that Shintaro was a natural at this, especially when he hadn’t done this in so many years.

 

Steady string of huffs echoed in the room, colored by the sounds of the kisses. Kazunari shuddered as Shintaro moved his hands under his shirt and accidentally graced over his nipple. He huffed, begged the man to do it again and got his wish. His body tensed underneath Shintaro, and he pressed the back of his head hard against the mattress. Shintaro’s touches were adorable, hesitant and thoughtful – if they were to continue like that, Kazunari couldn’t tell how much longer he could take it. He swallowed down a loud moan.

 

“Wait, wait,” he panted. Hastily he got rid of his shirt and slumped back down on the bed, offered Shintaro a bright grin.

 

He devoured the man to a tongue-filled kiss, and as his body demanded it, he took everything to the next level and moved his hand in Shintaro’s pants. Shintaro’s body tensed and the kiss cut off, and he caught his breath. Kazunari frowned and looked up, licked the saliva away from his lips and let his fingers hesitate on the other’s pubic hair, not taking them further. With his other hand he rubbed Shintaro’s cheek.

 

“Too much?” he asked.

 

“Caught me off guard,” Shintaro corrected. He stroked Kazunari’s chest and puckered his lips.

 

“Can I continue?”

 

“Yes.”

 

Kazunari proceeded slower and eventually wrapped his fingers around Shintaro’s shaft. Feeling the growing hardness, he wanted to sigh from relief; Shintaro was getting a reaction, after all. He bit his bottom lip and stroked the cock, looked up and examined the subtle changes in Shintaro’s expressions. A little scrunch appeared between the man’s eyes, he squeezed his eyes shut and parted his lips, shuddered. Warmth spread to Kazunari’s chest knowing that it was all thanks to him, that Shintaro was really getting aroused despite doing it with another man for the first time. He mustered enough strength to push himself up and pecked Shintaro’s lips.

 

He assisted Shintaro out of his pants and squirmed free from his own clothes as well. They were naked and staring at each other, examining each other’s nooks and crannies. Kazunari loved to watch where Shintaro’s gaze wandered, and he dearly hoped he wasn’t disappointing the man with his figure. Happy laughter bubbled in his chest as he noticed the green eyes fixated on his groin and his erection that desperately wanted to curve towards his stomach.

 

“You can touch it if you want,” he said.

 

It clearly took Shintaro off guard as he startled, but he nodded anyway. Kazunari moistened his lips and took a sharp inhale when the beautiful fingers started from his navel and moved lower. His abdomen tightened, and the gentle fingertips moved through his wildly growing pubic hair to the hilt of his cock. He swallowed and let out a shivery breath.

 

“I don’t know how good I will be at this.” Shintaro looked flustered.

 

Kazunari pulled him closer and kissed him, sneaked his own hand back to Shintaro’s erection and muttered against his lips, “Just mimic my movements…”

 

He fixed his gaze on the ridge of Shintaro’s nose where the glasses had left their marks and stroked the other’s member. A hum escaped him as Shintaro – hesitantly, no doubt – moved his hand as well, matched the rhythm quite well. Kazunari shivered and felt pre-cum leaking from his dick but said nothing, kissed Shintaro instead to muffle his grunts. He stroked Shintaro faster, rubbed the tip with his thumb and felt the exact same movements being done to him. Pressing his forehead against Shintaro’s, he nearly let out the loudest moan when Shintaro finally seemed to get enough courage to test things out himself.

 

Deciding to test his luck, Kazunari slid both of his hands on Shintaro’s backside and squeezed the firmness of the buttocks. It startled Shintaro, whose hand froze.

 

“Mhm…”

 

“Not good?” Kazunari asked. He squeezed once more to get a wordless confirmation that this wasn’t Shintaro’s thing, and worked his hands on the other’s nape, smiled. “It’s okay, I’d be happy to bottom for you.”

 

The gentle blush on Shintaro’s face made him snicker. He stretched himself and grabbed the bottle of lubricant from the edge of the bed, saved it from rolling to the floor. He gave a kiss on Shintaro’s chin and nuzzled the spot, murmured a quiet ‘give me your hand’ and poured the liquid on the fingers that he wanted to embrace as quickly as possible. A sharp breath got stuck in his throat, and he moistened his lips, squirmed from excitement but tried to contain himself. He wrapped his arms around Shintaro’s neck and glanced towards the man’s erection.

 

He was about to guide Shintaro to the right place when the sticky fingers already met with his entrance’s puckered skin. They nudged the hole with care, slipped past the ring of muscle with ease and made Kazunari snort under his breath when their whole length was inside.

 

“I thought you hadn’t done this before.”

 

“I’m not stupid,” Shintaro said. “I guessed as much. Does it feel uncomfortable?”

 

“Nope.” The ‘p’ popped. Kazunari opened his legs wide enough to make his groin ache and trailed his hands on Shintaro’s sides, made the other shudder. He moistened his lips. “You can push them a bit deeper… A bit more, to the left… That’s way too much left, Shin-chan!”

 

Shintaro grunted and looked more serious than before. Kazunari swallowed down the urge to laugh and instead relaxed, let the fingers search for his good spot in all peace. His chest rose heavily, and with laziness he stroked his own cock. Out of the blue Shintaro pressed the perfect nub and made him moan and his erection twitch.

 

“Here?” Shintaro glanced up.

 

“Y-Yeah…  Nnh!”

 

His abdomen tightened even more, felt like it was about to burst. The fingers pressed and rubbed against his good spot, and Kazunari squirmed, squeezed his cock hard to prevent himself from coming. He breathed heavy and tightened himself around Shintaro’s fingers. Every last drop of the nervousness he had felt earlier dissolved when pleasure pooled in him. His mind was in a haze, and he itched for more. He got it partially as Shintaro kissed him deeply. His hole twitched, and his cock wept for more attention.

 

Desperately Kazunari clutched Shintaro’s hair and pulled him closer, breathed to his ear, “You can put yours in.”

 

Shintaro pulled his fingers back an inch. “Are you sure?”

 

“Very… _Very_ sure,” he chuckled. He really was in the desperate need of something bigger and thicker, and he was quite honestly willing to go to any lengths to get it.

 

A whimper escaped him when the fingers disappeared. His hole convulsed from anticipation, and he was barely able to stay still. He cupped Shintaro’s face to his palms and examined the green irises that seemed to shine so brightly. He wiggled himself to a better position and wrapped his legs around Shintaro, licked his lips when he felt the tip of the cock against his entrance. The room turned strangely silent. Kazunari stroked Shintaro’s cheeks with his thumb and nodded to the silent question that surely swirled in the other’s mind at the moment. He wanted it, and he wanted it _now_.

 

In the end, he got exactly that. Shintaro settled himself in him, and although it didn’t happen with ease, it was still comfortable when all of the length was buried inside. Kazunari let out a shivery breath and pulled Shintaro to an embrace, kissed his ear and bit his earlobe, begged him quietly to move. There was hesitation in Shintaro’s movements but he thrust nonetheless, making Kazunari grunt and cling to him even harder. Kazunari buried his face to Shintaro’s shoulder and smelled a very fine scent of sweat. _We should have showered_ , was his first thought, followed by a broken laughter.

 

Although Shintaro moved clumsily, it was enjoyable nonetheless. Kazunari sucked the damp skin and squeezed his eyes shut, thanked his luck. He couldn’t believe that he finally got to do this with Shintaro, that they were actually connected like this. The thought made his heart beat faster and his insides feel warmer. He moved his hips to the rhythm of the thrusts and hugged Shintaro tight, didn’t want to let go anymore. He dug his fingertips to the man’s naked back and bit his bottom lip to the point of tasting blood in his mouth. However, he was willing to do anything to keep his noises down and the boys behind the wall asleep, even if it meant a little pain.

 

Kazunari got lost in the pleasure but was pulled out of it when Shintaro lifted his chin and rubbed his lip, forced him to stop biting it. They weren’t moving anymore, the bed didn’t creak, and Kazunari opened his eyes to meet with Shintaro’s worried gaze.

 

“You don’t have to bite it so hard.”

 

“I can’t let the boys hear,” he said with a half a smile.

 

Further explanations rolled on his mouth but he managed to say none when Shintaro kissed him. Kazunari’s eyes widened but quickly he relaxed and dove straight into the saliva-heavy kiss. Shintaro began to thrust once more, and Kazunari held him tight, stayed in the easy rhythm. It was slow and made his skin dampen, and he wanted to feel Shintaro more and quite possibly stay locked together like this for a very long time.

 

“Does it feel good?” he panted.

 

Shintaro nodded in a way of an excited child, and Kazunari was sure he had never seen anything more adorable. He scooped Shintaro better in his arms and kissed the corner of his eye, grinned widely. Moans wanted to escape his mouth but he resulted again to biting his bottom lip, more loosely now. Having sex with Shintaro like this felt amazing, and although Shintaro wasn’t perhaps the most skilled partner he had had, it still felt pretty damn good, somewhat special. Kazunari stroked his cock and huffed, mumbled Shintaro’s name under his breath.

 

When heat started its invasion from his abdomen and spread throughout, everything seemed to go so fast for Kazunari. One moment he was being fucked so gently, Shintaro’s hands grasping him from his waist – the next moment he came to his own stomach, made a mess of his skin and twitched. He whimpered midst his orgasm, let out a silent cry and felt like the world stopped spinning around him. His mind turned blank and the pleasure pounded in his temples, made his head ache. Droplets of cum trickled down his shaft.

 

He laughed under his huffs. “S-Sorry, that was way too fast…”

 

“Kazunari…” whimpered Shintaro all of a sudden.

 

Kazunari startled and felt Shintaro’s cock twitch wildly inside him, and the other man came. Suddenly feeling very filled, he squirmed underneath the other and held him close, squeezed his eyes shut and rode on the tip of the blissful afterglow. Shintaro’s breath sounded ragged right next to his ear, and his body felt heavy as it collapsed on top of his. His hole convulsed and gaped wide open when Shintaro pulled out, and already Kazunari felt rather lonely. He soothed the loneliness by embracing Shintaro and stroking his back, kissing his forehead.

 

Their bodies dampened with sweat tangled together to twists and curls far from comfortable, but it was the only way Kazunari wanted to be at the moment. Shintaro reminded him of a child as he rested his head on his chest, and with care he stroked the green hair. With the tip of his nose he nuzzled the man’s forehead. His body twitched when Shintaro wrapped his arms around him and buried his face better to his naked chest. _What a child indeed_ , thought Kazunari and chuckled.

 

“How was it?” he quietly asked and stroked some of the hair behind Shintaro’s ear. “Your first time with a man… Anything like you imagined?”

 

“Better,” Shintaro mumbled.

 

“Then I’m happy.”

 

Shintaro caught Kazunari off guard by glancing up and kissing him abruptly. Kazunari didn’t get a chance to respond to it when the lips already moved to his chin, kissed it and trailed an inch to his jaw. He shuddered underneath the warmth of another body and chuckled when all his ticklish spots were suddenly being kissed. Although he wasn’t sure of it, he could have sworn that Shintaro was smiling against his skin in various place. _Ah…_ Kazunari figured that _this_ was probably what Shintaro had meant by taking the time to make it a good memory. He smiled gently and poked the man’s head.

 

“Shin-chan,” he called.

 

“Hm?”

 

When Shintaro looked up, Kazunari leaned down and moved his finger over Shintaro’s chest. Eventually he stopped and moistened his lips. _Perfect spot_. With no explanation whatsoever he parted his lips and sucked a nicely red hickey right underneath Shintaro’s collar bone. The man groaned, the noise vibrating deep within his chest. Kazunari pulled back and admired his masterpiece, licked the spot and sank his teeth to it to make sure it would stay there for days.

 

“What was that?” Shintaro asked.

 

Kazunari nudged the hickey and said, “Proof that you were mine for at least one night.”

 

Just as hastily he was attacked and a hickey made to his neck. He laughed and squirmed underneath Shintaro, tried to free himself but didn’t succeed in it until the other was done. His neck stung pleasantly, and the spot felt cold under the gracious amount of saliva. Shintaro offered him an actual smile.

 

“A proof,” he stated.

 

Kazunari couldn’t hold back his smile. He had really fallen for the most adorable man ever, and it was even cuter that Shintaro was completely oblivious about these little traits of his.

 

“You know,” Kazunari began and rubbed Shintaro’s cheek, “I think I really, really like you, in a very complicated ‘maybe you’ll someday become the second daddy to my child’ kind of way.”

 

Shintaro huffed and buried his face back to Kazunari’s chest. “I know what you mean.”

 

Even if he tried, Kazunari couldn’t have felt happier. His heart went crazy, and pleasurable shivers ran down his spine and right underneath his skin but he found no reason to calm himself down. Gently he worked his fingers back to the man’s hair and stroked it with care, let out a content hum. Not hesitating one bit, he lifted Shintaro’s chin, and their gazes met. He kissed Shintaro and made sure it was the softest, gentlest kiss he had ever given to anyone – at the moment Shintaro really deserved such.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Firstly, thank you everyone for your lovely comments, they really make me so very happy! ( ´ ▽ ` )ﾉ
> 
> **IMPORTANT!!** : I am moving abroad in the beginning of next month, and because of the hassle it'll cause I want to be able to publish this fic in its entirety before I go. Therefore, from now on until this fanfic is finished, there will be updates on MONDAYS (as usual) and THURSDAYS. Sorry for the inconvenience this might cause you!


	11. Chapter 11

“Daddy. Daddy! Daddy!”

 

Kazunari groaned and hated the fact that he was already awake. The fierce shouts for a daddy continued, and even half-asleep he knew it was Haru. Apparently the boy was jumping on the bed, judging from the way the bed creaked and the mattress bounced. Kazunari wasn’t ready for a new morning, not yet, maybe in few hours… He spooned Shintaro tighter and sighed contently when his naked body pressed against another, much warmer one.

 

“Daddy!” Haru nearly screamed by now and clearly started to shove his father awake. “Daddy, wake up!”

 

Sucking a sharp breath, Kazunari kept his arms around Shintaro who finally shifted awake. Shintaro mumbled something that even Kazunari couldn’t hear and became rather limp again. Kazunari moistened his lips, hated the god-awful taste in his mouth and slowly cracked his eyes open. The morning light blinded him, but he managed to make out the figure of Haru by the bedside in front of Shintaro.

 

He pulled the blanket better over their naked figures, not wanting the boy to have images that would traumatize him for the years to come, and lifted his head. He wiped drool away from Shintaro’s shoulder and examined the other’s bed hair. The nape in front of him looked delicious, he wanted to kiss it and leave a hickey there… If it had been just the two of them, he would have taken his time to wake Shintaro up in a completely other way. Shintaro made little movements of waking up, groaning, but pressed his back better to Kazunari’s chest. Kazunari rubbed his eyes and fixed his gaze on Haru who looked in distress, yawned sweetly.

 

“Haru-chan,” he gently whispered and masked another yawn behind his palm. “What is it? Is everything alright…?”

 

“We’re going to be late from kindergarten!” Haru shrieked.

 

The mere thought of _kindergarten_ made Kazunari sit up. His pulse pounded on his temples, and with cold shivers running inside him he glanced at the bedside clock. Immediately his heart skipped beats. Seven thirty. _Thirty minutes too late_.

 

“Shit,” he whispered and shook Shintaro who looked positively dead again. “Shin-chan, we’re late. Wake up, we’re late already!”

 

Shintaro breathed sharply through his nose and sat up as well, looked like he was out of this world. If they had the time, Kazunari would have made jokes about it and then tackle the man back to the bed so they could be zombie-like together. It took few moments for Shintaro to seemingly wake up properly, but when it happened, he put on his glasses and jumped out of the bed. Although Kazunari did the same and pulled his underwear on, from the corner of his eye he kept looking at the gorgeous, naked body. A smile crept to his lips.

 

“Okay, uh…” Shintaro looked just as distressed as his son did. He pulled a shirt and briefs on and worked his fingers through his bed hair, strolled around the room with nervous steps. Eventually he stopped in front of Haru and crouched down. “Was Fumi awake already?”

 

Haru shook his head.

 

“Could you go and wake him up? Then we’ll eat breakfast and put some clothes on and… And then we should be just in time.” Shintaro’s voice trembled but he mustered out a smile for Haru. He kissed his son’s forehead and watched him dash out of the room, picked himself up and looked at Kazunari as if he only now remembered that he was there.

 

“Relax,” Kazunari said. “In the worst case scenario we’ll just be late for few minutes, we can always call them and tell that we won’t be on time.”

 

“I- I guess you’re right.”

 

He really wanted to take the steps separating them and hug Shintaro who was being way too adorable with his sudden nervousness about being late. However, he thought that such a thing wouldn’t probably calm down Shintaro’s nerves, so Kazunari put on his wrinkled clothes that had spent the night on the floor and offered the man a smile.

 

“I’ll go get Fumi some clothes at home, and you just concentrate on making the breakfast. Is it alright if we eat here?” he asked.

 

“Yes… Yes, that’s alright.”

 

“Don’t worry so much, Shin-chan, even the perfect daddies are sometimes late.”

 

Seeing Shintaro fluster and more than ready to blow a fuse, Kazunari laughed it off as a joke, apologized but winked nonetheless. He really wanted to shower Shintaro under kisses but decided to do his own part in the morning rush.

 

When he came back a couple of minutes later, he found all three of them in the kitchen. Shintaro looked more relaxed than before by the stove, although there was still some tension in his shoulders; Haru had gone through a change of clothes, probably by himself judging from his shirt that was inside out; and Fumi sat on the chair next to Haru, nodding off and nearly falling on the floor. Kazunari hummed and smiled, picked up his drooling little boy in his arms and stroked his hair, wiped the wet corners of his mouth.

 

“Dada…” groaned Fumi.

 

“Sorry for having to wake up all of a sudden,” Kazunari murmured and kissed Fumi’s soft cheek. The boy looked half-dead in his arms, his eyes drooping.

 

“Pancakes,” Fumi demanded in a silent voice.

 

“We’ll make pancakes tomorrow morning, okay? Now we’re going to eat… look, Shin-chan’s making us some yummy porridge.”

 

“Yuck.”

 

“Yummy,” Kazunari corrected.

 

“Yuck.”

 

He let out a soft sigh and held Fumi tighter. “What am I going to do with you…”

 

It didn’t take longer than few minutes for Fumi to get nervous in his arms. Kazunari strolled around the kitchen and bounced the boy who was almost without an exception always a little cranky in the mornings. Too quickly Fumi started to scream like he was being eaten alive, and Haru pressed his palms tightly against his ears and cringed. Kazunari tried to hush Fumi down, humor him and tickle his stomach, but Fumi struggled and nearly tangled upside down in his embrace.

 

“Fumi-chan…” Kazunari groaned. Deep within his head a familiar ache started to settle.

 

“No!” Fumi screamed. Plump crocodile tears glistened in his eyes. “No, no, no!”

 

“Mind if I try?” Shintaro asked all of a sudden.

 

Kazunari startled. He frowned and hesitated, but said, “Sure… He’s all yours.”

 

They switched places, Kazunari mixing the porridge and Shintaro taking the boy in his embrace for the first time. The crying stopped immediately when Fumi looked at the man with big, confused eyes. Although his bottom lip trembled, he let out a giggle.

 

“Shin-chan, Shin-chan!” he chanted. “Chair, chair, Fumi want chair!”

 

Shintaro held the boy against his chest and looked unsure, glanced at Kazunari. “Should I let him sit on the chair?”

 

Kazunari grinned. “Go ahead, if it makes him happy.”

 

It _did_ make Fumi happy, and much livelier as well. Kazunari let Shintaro take over the porridge-making and looked at his son. It had probably worked because of the surprise Fumi had gotten, but Shintaro had been a bit of a natural with someone else’s kid as well. Kazunari couldn’t hold back his gentle smile and circled around the table, ruffled both of the boys’ hair. Fumi laughed, but Haru held a more serious expression on his face.

 

“Do you want some juice?” he asked.

 

“Juice!” Fumi cried out.

 

“What about you, Haru-chan?”

 

Haru gave a tiny nod.

 

Kazunari ruffled the green hair once more and gave both of them a little glass of juice. Only afterwards did he realize that he had simply rummaged through the fridge and cupboard like this was his home, but Shintaro didn’t say a single word about it. Making sure that the boys were occupied with their glasses and each other, Kazunari sneaked near Shintaro and hugged him from behind, made the man startle. To his surprise, Shintaro relaxed in his embrace very soon.

 

Warmth all over his body, Kazunari kissed Shintaro’s neck and rested his chin on his shoulder, watched the porridge being mixed. He sneaked his hands underneath the shirt and touched the warm-skinned abdomen, let his hands crawl to the chest and held Shintaro tighter. Although Shintaro hummed, he didn’t protest, and Kazunari thought that this position was probably okay. He pressed his own body better against the other’s and smiled.

 

In Shintaro’s ear he whispered, “I didn’t get to say good morning to you yet…”

 

Shintaro glanced at him over his shoulder. “Where are you touching me with the boys watching?”

 

“Nowhere at all, nowhere.” Kazunari pulled his hands lower and wrapped them around Shintaro’s waist, pressed his chin back to his shoulder. He let out a happy sigh and closed his eyes. If it was possible, he would have loved to stay just like this for the entire morning. He puckered his lips and leaned towards Shintaro’s cheek. “Can I at least get a morning kiss?”

 

He took it as a sign of agreement when Shintaro’s lips twitched. With butterflies racing in his stomach Kazunari stretched himself to give a quick peck on the corner of Shintaro’s mouth and felt that with that he could easily go through the day. He whistled an upbeat tune and readied two bowls for the boys along with two spoons, one big and one tiny. That being done, he wrapped his arms back around Shintaro and snuggled him, entangled his body to his.

 

“Thank you for last night,” he murmured softly and kissed the root of Shintaro’s ear. “I hope you enjoyed it just as much as I did.”

 

Shintaro struggled himself free from the embrace and pinched Kazunari’s nose. “Of course I did, idiot.”

 

Kazunari yelped and groaned, rubbed his nose and pouted, but couldn’t possibly stay mad after such a statement. He smiled like an idiot and watched from the side as Shintaro served the plates in front of the kids, told both of them to hurry. Watching the three of them like that, Kazunari had to admit that although he had never been the one to favor large families – or kids to begin with –, he was starting to create an ideal family, and this was really nearing it.

 

When Shintaro turned around, Kazunari’s expression lightened and he opened his arms, ready to be turned around. It was a real surprise when he got the man in his embrace, but it made his skin tingle from excitement nonetheless. He supposed he had done a _really_ good job last night if Shintaro was in this good of a mood right off the bat.

 

“I think someone liked last night,” he quietly teased.

 

Shintaro freed himself immediately and mumbled from the corner of his lips, “Shut up.”

 

“Daddy,” Haru said with his mouth full of porridge, “it’s rude to whisper when you are in company.”

 

“That’s right, dear.” Shintaro gave Kazunari one more look and took a seat next to Haru, stroked his hair. “It’s indeed polite not to whisper in company.”

 

Haru couldn’t have looked more delighted. He looked at Kazunari and gave him a weird smirk, which startled the man who had never seen such an expression on the boy’s face. Somehow, it made his stomach uneasy. A frown wrinkled his forehead, and he rubbed his nape. He couldn’t believe he had practically just gotten scolded by a four year old!

 

“Dada!” Fumi threw his spoon across the table. “No por-por!”

 

Kazunari circled the table and scooped the boy in his lap, cleaned his messy mouth. “What’s that, Fumi-chan, don’t you want any of the yummy porridge?”

 

“Yuck!”

 

“How about one more spoonful? Just one teeny tiny…” He stretched his hand over the table and barely managed to capture the spoon. Just as promised, he scooped just a bit of the porridge to it and tried to offer it to Fumi. The boy refused, but Kazunari persisted. “C’mon, Fumi-chan, just one spoonful! We’ll make pancakes in the afternoon, open your mouth wide open…  Look, look, here comes the train, are you ready? Chu chu…”

 

Kazunari opened his mouth to the same rhythm as Fumi and managed to get the boy eat the spoonful. As Fumi smacked it, across the table Shintaro actually snickered. Kazunari glanced up, and seeing the other man’s amused expression – that made his heart skip a beat nonetheless –, he grinned enough for the bridge of his nose to wrinkle.

 

“Don’t tell me you never used planes or trains to get a kid to eat,” he said.

 

“Not even once,” Shintaro said and sounded oddly proud of it. He glanced at the clock ticking on the wall and got himself up; Haru mimicked the movement immediately. “We have to get going, we will really be late otherwise.”

 

“Look who suddenly sounds so calm about getting late,” Kazunari’s voice sang and made Shintaro’s ear redden.

 

He didn’t get any kind of an answer and instead had to witness how Shintaro worked his way out of the kitchen with Haru. Worried that they would be left behind just like that – although he doubted it –, Kazunari wiped the last signs of porridge out of Fumi’s face and got the boy dressed and fully ready. He trailed after the man’s steps to the hallway. The sense of hurry came back all at once, and Kazunari plopped down on the floor with Fumi to start the oldest game in the book, getting the shoes to the tiny feet.

 

Under the watchful eyes of both the son and father, Kazunari did his very best and actually managed to get the bright red slippers cover the tiny toes. He sighed from relief and kissed Fumi’s forehead, lifted him up in his arms and stretched himself. He shared a look with Shintaro who still, after everything, seemed to be in a surprisingly good mood. There was no helping his thoughts, and Kazunari wondered whether these kind of mornings would be usual if the four of them lived under the same roof.

 

The front door was opened, the party ready to leave. Kazunari stumbled a step forward with Fumi in his arms.

 

“Shintaro,” he called.

 

Shintaro pulled the door shut. “It’s odd for you to call me properly by my name nowadays.”

 

Laughter curled on Kazunari’s lips. “I can be serious, too, if I’m really in the mood.”

 

He didn’t wait for a reply of any kind as he stepped closer, took Fumi tighter to his arms and leaned towards Shintaro, kissed him straight on the lips. It made his body tingle and itch for more, but he restricted himself in front of the kids. He pulled back with a smile and took a deep breath, prepared himself for some scolding but got none. Shintaro actually looked like he wanted more with his slightly parted lips and almost dreamy-looking eyes. In his arms Fumi struggled, but Haru looked shocked, and for a fleeting moment Kazunari regretted it.

 

“What was that for?” Shintaro asked.

 

“Your ‘have a good day at work’ kiss.” He stroked some of his hair behind his ear and did the same to Fumi’s messy mane. Pressing his cheek against his son’s, Kazunari peeked towards Shintaro. “It’s not like I could have given it to you outside the kindergarten or anything… I hope you didn’t mind! I won’t do it again if it’s a problem, don’t worry.”

 

“It’s not a problem,” came the answer really quickly. When Shintaro realized it, he stumbled over his words, “I-I mean… I, ah…”

 

The rest of the sentence tangled in the air lightly. With his heart fluttering Kazunari stepped ahead of the man and opened the door, glanced over his shoulder, said, “Let’s hurry, okay? We can still make it.”

 

“Yes.” Shintaro took a hold of Haru’s hand and squeezed it, but clutched the back of Kazunari’s shirt and made the man stop. “Do you two want to come over after work?”

 

“We’d love to.”

 

There was a smile on Shintaro’s lips, a rather gentle one, and Kazunari couldn’t have thought for a better way to start a new day filled with unexpected love.

 

* * *

 

Kazunari’s steps were light as he skipped his way towards the daycare. He whistled a happy tune and got glares from the grannies in the neighborhood but couldn’t feel bothered at all. The day had turned out to be such a sunny one, and as the warmth tickled his nape, he grinned like an idiot. He had thought about Shintaro and nothing but Shintaro the whole day, and had loved every second of it. His lips still tingled from the memory of the kisses exchanged, and deep within his body was an itch that he wanted Shintaro to scratch. This was definitely how it was supposed to feel when one was in love. _Definitely_. He felt like letting the whole world listen his singing, but after getting more glares from old ladies by the convenience store, he whistled a bit quieter.

 

He knew he was a bit early, but at least he would have the time to make the promised pancakes for Fumi before their beloved neighbors would be home. Abruptly his whistles died down as he spotted a tall, green-haired figure by the daycare’s gate; his expression brightened. He really couldn’t believe his luck.

 

“Oi, Shin-chan!” he shouted across the street and made the man startle. He waved his hand to him and – after checking he wouldn’t get hit by a car – ran on the other side. Stopping by Shintaro’s side, his heart gave delighted thumps in his chest. He tiptoed slightly. “Good work today! You’re getting home really early, huh?”

 

“The center closed early today,” Shintaro said. “But you’re early as well, aren’t you?”

 

Kazunari laughed. “Just a bit. But it’s good you’re here, now I can treat you and Haru some pancakes after we get home!”

 

Although Shintaro didn’t say a direct ‘yes’ or ‘no’ to the offer, his face lit up by half a smile, and Kazunari took it as a sign of a definite agreement. Butterflies started to have a fierce race in his stomach. Side by side he walked with Shintaro inside the building that was a lot calmer than the usual rush hour. Quietly he hummed the song that had been stuck in his head the whole day and peeked to the play room. No kids. He frowned but spotted a teacher trying to clean up a mess of toys and building blocks.

 

“Ah, hello! We’re a bit early today, sorry for that—“

 

“Thank goodness you’re here!” she exclaimed and threw the final teddy bear to the toy box. “We were about to call the both of you.”

 

Shintaro frowned. “Has something happened?”

 

She eyed both Shintaro and Kazunari and looked rather troubled, led the men out of the room and into the corridor. “There was some disagreement with Haru and Fumi just a while ago… They got into a fight.”

 

“You serious?” Kazunari asked, his mouth dropped open. He glanced at Shintaro’s baffled look and then back at the teacher. “But… they get along with each other. What exactly happened?”

 

“Haru shoved Fumi on the floor, and then Fumi pushed Haru. They started to hit each other but we got between them and separated them.”

 

Kazunari bit his bottom lip and felt his good mood crumble on his feet. He couldn’t believe it from those two who had so far played nicely together without any problem. He fidgeted and looked at Shintaro, frowned when he saw the other’s jaw tighten. A shivery sigh escaped from him, and his heart skipped a beat when he heard muffled cries. They turned around the corner, and there the troublemakers were, sitting on teachers’ laps, both crying and rubbing their eyes. There were bruises on both boys, rather small and ones that would fade quickly.

 

“Fumi-chan…” he murmured and crouched on the floor on his knees, spread his arms when Fumi noticed him. The boy let out a loud cry and struggled himself free from the teacher’s embrace, stumbled towards his father and jumped to his lap.

 

Kazunari’s shirt got covered in tears and snot. He stroked Fumi’s hair and kissed his cheek, held him against his chest and ran his fingers over a tiny bump on the forehead. Fumi’s cry broke his heart; he had learnt to set apart the _I’m just crying because I didn’t get my way_ -cry and _I’m really in distress and/or scared_ -cry, and he knew by heart that this was the latter. With ease he took Fumi in his arms and rocked him gently under the watchful eyes of the teachers.

 

He took a peek towards Shintaro who had also crouched on the floor and had placed his hands on Haru’s shoulders. Furiously the boy rubbed his eyes and mumbled something that Kazunari couldn’t quite catch. Shintaro looked painstakingly beautiful with his serious expression, and he nodded to Haru’s words, said some himself. The frown on his face made him look older than he was. In the end he pulled Haru to a hug, and the boy trembled in his father’s embrace, cried louder. Shintaro pulled back and kissed the boy’s cheek, stroked his hair and wiped away the tears.

 

Haru dashed off, to get his belongings Kazunari guessed, and Shintaro heaved out a sigh. He pushed himself up and removed his glasses, and rubbed his eyes. Kazunari swallowed and got up on his feet, tightened his grasp from the quietly sobbing son of his. Was Shintaro _crying_? He took careful steps forward and gently squeezed Shintaro’s shoulder. They looked at each other. Indeed, there was some redness circling the green eyes, and Kazunari looked at the man with a frown. There were many things he wanted to say, but he started from the most important one.

 

“Are you alright?”

 

“Yeah.” Shintaro pushed the glasses back on the bridge of his nose and sighed again. He rubbed his temples. “I’m fine.”

 

“Did Haru tell you what happened?”

 

“He said that they were both drawing when Fumi snatched some pencil from his hand and didn’t give it back, and it made him mad.”

 

“Fumi-chan!” Kazunari scolded. “Hasn’t daddy taught you anything about sharing?”

 

Fumi looked up and pouted.

 

Kazunari sighed. Reasoning with Fumi was probably futile at the moment. “I’m really sorry, Shin-chan.”

 

“You don’t have to apologize.” Shintaro looked down at his feet and brushed his knuckles against Kazunari’s but didn’t take a hold of his hand. “Haru has never been like this before… I always taught him that violence isn’t a solution, and now this happened.”

 

“Maybe it’s just a phase,” Kazunari suggested quietly.

 

“Maybe.” Shintaro mustered out a smile on his lips when Haru ran back and ruffled his son’s hair, held his hand. “Let’s go home, alright? Uncle Kazunari is making pancakes and promised that we can eat them, too.”

 

“…want to,” Haru mumbled from the corner of his lips and cast his eyes down.

 

“I didn’t hear, sweetheart.”

 

“I don’t want to,” Haru repeated a bit louder this time.

 

The little words felt like daggers piercing Kazunari’s heart. During his life he had been rejected by men both cruel and gentle, but this was completely at its own league. He swallowed a lump that had boldly settled to his throat and forced a smile on his lips, although the corners of his lips twitched downwards. Fumi struggled in his arms but settled down after he tightened his grasp from him.

 

“It’s okay,” he finally said when he was sure his voice wouldn’t shake from the shock. “We’ll just eat pancakes some other time!”

 

“Haru,” Shintaro hurried to say. “Are you sure? Kazunari makes really good pancakes, remember?”

 

“I don’t want to,” was the answer again.

 

Kazunari laughed and tapped Shintaro’s shoulder. “Hey, Shin-chan, it’s really okay. Haru-chan doesn’t want pancakes, it’s not like I’m going to shove them down his throat now. We’ll just do it some other time.”

 

Although Shintaro looked troubled, in the end he said nothing, just nodded. Kazunari kept the carefully selected smile on his lips and thanked the teachers, marched out of the building with the other father and son right at his heels. He felt Shintaro’s gaze burn on the back of his head, and had a hunch that the man wanted to say something but he gave him no chance as he picked up his pace. Fumi complained near his ear but Kazunari didn’t slow down, just wanted to get home as soon as possible.

 

He didn’t know why it troubled him so much that Haru had said that; it was most likely the boy just being cranky after the fight, not wanting to be in the same space with Fumi. Kazunari knew that yet still felt sad, felt rejected and wanted to pout, childishly so. Perhaps it was because the direct offspring of the man he had come to love rejected him. _Yeah, that’s it,_ he confirmed to himself. His eyes itched, and he took quick breaths, tried to match them to the pace of his body. He failed and felt his chest tighten. The steps of Shintaro echoed right behind him, and they brought sudden distress to him.

 

He remembered nothing of the way back home, and his thoughts only became less jumbled when he finally stood behind his front door. In silence Kazunari stared at it, as if not exactly sure what to do with it, and only when Fumi started his usual struggle did he start to fish the keys from his pocket. His fingertips slipped away from the little metal hoop several times, and he became frustrated. He wanted nothing more but get home, now, fast, make those damn pancakes and eat them with good appetite with his son.

 

“Kazunari,” Shintaro said with surprising gentleness.

 

Kazunari froze. He looked towards Shintaro and tried not to show the bad look on his face. It was clear that the man wanted to say something but didn’t quite get the chance when Haru began to yank his sleeve furiously.

 

“Daddy, I want home.”

 

“Ah, sorry.” Flustered all of a sudden, Shintaro opened the door to their place. “Go ahead, I’ll come with you right away, I’m just going to talk to uncle Kazunari for a bit…”

 

Haru threw a harsh glare towards Kazunari before he strutted inside. The glare, although now gone, made Kazunari both nervous and uneasy, and he faced the door again, stared at it. He frowned and couldn’t think of a single sane reason why Haru would all of a sudden hate him like this. Without a word he continued his search of the keys in silence.

 

“I’m sorry,” Shintaro said and stepped closer.

 

“It’s okay, really,” Kazunari insisted. Finally he grabbed the keys and shoved them ruthlessly to the lock. He didn’t dare to look at Shintaro anymore. “Haru-chan’s probably tired and feeling sad about the fight, don’t worry about it. Tomorrow it’ll be like it never happened for sure.”

 

“It bothers you, doesn’t it?”

 

Kazunari startled. Had he been so obvious? He moistened his lips and forced himself to look at Shintaro. A sad smile rose to his lips. “Yeah, it does.”

 

With ease Shintaro took the steps by Kazunari’s side and without any warning kissed the other. Kazunari hummed and squeezed his eyes shut, trembled when Shintaro stroked his cheek in the midst of the warmth. The kiss ended with a moist sound, and he wanted to beg for more but couldn’t say the words. He smiled more genuinely, though. Looking into Shintaro’s eyes, everything didn’t feel so bad after all.

 

“Kiss Fumi!” screamed Fumi all of a sudden. “Kiss, kiss, kiss Fumi!”

 

Shintaro chuckled and mumbled a gentle ‘alright’, leaned closer and kissed the boy’s forehead. Fumi rejoiced, and Kazunari’s heart skipped lovely beats. Shintaro was being truly wonderful, and he couldn’t have thought of a better person to give a smooch to his son.

 

“It’s better this way,” Kazunari finally admitted. “The boys would have probably argued some more anyway… It’s good to give them some time to calm down.”

 

“I think so, too.” Shintaro rubbed his nape and fixed his gaze on the door to the Takao household. “It’s too bad we can’t spend the evening together.”

 

Kazunari’s heart jumped to his throat, and his lips curled widely up. “Don’t say that or I’ll force my way to your place after all.”

 

“We’ll see tomorrow, right?”

 

“Right.”

 

“Alright.” Shintaro lingered on his spot, and somewhat hesitantly brushed his knuckles over Kazunari’s. When he obviously realized what he had just done, he stumbled a step back, and redness took over his face. He cleared his throat. “Well… See you tomorrow.”

 

“See you.”

 

Carefully he watched Shintaro’s steps and the neighboring door to shut, and let out a content sigh. If there had been even an ounce of bravery in his body at the moment, he would have left Shintaro with a sentence of _I like you_ or _I really care about you_. Kazunari whispered them aloud to the empty staircase and smiled afterwards. Worry still snarled in the back of his mind, but his shoulders did feel a bit lighter.

 

Hoping that things would turn out even better and full of love between him and Shintaro, Kazunari tiptoed home and snuggled Fumi against his chest.


	12. Chapter 12

Kazunari shivered on a bench located right outside the health center. He pulled the scarf better around his neck and tightened his grasp from the plastic bag on his lap. If there was one thing he hated, it was the ever-changing weather of autumn. However, it started to look like winter was just around the corner, which meant it was soon his birthday, which on the other hand meant that he was once again a step closer of being thirty. The thought made him shudder. _I’m getting ancient_ , he thought and closed his eyes, tried to exorcise the coldness away.

 

There were risks of sitting in this spot for sure. He hadn’t even told Shintaro that he was here to pick him up – maybe Shintaro didn’t want to see him right after work. The thought bothered him but he brushed it off immediately. Shintaro had been extremely nice and just as gentle in the last few days, surely he would be delighted to see him! Another set of cold shivers pierced his spine, and he let out a groan. What if he had come too early or, even worse, too late? He watched the grannies come in and out of the sliding doors and kept hoping that the next person walking out would be Shintaro. Too often he got disappointed.

 

When Shintaro eventually strolled out of the building, Kazunari jumped up on his feet and waved his hand at the man, shouted his name. From afar he couldn’t judge how Shintaro felt about his sudden appearance, but when he got closer, Shintaro’s expression surely looked brighter than usually. Kazunari halted by the other’s side and took lazy steps by his side, caught with his breath.

 

“Good work today!” he chimed.

 

“Thank you,” Shintaro said, looking a bit baffled. “What are you doing here?”

 

“I thought we’d go pick the boys up together.” Kazunari smirked and lifted the plastic bag. “I got sushi enough for four from the store, my treat.”

 

“Consider your treat accepted, then.”

 

_Success_. Kazunari had to take steps a bit longer than usually to keep up with Shintaro’s pace but didn’t mind at all, skipped by the man’s side and felt like an overly excited child. His gaze frequently met with Shintaro’s as they walked, and every time it happened he made sure to give the man a wide grin.

 

“How was your day?” he asked.

 

“Uneventful.”

 

“Hah, mine too.” They turned around the corner and to the street that led to the kindergarten. Kazunari hesitated but said anyway, “Sorry I came to pick you up out of the blue, I probably should have called beforehand or something.”

 

“I’m happy you came.”

 

Kazunari took a sharp breath. He thought he had gotten used to Shintaro’s occasional straightforwardness, but it seemed it wasn’t the case. The bottom of his abdomen nipped and made him shudder, and he stared at Shintaro, amazed that he had said such a thing about his feelings so openly in the broad daylight. Shintaro seemed to realize the case, too, as he suddenly startled and averted his gaze.

 

“I-I didn’t mean… I mean…” he tried to muster out.

 

Kazunari pulled a pout on his lips. “So you weren’t happy that I came?”

 

“That’s not the case,” Shintaro hurried to say, sounding almost desperate. Caught up in Kazunari’s pace, he let out a groan and shook his head. “Do you love to tease people like this?”

 

“Yeah, I do.” Kazunari nudged Shintaro’s shoulder and said with a gentler tone, “I’m happy you’re happy that I came. Those are my serious words.”

 

“Are they now?”

 

“Yup.” He made the ‘p’ pop and smirked. “Because, you know, I’m kind of thinking about you all day and not getting anything useful done.”

 

Shintaro hesitated. “Really?”

 

“Really, really.”

 

“I… The same counts for me, too.”

 

Kazunari chuckled. “You’re such a romantic, Shin-chan!”

 

“What are you saying? You were the one who said it first!”

 

“Yes, yes, but you sounded totally adorable.”

 

Before Shintaro was able to say a single protest, Kazunari skipped few steps in front of the man and picked up his pace. Laughter vibrated in his chest. It was one of those days when he felt incredibly childish, in a way that none of his partners could have quite handle it. For his utmost surprise, however, Shintaro followed him right behind him, looking like he was going to smile any second now. Kazunari’s heart jumped to his throat as he stared at the man with his mouth dropped open. When Shintaro managed to settle himself beside him again, he frowned.

 

“What’s wrong?”

 

“Nothing,” Kazunari breathed. He clutched the plastic bag and spared a glance to the cloudy sky. “I just thought you’re pretty amazing.”

 

“You…”

 

Kazunari didn’t press the matter further although Shintaro looked eager to find out more. Instead, he offered the man his most impish grin and continued to walk.

 

The kindergarten’s rush hour – as Kazunari liked to call it – was as busy as ever, but with surprising ease they were both able to locate their boys. Fumi smiled brightly and shoved his new little car to Kazunari’s cheek as he was picked up, whilst Haru looked as cranky as he had been for the past few days. Shintaro looked troubled as he held his son’s hand, and with a steady pace the four of them made their way out of the building. The air hung heavy around them, though, and Kazunari felt uneasy, especially when Haru shot him a glare after a glare. The sushi didn’t feel like such a good idea all of a sudden.

 

“Daddy,” Haru mumbled and yanked his father’s sleeve. “I want to eat fish.”

 

“Well, you see…” Shintaro hesitated and glanced up at Kazunari. He looked like he made up his mind and said, “Uncle Kazunari bought sushi for the four of us, so I think we should go to their place to eat today.”

 

Haru frowned and looked down at his feet. Shintaro’s lips curled downwards.

 

“Is it… no good?”

 

“You don’t have to come!” Kazunari hurried to say. “I can just give your share with you, you don’t have to come to our place to—“

 

“Kazunari,” Shintaro said and managed to shut the other man up. He looked at his son. “Haru, why don’t we go over their place for dinner tonight? You can eat while watching cartoons.”

 

Haru hesitated for a while but quietly asked, “Do you promise?”

 

“I promise. It’s alright, isn’t it, Kazunari?”

 

“Of course,” Kazunari said. “Fumi probably wants to watch them, too… They should start soon anyway.”

 

“So we’ll go to uncle Kazunari’s house,” Shintaro said. “Is that okay with you?”

 

Haru nodded a bit, his cheeks getting a tinge of red on them. He looked up at Kazunari with eyes that seemed to glisten from upcoming tears. Kazunari simply didn’t know what to say to such a sad face, and he only swallowed and averted his gaze, hugged Fumi tighter. At least there was still one boy that wasn’t unexplainably mad at him – not at the moment, that was –, but still with a weight on his shoulder he listened Fumi giggle right by his ear.

 

The rest of the journey went in an uncomfortable silence. Kazunari fidgeted behind the door to their apartment, searched for the keys under the watchful eyes of Shintaro and Haru. It was a relief when he finally pushed the door open and let Fumi down on his own feet; he watched the boy dash straight to living room and let the other duo inside.

 

“Can you go and open the TV for the boys?” he asked from Shintaro.

 

Shintaro nodded and looked like he wanted to say something. Before the man got the chance to do so, however, Kazunari escaped to the wonderful loneliness of the kitchen. He heaved out a sigh and started to unwrap the plastic boxes of sushi. Goosebumps rose to his nape when he heard the sounds of the cartoon in the distance, and he shuddered. He stared down at the food and closed his eyes, told himself not to think about everything so much. He groaned and ruffled his hair. _It’s just a phase, you did nothing wrong!_

 

“Are you alright?”

 

Kazunari startled. He stared at Shintaro who leaned against the door frame and felt his heart leap in odd ways. A smile pushed through his lips, and he averted his gaze. The words _I’m totally alright_ were about to come out, but something stopped him from lying in the final moment. Kazunari sighed, and his shoulders slumped.

 

“I feel like a villain,” he admitted. “I think Haru hates me.”

 

“He doesn’t.” Shintaro stepped closer but kept a single step’s distance from them.

 

“Just tell me, have I done something wrong?” Kazunari gripped the edge of the counter. “Have I been mean to him or mistreated him? I’m seriously concerned.”

 

“You have done nothing wrong.” Shintaro closed the gap and grasped Kazunari’s arm, looked at the other with such serious eyes. “He has never been this moody as he is now, and I don’t know for sure what is going on but I _know_ he doesn’t hate you. I can’t imagine anyone hating you.”

 

Kazunari huffed but couldn’t help his smile. _What a lovable idiot_. He slid one of the plastic boxes towards Shintaro and said, “Here’s his portion, you better go and give it to him.”

 

From the corner of his eye he saw Shintaro nod. Sure of the fact that he would be enwrapped back to the silence of the kitchen, he was surprised when Shintaro came even closer and pressed his body against his. Kazunari frowned and glanced at the man, but couldn’t contain his urge and stroked some of the green hair behind Shintaro’s ear. It made him feel a bit better.

 

“I haven’t felt like this in a while,” Shintaro said.

 

“Huh?”

 

“You have me completely at your mercy.”

 

“If you’re trying to cheer me up by saying nasty things, I don’t think it’s quite working,” Kazunari laughed.

 

“They aren’t nasty things,” Shintaro insisted and grabbed Kazunari’s hand, looked as serious as ever. “What I’m trying to say here is… that… I’ve been caught up in your pace.”

 

Kazunari pouted. _How_ were these things said to him anything but nasty?!

 

“But by now I want to be caught up in it,” Shintaro proclaimed.

 

“I’m not exactly sure what you’re saying,” Kazunari admitted.

 

Shintaro sighed. “You cannot be this fickle.”

 

Protests already tickled Kazunari’s lips but they quieted down when Shintaro kissed him, just like that, out of the blue. He shuddered, _so this is what he meant_ , closed his eyes and smiled against the other man’s lips. If the previous words had been a love confession – albeit a very strange one –, he wished he could have rewind time and concentrate on them better. Shintaro kissed him gently and moistened his lips, and Kazunari felt like _he_ was caught up in _Shintaro_ ’s pace right now. He minded none, and pulled the man closer from his waist. The kiss lingered. He felt happy, frighteningly so.

 

Eventually he retreated a little back but kept his forehead pressed against Shintaro’s. Not even in his wildest dreams would he had thought that Shintaro would be so casual about things like this – he had had a stern, serious image of Shintaro that had come crushing down little by little.

 

“What is this thing between us?” Kazunari asked as his lips twitched higher. Shintaro’s oblivious expression looked adorable. “This has been going on for few days, you and me like this… So are we, you know…”

 

“What?”

 

“ _Dating_.”

 

Shintaro jolted. He pulled back and frowned, rubbed his forehead, and looked like he was going through some serious thinking in the matter of seconds. With patience Kazunari waited for the response, eagerly, his heart ready to burst from either happiness or disappointment. No matter what the answer was, he simply wanted one. He usually didn’t mind undeclared relationships where no one knew what was going on, but what he felt for Shintaro was his first honestly serious thing for years, and he was no longer a teenager. Somehow, he wanted certainty, no matter which direction it took.

 

“I… I suppose,” Shintaro finally said.

 

Kazunari tilted his head and let his fingers crawl over Shintaro’s arm. “Are you hesitant because you’d date another man?”

 

“No… I mean…” Shintaro placed his hand over Kazunari’s and squeezed the man’s fingers. “I never really thought about dating a man, but I think… gender doesn’t really matter, I suppose? I-I wouldn’t turn someone down because they’re man… is what I think right now.”

 

“As far as I’m concerned, I’d consider this dating,” Kazunari said. “But of course it’s not so simple with kids, right?”

 

“I do know that I wouldn’t want to see you be with someone else…”

 

Kazunari grinned and wrapped his hands back around Shintaro’s waist, pulled him closer. “That’s a good enough answer for me.”

 

It might have not been a perfect answer, but he could surely read between lines. He grinned like an idiot and nuzzled Shintaro’s nose, pursed his lips and closed his eyes. To be honest, he was prepared to wait for an extremely long time for Shintaro to get the hint, thus it surprised him that the man actually kissed him sooner than he had thought. The corners of Kazunari’s lips perked higher, and he chuckled, leaned closer and kissed Shintaro properly. For a moment he thought he saw a beautifully gentle smile on the pair of lips in front of him.

 

“Da-Daddy…”

 

Both of them startled. Haru stood in the door frame and leaned against the wall, had his cheek pressed against it and looked troubled. Kazunari’s insides turned immediately cold. _Shit._ He took a sharp breath and thought about wiggling away from Shintaro’s embrace to make the situation look less suspicious, but Shintaro let go of him first.

 

“Here’s your share, Haru.” Shintaro grabbed the plastic box and crouched in front of his son, ruffled his hair. “See? There are all things yummy that you like.”

  
“Thank you,” Haru murmured. It looked like he pouted, but his bottom lip trembled when he glanced up over his father and straight at Kazunari. The little green eyes looked at the man almost harshly, but suddenly Haru took off and ran back where he had come from.

 

Kazunari blinked, but let out a sigh and rubbed his neck. He really was hated just a bit, wasn’t he? _Don’t mind, don’t mind_. He ruffled his hair and smiled when Shintaro straightened himself and turned to look at him. Maybe it was okay to be hated a little, when it balanced by being loved a little as well. Kazunari grabbed the two remaining shares of food and strutted to the living room with Shintaro right by his side.

 

The boys sat side by side on the floor, and Kazunari thought the world was surely a bit more peaceful place. The cartoons filled the entire living room and roared louder than he wanted to, but he had no heart to turn down the volume. Instead, he slumped on the couch and got Shintaro beside him, close enough for their legs to touch each other. He hummed and handed over the man’s share, and with a loud pop opened his own box.

 

“Fumi-chan,” he called but the smaller boy was completely engrossed with the hopping bunnies onscreen. A soft sigh escaped Kazunari’s lips, and he poked Fumi’s head. “Come sit on daddy’s lap so we can eat.”

 

“No.”

 

Kazunari took a hold of the tiniest roll filled with cucumber – Fumi’s favorite for sure – and presented it to the boy who glanced over his shoulder. “Doesn’t this look yummy, Fumi-chan?”

 

“Yummy…” A bit of drool dripped from the corner of Fumi’s lips as he pushed himself up, stumbled but found his way to stand between Kazunari’s legs. Kazunari patted his lap, but Fumi firmly said, “No.”

 

“Okay, okay, you little rascal,” Kazunari laughed. “Open your mouth wide, then!”

 

He opened his mouth himself and managed to coax Fumi to do so as well. With ease the boy chomped down the roll and grinned widely, some rice stuck between his teeth that had grown recently. The boy opened his mouth wide open again, jumped up and down in anticipation, and with a laughter Kazunari fed another piece to Fumi. He felt like a mother bird feeding its little one, and the thought greatly amused him. From the corner of his eye he spotted Shintaro watching the procedure, and he gave the man a wicked smirk.

 

Fumi quickly got tired of it and ran around the living room’s table before settling back down next to Haru. Kazunari sighed and licked his fingers, tasted fish on them and hummed. He was too tired to bother with chopsticks and continued eating with his fingers, which netted him weird glances from Shintaro. Thinking about the options he had, he made sure that the boys were solely concentrating on the TV and only then shifted even closer to Shintaro. He fed the man one bite and loved the fact how flustered Shintaro got from the simple gesture.

 

When he no longer had anything to eat, Kazunari let out a content sigh and rested his head on Shintaro’s shoulder. This was happiness for sure, to feel someone else’s warmth against himself and feel safe in it. He closed his eyes and listened the absurd conversations the bunnies on TV made, chuckled along every now and then. His chest tightened from pure pleasure when Shintaro worked his fingers through his dark hair, and Kazunari glanced up at him. Looking into the greenness of the strikingly beautiful eyes, he wondered whether this was _finally_ happiness that would last longer than few months. Part of him was absolutely certain of it.

 

He stretched his neck longer and gave a peck on Shintaro’s lips. Although Shintaro froze at first, he soon relaxed again. Faintly Kazunari heard the commercials take over but didn’t care. He felt like completely absorbing to a little world of his own.

 

“Uncle Kazunari is gay,” Haru suddenly said.

 

Kazunari’s heart jumped to his throat, and he shuffled away from Shintaro straight away. With a frown he watched the boy who stared at them with narrowed eyes.

 

“Haru!” Shintaro scolded with a voice loud enough that made Fumi startle. “Where did you learn such a word?”

 

“In daycare Jin-chan said that boys who kiss boys are gay.” Haru pouted and frowned deeply. “Uncle is boy and daddy is boy, so uncle is gay.”

 

“Gay!” Fumi happily mimicked.

 

“Fumi…” Kazunari groaned and grabbed the boy on his lap. Fumi struggled but stayed put after Kazunari offered him his finger to chew.

 

“Haru, it’s not very nice to say that to people,” Shintaro said.

 

“Why not?” Haru asked.

 

“Because it is rude.”

 

“Why?”

 

“Because,” Shintaro sighed and rubbed his temples.

 

“What does gay mean, daddy?”

 

Looking rather troubled, Shintaro glanced at Kazunari. In fact, the man seemed like he wasn’t ready for this kind of conversation for another couple of years, but still he pulled Haru gently closer and stroked some hair behind the little ear.

 

“Well,” he began, as if to buy more time for himself. He cleared his throat and looked towards Kazunari again before fixing his gaze to his son. “Gay is… When there is a boy who likes another boy very much. There is nothing wrong with it.”

 

Haru shook his head and crossed his arms over his chest. “That can’t be, daddy.”

 

“Why not?”

 

“Because Jin-chan said his parents are gay, and Jin-chan said his parents don’t like each other.”

 

Shintaro hummed. “You shouldn’t believe everything Jin-chan says. Who is this Jin-chan, anyway, is he in your group?”

 

“Jin-chan has weird eyebrows and scary eyes,” Haru said matter-of-factly.

 

“Huh…” For a second Shintaro looked thoughtful, but ended up ruffling Haru’s hair. “Don’t call uncle Kazunari like that anymore, alright?”

  
“It’s really alright, Shin-chan,” Kazunari said with a laugh.

 

He smiled gently to Haru but only got almost an expressionless stare back. It made his stomach turn to nasty twists, and he made no further comment, not sure even what to say anymore. Haru lingered near his father and eventually sat back down in front of the TV. After Fumi demanded to get down as well – but not before shouting ‘gay’ at least a dozen of times –, Kazunari examined the backs of the boys’ heads and puckered his lips. He jolted out of his thoughts only when Shintaro nudged his shoulder.

 

“I’m sorry,” Shintaro mouthed.

 

Kazunari gave the man the smile that he had reserved for Haru. “It’s not an insult if it’s true.”

 

“Still.”

 

He said nothing more and fixed his gaze on the screen. He had to admit that this had been his fault – he had kissed Shintaro too carelessly. Ruffling his hair, Kazunari let out a silent groan and wanted to give himself a beating for his actions. The kids should come first, always, no matter how lovely a man was sitting next to him. _You idiot_ , he scolded himself and yanked his hair hard enough for his scalp to burn; only then did he let go of the dark curls.

 

Somehow, sitting this close to Shintaro with the kids right in front of them on the floor turned awkward. Kazunari cleared his throat and subtly inched a bit farther away, tried to consider the boys’ – or mostly Haru’s – feelings. He knew very well he got a weird look from Shintaro but did his best not to pay too much attention to it, especially when Haru kept glancing at them over his shoulder.

 

Painfully slow the cartoon came to its end, and the bunnies said goodbyes to the boys. Fumi hopped around like a woodland creature himself, giggled and shouted, flapped his hands around and bounced some more. Suddenly he stopped in front of Shintaro and jumped, elated, and looked at the man with a smile that surely melted Kazunari’s heart. Fumi reached his hands towards Shintaro who frowned.

 

“Shin-chan!” Fumi happily called. “Shin-chan, Shin- _chaaan_ , hug Fumi, hug Fumi!”

 

It clearly baffled Shintaro.

 

The grasshopper turned more anxious and tried to reach his fingers towards Shintaro’s face. When it didn’t quite happen, Fumi grumbled and bounced even more. “Shin-chan, Shin-chan, hug Fumi, hug Fumi, Shin-chan!”

 

Haru stood up and out of the blue shoved Fumi on the floor, and looked at the other boy with teary eyes full of anger. He shouted, “Fumi is stupid! Stupid, I hate you, stupid!”

 

Immediately as Fumi hit the ground he began to cry loudly. He rolled on the floor and screamed from the top of his lungs, and kept rubbing his head. Blood gushed fiercely through Kazunari’s veins, and he crouched on the floor and wrapped Fumi in the safety of his arms. His pulse pounded hard on his temples and didn’t calm down at all.

 

“Haru!” shouted Shintaro in a voice that Kazunari had never heard before. “Come back here and apologize right now!”

 

“No!” Haru screamed. “Fumi is stupid, Fumi is stupid!”

 

The boy ran towards the kitchen and got Shintaro after him. Kazunari frowned and watched after them, heard muffled noises of arguing but concentrated quickly on Fumi. He stroked his son’s head and searched for a bump and found a tiny one. Nonetheless, Fumi kept crying and rubbing his eyes to the point of getting snot _everywhere_. He didn’t stop even when Kazunari settled himself better on the floor and took him properly in his lap, rocked him gently.

 

“Shh, it’s okay,” he murmured to Fumi’s ear and brushed away the tears on the boy’s cheeks. He didn’t even believe his own words. “It’s okay… Shh, don’t cry, it’s alright… Fumi-chan isn’t stupid at all, daddy loves you very much.”

 

Kazunari simply couldn’t wrap his fingers around the situation at all. He had thought – perhaps naively so – that what had happened a day before with the boys had already been long forgotten, but Haru had looked so angry. A sigh escaped his lips as he hugged Fumi against his chest and tuned out of the argument that still echoed from the kitchen. He decided not to blame Haru for it; the boy was probably having a rough time, he supposed things turned cranky at that age. Wondering whether Fumi would be the same in few years, Kazunari hummed.

 

He didn’t look up until Shintaro came back with Haru screaming and struggling in his arms. The stern expression on the man’s face was nothing like he had ever seen before, and his movements seemed almost rough as he put Haru down and kept him still by squeezing his shoulders.

 

“Go on, Haru, apologize,” he said.

 

“No!” Haru screamed.

 

“Didn’t we just agree that you would apologize?”

 

“I don’t want to!”

 

“Hey, Shin-chan…” Kazunari tried but pressed his lips tightly shut after seeing Shintaro’s glare.

 

“Please apologize,” Shintaro coaxed, sounded almost desperate.

 

“No!” Haru struggled out of the grasp and screamed, “Daddy is stupid! Stupid, stupid, stupid!”

 

With such temper the boy ran away again and left Shintaro crouching by himself. Kazunari bit the bottom of his lip and continued to rock Fumi who sobbed only silently by now. He worked his fingers through the boy’s dark hair and wanted to do the same to Shintaro, too; the man really looked like he was in the need of it. Kazunari tried to come up with words of encouragement, but seeing Shintaro’s shoulders slump dried all of his efforts.

 

Eventually he whispered, “It’s really okay, these things happen.”

 

“It’s not okay!” Shintaro shouted, so loud in fact that even Fumi stopped crying momentarily in Kazunari’s lap. He huffed and picked himself up, pushed the glasses roughly back on their place. “I didn’t raise my son to be violent towards others, so _don’t_ start telling me it’s okay.”

 

“Wow, hold on,” Kazunari interrupted and got up as well. “I’m not trying to question you here, I’m just trying to comfort you!”

 

“Thank you for the kindness, but that isn’t what I need now.”

 

“What do you need then?” Kazunari stared at the man. “Just tell me, and I’ll give it to you.”

 

Shintaro huffed and shook his head, smiled but it didn’t look kind at all. “I think the both of us will go home and calm down. I apologize for Haru’s behalf, let me know if Fumi needs any medical attention.”

 

“It’s just a fucking bump!”

 

“Fuck,” Fumi mumbled under his breath.

 

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” Shintaro hurried to say. He took the steps away from them already but stopped and spun around, clearly hesitated. “Thank you for food and… everything else. I’ll call you in the morning.”

 

Kazunari nodded and hated the fact that he had to watch Shintaro leave. Suddenly the apartment felt too spacious and lonely, eerily so, and uneasiness crawled on his skin. He slumped down on the couch and absent-mindedly kissed the corner of Fumi’s eye, tasted the salty tears and felt a sting in his heart. _What a mess!_ No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t understand it – the boys had gotten along so well together, so what had changed all of a sudden? He let Fumi play with his hand and bite his forefinger with the sharp teeth that had finally grown in their full state.

 

“Don’t worry, Fumi-chan,” he murmured and got a confused look from his son who kept his finger in his mouth. “Tomorrow everything will be just fine, and Haru-chan won’t be mad at you anymore.”

 

He hardly believed his own words.


	13. Chapter 13

Kazunari sat on the bathroom’s floor in the middle of fresh laundry pile and tried to fold and color-coordinate everything. If he was honest, he would have rather been cooking or vacuuming or even scrubbing the bathtub sparkling clean, but the laundry wasn’t going to do itself. He heaved out a sigh and glanced at his phone for the umpteenth time of the day; it had been strangely silent through the morning and noon, and he was getting anxious. Again he checked it, but there was no new messages or calls. As always, frustration built inside him, and furiously he folded the next unfortunate shirt that he found to his grasp.

 

“Dada!” Fumi swayed in the door frame, mysteriously without his shirt.

 

“What is it, Fumi-chan?” Kazunari picked a pair of tiny pants and lifted them up, folded them messily right from the middle.

 

“Play car.”

 

“In a bit, daddy needs to do this first.”

 

“Play car!”

 

Kazunari glanced over his shoulder and found the ever-so convincing crocodile tears in Fumi’s cheeks. He sighed softly and crooked his finger to the boy who giggled and ran straight to his embrace. A blue car was offered to him, and Kazunari did take it but placed it in the middle of one of the tiles on the floor.

 

“Why don’t we play something else?” he asked and picked Fumi in his lap, tickled his sides. “This is a really cool game, daddy promises. Fumi-chan takes clothes from the basket and gives them to daddy, and daddy folds them nicely to this pile… Does it sound fun?”

 

“Yay!”

 

Kazunari thought that he had just hit two birds with one stone and couldn’t be happier, although this option was surely going to slow him down. With a lot of effort Fumi stretched himself towards the basket and handed a shirt, laughed and clapped his hands. Kazunari kissed the back of the boy’s head and folded the shirt. Next he got a pair of socks, and only managed to roll them together when Fumi climbed off his lap and into the basket. A chuckle escaped him, and he shook his head. Fumi looked happy, and he found no reason to get him out of there.

 

“Will you give daddy something to fold?”

 

“Here!” Fumi threw pants on the floor and picked up a shirt with cars on the front. He exclaimed happily. “Fumi’s shirt, dada!”

 

“Hey, that’s right! Do you want to fold it yourself, or should daddy do it?”

 

“Me!”

 

“Alright, alright, make sure to fold it nicely.” Kazunari grabbed another shirt and clutched it, glanced at his phone again. The screen remained as depressingly black as always, and his stomach turned to ugly twists and knots. Worry started to eat the peace he had held in his chest. He sucked his bottom lip and shuddered, quickly folded the shirt and moved to the next. Shintaro had promised to call him… _Call me then, idiot_. He heaved out a sigh and took Fumi’s offering of the messy shirt that hardly looked folded at all. Nonetheless, he placed it on the top of the pile and got a sunny smile from his son.

 

“Dada…”

 

“Yes?”

 

“Haru-chan.”

 

Kazunari startled and looked up from the pair of pants he tried to straighten. On Fumi’s lips was a pout instead of the smile, and he looked at his father with blazing dark eyes.

 

“Play car.”

 

Kazunari’s heart skipped an unnecessary beat. He pushed a smile on his lips nonetheless. “You want to play with the cars with Haru-chan?”

 

Eagerly Fumi nodded and smiled again. Seeing such a bright expression made it even worse for Kazunari to tell the boy that his playmate might not want to play with him anymore. He scratched his nape and tried to search for the right, gentle words that Fumi would understand. He fiddled the lonely sock that Fumi threw to him and hesitated.

 

“I’m not sure if Haru-chan can play with cars today,” he carefully said.

 

Fumi frowned. “Why?”

 

“I think Haru-chan is busy with his daddy.”

 

Fumi whimpered and looked down. The boy’s essence broke Kazunari’s heart, and he curled his fingers to fists. The last thing he wanted was his son to look so sad because there was some quarrel going on, yet it was the exact thing that he had to witness. Encouraged by the thought, he pushed himself up and grabbed the toy car, picked Fumi in his arms and narrowed his eyes.

 

“Let’s go, Fumi-chan,” he said, determined all of a sudden. If Shintaro wasn’t going to call, _well_ , he would visit. It was only a few steps’ distance anyway. He tightened his grasp from Fumi and continued, “We’ll play with Haru-chan and Shin-chan, I’ll make sure of it!”

 

_Hell_ , he would do anything to sit the boy next door down and play with the cars with Fumi, no matter what it took from him.

 

Kazunari marched with childlike defiance around the apartment, grabbed few more toys along and gave them to Fumi. The boy giggled in his lap and cried out Haru’s name with such a happy tone that only made Kazunari’s determination grow. He stomped to the staircase and rang the doorbell  to the Midorima household once, but soon kept pressing it over and over again. When nothing happened in the first twenty seconds, he started to bang the door. His jaw clenched and his knuckles ached. If Shintaro was now avoiding him for some ridiculous reason, he would be mad. Extremely so.

 

He froze when Haru came to open the door. The boy looked up at them with a deep frown and a pout. The silence was awkward, and Kazunari’s pulse calmed down a bit but still pounded in his forehead for him not to be able to say a single thing. Fumi struggled in his lap, tried to already offer a toy for Haru who stood still and stared. When Kazunari finally managed to part his lips, Haru dashed into the apartment.

 

“Haru-chan!” Fumi shouted behind his friend. “Haru-chan, Haru- _chaaan_!”

 

“Shh,” Kazunari murmured and kissed Fumi’s cheek. “Don’t shout in here, it echoes.”

 

When Shintaro came to the doorway wearing only a fluffy-looking bathrobe, water dripping from his hair and not even having his glasses on, Kazunari’s heart jumped to his throat. Had it been any other situation, he would have tried to coax Shintaro to let him inside the robe as well. Now he held Fumi tighter against his chest and settled a serious expression on his face although his body was thinking completely different things. _Maybe after this we can have some fun_ , he thought and stood a bit straighter, cleared his throat.

 

“Is this a bad time?” he asked.

 

Shintaro pressed himself against the doorframe and crossed his arms loosely over his chest, looked ridiculously sexy to Kazunari’s eyes. Although Shintaro’s expression softened, the corners of his lips remained tense. “I was in the middle of the shower. What are you doing here?”

 

“I…” Kazunari swallowed the rest of his sentence and hesitated. He glanced at Fumi and made up his mind, continued, “You didn’t call me.”

 

“About that…”

 

Kazunari’s insides turned ice-cold. He knew that tone of voice; it was the _sorry but I have to break up with you_ tone that he had used just as many times as it had been used for him. Surely Shintaro wasn’t going to get in the list of his sad attempts of relationships… Definitely not Shintaro. Kazunari still remained nervous, and with anxiety in the pit of his stomach stared at the man. Shintaro said nothing, merely looked troubled, and little by little Kazunari started to lose his faith. Shintaro wasn’t _that_ kind of a man.

 

He laughed his nervousness away. “What is it?”

 

Shintaro heaved a sigh and stepped to the staircase, closed the door behind his back. For a fleeting second he looked at Kazunari and then averted his gaze, and worked his fingers through his dripping wet hair. “I talked with Haru last night.”

 

“And?”

 

“And… I think we should stop this.”

 

Kazunari was sure that about that second he was to have a heart attack. He felt Fumi nudge his cheek but barely felt anything. Panic took over his body and wanted his mouth to spout out desperate things but nothing got out. This wasn’t happening… Not Shintaro. _Not him_.

 

“What do you mean?” His voice was a sad whimper. “What do you want to stop?”

 

“This… This what is between us.” Shintaro didn’t look convincing at all. He gritted his teeth and held a deep frown and a miserable expression on his face. His fingers curled to tight fists by his body, and he did everything humanly possible to avoid Kazunari’s gaze. “This is too soon after all… Everything happened so hastily.”

 

Kazunari stumbled a step closer and made Fumi exclaim. He tightened his grasp from the boy and stared at Shintaro with a gaze more desperate than ever. “Did Haru say something to you about this?”

 

“I think he feels that you are trying to take his place.”

 

“I’m not trying that at all!” His voice echoed loud in the staircase. He huffed. “I don’t… I don’t want to replace him, I’m not trying anything like that.”

 

Shintaro fixed his gaze on Kazunari’s feet. “I know you aren’t. But that is how my son feels, and I can’t ignore that.”

 

“So you want to break up?”

 

The silence spoke much more than any word that Shintaro could have uttered out at the moment.

 

“At least say it to me with a face that convinces me that you want it!” Kazunari shouted. He refused to believe it, but Shintaro did nothing to deny it. _Shit, shit!_ He wanted to grab Fumi’s toy car out of pure frustration and smash it against the nearest wall but managed to keep himself from doing it. From head to toe he trembled, wanted to punch Shintaro but couldn’t bring himself to do it, either. His shoulders shook from miserable laughter.

 

“Dada,” Fumi whispered and gave Kazunari’s chin a smooch. “Dada… Dada…”

 

Kazunari changed tactics and settled himself right in front of Shintaro, grabbed the man’s collar with his free hand. He gritted his teeth and wanted to spit the cruelest words, curses and insults but couldn’t do it with Fumi listening. Instead, he clicked his tongue and frowned, fixed his gaze on Shintaro’s throat.

 

“We can work this out.” His voice trembled. “We can… We can do this together. We can! We don’t have to stop doing this, just trust me, Shin-chan!”

 

“I’m sorry…”

 

Kazunari clutched Shintaro’s collar tighter. “Was it all lies yesterday, then?”

 

“I don’t—“

 

“Yesterday you said it was all fine to get caught up in my pace, but now it suddenly goes too fast?!”

 

“Dada, no shout,” Fumi mumbled.

 

Kazunari rocked Fumi in his arms, a bit too furiously as the boy cried out several times before Kazunari realized to stop it. He glared at Shintaro who was clearly taken aback, and wished that his feelings would reach the man. Adrenaline pumped through his veins and made him lightheaded, and colorful zigzagging filled his vision. He huffed and kissed Fumi’s forehead, swallowed down the tears that wanted to push through. Out of all the people he had known and dated, he had been _so_ sure that Shintaro wasn’t like that, that surely with Shintaro he could work things out and be honestly happy after such a long time. His heart ached.

 

“I’m only thinking what’s the best for my son,” Shintaro quietly said.

 

A laughter escaped Kazunari. “What part of me isn’t good enough for your son? I’m a dad, too, you told me yourself that I’m even a good one! I fucking know how it’s like with kids, so don’t tell me I’m not—“

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

“Stop saying that!”

 

Only his huffs echoed in the staircase as it turned eerily quiet. He moistened his lips and rubbed his eyes, took a sharp breath. _Don’t cry, don’t you dare to cry now,_ he ordered himself but sniffed. Nausea pooled inside him, and even hugging Fumi didn’t soothe the pain at all as it had usually did. Kazunari stumbled a step back and glanced at his front door, wanted to escape already, wanted to shut himself inside four walls and never stand in the staircase again. Fumi kissed his chin again and made him shudder. It was the worst to be comforted by his own son – it was supposed to be the other way around.

 

He looked at Shintaro and swore it was going to be the last time. Under his breath he said, “I love you.”

 

It was his final trump card; he had planned to say the words much later, in a more suitable situation, but they simply escaped. Shintaro jolted and finally looked at Kazunari, his eyes wide. Kazunari swallowed and sucked his bottom lip, bit it and made it hurt. This was going to work, _right_? He couldn’t remember the last time he had been this desperate over a man, and he knew he was serious about this. This wasn’t just a fling or a casual fuck, this was something he wanted to cling onto and never let go.

 

Shintaro sighed and averted his gaze. Although he frowned deeply and his body twitched, he remained silent.

 

“You know, we deserve to be happy, too.” Kazunari’s forehead ached from frowning too deep. “Even if we have kids, we deserve to be happy and find someone by our sides, don’t you think?”

 

Shintaro looked like he was at loss with his words.

 

“Fuck,” Kazunari mumbled. Fumi nuzzled his cheek and gave him wet, sloppy smooches. “I’m such an idiot to think you’d be any different from the guys I’ve gone out with. I sure am convenient when they want me, but as soon as something comes up, I’m just thrown to the side.”

 

“Kazunari…”

 

“Hey, it’s okay, I get it now.” He chuckled and took steps backwards towards their place. “You can tell Haru that we won’t bother you anymore. You two can continue to be the happy family of two, and we’ll do exactly the same.”

 

Fumi perked in his arms. “Haru-chan… Haru-chan plays with Fumi?”

 

“Sorry, sweetie, Haru-chan’s not going to play with us anymore,” Kazunari said.

 

“But…” Fumi’s eyes glistened from tears. His lips trembled, and he clutched the front of his father’s shirt tight with his tiny fingers. “Haru-chan…”

 

Kazunari stopped abruptly in front of their front door and swung around to stare at Shintaro. The man hadn’t moved an inch and instead, looked even more depressed than he had a second ago. Kazunari wanted to laugh right to his face; why was _Shintaro_ looking like that when _he_ had been the one breaking things off like this? Fumi sniffed and rubbed his face against his chest. Kazunari took a sharp inhale and felt rage hit him like a tidal wave.

 

“You can hurt me all you want, Shintaro,” he said with a calm, collected voice and made Shintaro startle. “But as soon as you make my son cry like this, I won’t forgive you.”

 

“Kazunari,” Shintaro called with a gentle honey-like voice.

 

“No, no.” Kazunari yanked the door open. “Just… This is fine. We’ll see each other in kindergarten or something.”

 

“Kazunari!” Shintaro stumbled forward. “Try to understand that I’m doing this for the sake of my son.”

 

“I do get it, alright? We’re both dads, of course we’d put our children on the first place, but I honestly thought we could support each other like this.” Kazunari examined Shintaro’s lips part, and before the man was able to say anything else, he hurried to add, “Bye!”

 

He slammed the door shut behind his back and breathed heavily, listened the silence of the apartment, and it made him sick. Gritting his teeth, he let Fumi on his feet on the floor and wanted to punch the nearest wall. _Why_ did he have such a lousy taste in men, _why_ had it turned out like this, and _why_ the hell was he feeling so miserable about all of this? Kazunari’s chest ached from the uneven breaths. The biggest part of him hoped that Shintaro would knock on his door and apologize, tell him that he had been wrong and they could figure things out together, but the silence prolonged. No knocks came.

 

Without a second thought Kazunari yelled and kicked the door, made his toes hurts. He kicked again until the pain spread to his entire leg and screamed, “You son of a bitch!”

 

He huffed, and his knuckles turned pale when his hands curled to tight fists. Tears wanted to drop down on his cheeks but he breathed through his nose and did everything in his power not to cry. Everything turned silent again, and he hated it. He loathed it.

 

All of a sudden Fumi screamed as well, with a rather nasal tone, and charged towards the door, kicked towards it but missed, fell down on his bottom to the floor. Still he screamed, “You son!” to the door and sounded like a siren, started to cry as well. Kazunari startled and watched his son blow a fuse right in front of him, realized just what the hell he had done and fell on his knees by the boy. Fumi crawled in his lap and yanked the hem of his shirt.

 

“Dada,” the boy called with a desperate voice and sniffed. Snot crawled from his nostrils towards his mouth. “Dada… Dada, don’t cry. Dada.”

 

“It’s okay,” Kazunari whispered and wrapped his arms around Fumi, squeezed his eyes shut and hugged him. He felt like a lousy father and sniffed, trembled. Kissing Fumi’s forehead, he finally felt his eyes itch and burn. He sniffed and buried his nose to the boy’s dark hair, murmured gently, “It’s going to be daddy and Fumi-chan again, alright? Daddy will play cars with you as much as you want, Fumi-chan doesn’t have to worry about a single thing…”

 

He wasn’t sure whether his words really reached his son, but it made him feel a bit better. This was just another bump along the road – they were going to be just fine together. They needed no one else. Wishing that he had decided to move on another apartment in the first place, with a pain stinging his heart Kazunari held Fumi and didn’t let go.


	14. Chapter 14

Reciting the conversation he had had with Shintaro word by word to a party of five and a dog didn’t lift Kazunari’s mood at all. He did it nonetheless, and was relieved when he got to exhale the final word. He hung his head low and pressed his palms to his temples, listened the silence that filled the entire dining room. The clock on the wall sounded loud. The silence prolonged and flew heavy, and he wished someone would say something.

 

“Well, he’s an asshole,” Daiki finally said.

 

“The last time you called him a nice catch,” Taiga noted.

 

“Yeah, so? Now he’s an asshole, got a problem with that, _asshole_?”

 

“Stop it!” Ryouta hissed and, judging by the yelp Daiki gave out, slapped his partner.

 

The silence came again. Barely Kazunari found the strength to glance up at his friends who keenly looked at him. He had nothing to say, though, probably to everyone’s disappointment, and his stomach turned to knots. As grateful as he had been for Tetsuya to call the _emergency meeting_ like it was now officially called, especially when Daiki, Ryouta and Taiga were leaving the country early in the morning, it ripped the ache in Kazunari’s chest wide open again. He didn’t want to think about everything that had been said a mere day ago, but he didn’t have the heart to tell everyone to stop worrying.

 

With a frown decorating his face he fixed his gaze on Fumi who sat on Taiga’s lap and was focused on playing with his toys. Kazunari smiled weakly and ruffled his own hair. At least Fumi wasn’t affected by any of this, which made the weight shift away just a little from his shoulders.

 

“I’ll make us some tea,” Tetsuya said.

 

“Takaocchi,” said Ryouta, with a voice so gentle that it made Kazunari think about Shintaro, and placed his hand on Kazunari’s shoulder with care. “Are you alright?”

 

“I’m fine,” Kazunari insisted. “This is all fine… I think we all saw this coming.”

 

“Takaocchi…”

 

“Hey, it’s not your fault,” Daiki said. “You’ve just met a lot of assholes lately. Hah, like that guy in the beginning of the year who was only after your ass—“

 

Ryouta glared at Daiki harsh enough to make the man press his lips tightly together and quiver.

 

“You probably just have a lousy taste in men,” said Taiga, although most of his concentration was on Fumi’s car plays. He moved one of the tiny wheels on the table and held the overly excited boy in his lap with his other hand, glanced up at Kazunari and shrugged. “Maybe your type is just men that turn out to be, well… assholes.”

 

Daiki nudged Ryouta’s shoulder. “Why does he get to say such things but I don’t? I was saying the exact same thing.”

 

“Because Kagamicchi is better with his words.”

 

“You’re both probably right,” Kazunari admitted. All three men looked at him, and he cleared his throat. “I have a shitty taste in men.”

 

“I can beat him up for you if you want,” Daiki offered.

 

Kazunari laughed, and momentarily felt a tiny bit better. “Please don’t!”

 

“I really could have done it,” Daiki mumbled to Taiga who nodded in agreement. “But honestly, I thought you two were doing just fine, you looked all sickly lovey-dovey when we were playing.”

 

Kazunari gripped the edge of the table and sighed. His shoulders slumped from the memory of the lovely afternoon, and he frowned. He shrugged a bit. “I thought we were doing fine, too.”

 

Ryouta rubbed his back and made him smile weakly. Although it was awful to go through everything that had happened like this, Kazunari _was_ grateful that everyone were suddenly so thoughtful and worrying. He moved his hand over Ryouta’s and squeezed the man’s knuckles, his smile turning a bit gentler. Fumi laughed as he got to have a car race with Taiga who put all his effort to it. As another sigh escaped Kazunari’s mouth after all, he leaned closer to Ryouta and let the man hug him tight. Ryouta smelled sweet, of flowers of some sort.

 

“Hey, was the sex at least worth this all?” Daiki asked out of the blue.

 

“Daikicchi! You can’t say that word with little children around.”

 

“Huh, why not? That little runt doesn’t understand anything.” Daiki poked Fumi’s cheek and got a sunny smile from the boy. “Do you understand what this uncle is talking about, brat?”

 

“Sex,” Fumi echoed and looked at his father with sparkling eyes.

 

“I told you!” Ryouta whined.

 

Daiki ruffled Fumi’s hair and laughed. “It’s fine, it’s fine, it’s just a word, he doesn’t understand what it means.”

 

“So was it worth it?” Taiga asked and looked at Kazunari. The other two’s gazes followed to his direction as well.

 

Kazunari bit his lip and thought carefully about his words and how to put them together, and eventually said, “Yeah… It was amazing.”

 

Daiki whistled. “Even better than that guy you met on Christmas?”

 

“Oh, definitely. A lot better.”

 

“Who would have thought that that guy was so good in bed…”

 

The corners of Kazunari’s lips twitched a bit higher but didn’t pull into a full-fledged smile. His heart stung, and involuntarily he thought about the sex they had had for one time. It _had_ been amazing – Shintaro wasn’t a beast in bed per se, but he had been gentle and eager, making up all the tiny flaws in technique. Kazunari heaved out a sigh and buried his face to his palms, yanked the hair in his nape. Had he gotten any saying for this emergency meeting, he would have gotten pissing drunk and forget everything. Ryouta rubbed his back again, but this time the movement made nausea pool within Kazunari.

 

“I’m so jealous of all of you,” he mumbled to his palms. “I want to have a relationship like yours, too… Ah, I thought Shintaro could be the one but I’m such an idiot…”

 

“T-Takaocchi…”

 

“I think I’ll start a celibate until Fumi moves out… Yeah, that’s what I’ll do, I won’t date anyone anymore, because I _hate_ this feeling.”

 

They all remained silent, awkwardly so. Kazunari was confident of his own words, promising himself that celibate was definitely the right answer for the situation. He didn’t want to pursue happiness, because what good did it do? Thinking he was doomed to live alone and rather miserably, he pressed his forehead against the table and groaned.

 

“O-Oi, Tetsu, hurry with the tea!” Daiki shouted and sounded surprisingly flustered.

 

Kazunari didn’t jolt out of his thoughts until tea cups rattled right by his side. He looked up and somewhat smiled to Tetsuya, pressed his fingertips against the cup given to him and felt his skin burn. Still he didn’t retreat his hand, though, and let the sensation tickle his fingers unpleasantly. It was something he was able to concentrate on that wasn’t about Shintaro, and that made him feel better than any word offered to him so far.

 

“Does Fumi-chan want warm milk?” Tetsuya asked.

 

“Yes please!” shrieked Fumi.

 

Taiga laughed. “Give it few years and this one here will be a proper gentleman for sure.”

 

Although all of the party chuckled, their gazes still kept finding Kazunari who burned underneath them. He looked down at his share of the tea that looked delicious and moistened his lips, was already able to taste it on his tongue. He wrapped both of his hands properly around the mug and lifted it near his mouth, smelled a sweet scent. Frowning, he glanced at Tetsuya who eventually claimed his seat back next to him and smiled at him.

 

“It has some honey in it, just like Takao-kun likes it,” Tetsuya said.

 

“Thanks.”

 

The first sip was heavenly, albeit hot. The dining room turned silent again, and Kazunari rather preferred it that way. He concentrated on the tea and nothing else, looking at Fumi who rubbed the milk trail away from his chin. The surface of his tea waved ever so slightly, and like a child he wanted to stick his finger to the hotness. His chest felt ridiculously tight, and he wanted nothing more but to rip his heart out so it would stop stinging every other second.

 

Tetsuya leaned in, came close and kept only a marginal distance between their bodies. His breath felt warm and safe against Kazunari’s face.

 

“Are you alright?”

 

“Guys!” Kazunari put down the cup louder than he wanted and leaned into the chair. “I’m fine, alright? This is your last day here in months, you shouldn’t waste it here!”

 

“But we want to,” Ryouta said.

 

“Yeah,” Daiki chimed.

 

“You’re all impossible,” sighed Kazunari.

 

“Impossibly good friends, you mean.” Daiki grinned across the table. “Besides, we gotta trash an asshole that hurt you.”

 

“I think Midorima-kun is a good man,” Tetsuya said out of the blue.

 

Kazunari startled and with widened eyes stared at Tetsuya; so did everyone else. He heard his pulse right on the root of his ear and couldn’t believe those words had just dropped among them – somehow, they were the words he had desperately wanted to hear in the midst of all the bashing without even realizing it. His heart skipped silly beats and made his chest sting. Underneath everyone’s stare Tetsuya squirmed and sought comfort in Taiga’s gaze.

 

“Whose side are you on, Tetsu?” Daiki asked.

 

“No one’s,” was Tetsuya’s answer.

 

“ _Hah_?”

 

“Midorima-kun is a good man,” Tetsuya repeated and made Daiki mumble further thoughts about assholes. “Midorima-kun did what every father would have done.”

 

Cold shivers pierced Kazunari’s body. No one was able to argue with Tetsuya’s reasoning. A gentle smile eventually rose to Tetsuya’s face as he looked at Kazunari. “I know it’s hard because Takao-kun cares for Midorima-kun, and I believe Midorima-kun also cares for Takao-kun.”

 

Kazunari twitched.

 

“But as a father himself, surely Takao-kun understands why Midorima-kun did what he did.” Tetsuya placed his hand over Kazunari’s and squeezed it carefully. “Every father thinks what is the best for their child… So Midorima-kun shouldn’t be blamed.”

 

There they were, the words that Kazunari had avoided as much as he could in the last twenty-four hours simply because he knew they were _right_. He knew that Tetsuya was absolutely, hundred percent right, and nothing pained him more than to know that until now he had ignored the words because of his own selfishness. Had he been in Shintaro’s shoes, he would have most likely done the exact same thing for the sake of his son, too. However, it felt easier to blame it on other things, but as a daddy himself – he had a hunch what must have went through Shintaro’s mind that moment. Kazunari grunted, and his legs twitched, and with pain staking under his skin he squeezed his eyes shut and craved to be alone.

 

“We were supposed to cheer him up, Tetsu, not make him even more depressed,” Daiki noted.

 

“I’m only saying what everyone in this room is thinking,” Tetsuya defended.

 

When the two of them started a bicker, Kazunari couldn’t take it anymore. The chair screeched as he pushed himself up, and with trembling fingers grasped the half-empty tea cup of his. He cleared his throat and unintentionally silenced the men again. Only Fumi let out happy, clueless giggles.

 

“I’m going to get myself more tea,” Kazunari mumbled.

 

“Takaocchi…” Ryouta tried and grasped the back of Kazunari’s shirt, but Kazunari wiggled himself free and hurried alone to the kitchen before anyone was able to say anything.

 

The loneliness felt heavenly. He heaved out a sigh and placed the cup down, grasped the edge of the counter with both of his hands. Surely a heartbreak had never felt this strong… It made his knees buckle and bile gather to the pit of his stomach, and sure of the fact that he would throw up, Kazunari pressed his forehead against the cool wooden surface and breathed heavily. Anxiety curled its vicious claws around his heart and squeezed, made him moan. Not even once had it felt like this… Not this strong or crushing. _Stupid Shintaro_.

 

The tears he had managed to keep so well in bay now overflowed. Kazunari sniffed and rubbed his nose to the back of his  hand , trembled from head to toe. He wanted to scream from the top of his lungs but bit his lip hard, didn’t want anyone to hear him or see him in such a pitiful state. Slamming his fist against the counter, he sobbed and squeezed his eyes shut, wondered what the hell he had done so wrong in his life – whether it was this one or the previous – to deserve things like this to happen over and over again. Silently he cried out and rubbed snot away from his lips, pressed his pelvis hard against the counter. _If only_ he was decent, _if only_ he had been kinder, nicer and gentler, _if only_ Shintaro hadn’t done this to him – _if only_ he would have accepted Shintaro’s reasoning behind the decision.

 

Drool dripped from his mouth to the counter, and he did the effort to wipe it away with his sleeve. He pressed his cheek against the surface and felt a burn behind his eyes. This was pitiful, _he_ was pitiful, and he hated to be like this, like a little child who knew nothing better. His cheeks glowed and his stomach did somersaults. He yanked his hair and wanted to shout and cry some more, and after a scene curl to Shintaro’s embrace, which was the worst possible thought that he could have.

 

“Takao-kun…”

 

Kazunari startled and pushed himself up, faced Tetsuya’s concerned look and rubbed the tears away from his face. He knew it wasn’t going to fool his friend, not when his eyes stung and were swollen, and sure enough Tetsuya stepped closer. A lump rose to Kazunari’s throat and didn’t leave no matter how hard he swallowed. He pressed his tailbone against the counter and felt like a little woodland creature wanting to escape. Tetsuya stopped in front of him, looked at him keenly with his bright blue eyes and all of a sudden hugged him.

 

Although he remained tensed at first, he soon relaxed in the embrace that he had rarely felt through all the years of their friendship. He stood still a little while longer and then wrapped his arms around Tetsuya, and cried openly against his friend’s shoulder. The way Tetsuya rubbed his back and held him close was gentle, and it only made him cry even harder.

 

“It’s okay,” Tetsuya whispered.

 

“I-It’s not,” Kazunari sobbed and squeezed his friend even tighter. “I thought he’d be the one… That I could t-take him to dinners with you guys and… and then I wouldn’t have to be alone anymore…”

 

“I’m sure Takao-kun can fix things with Midorima-kun.”

 

He groaned. “I can’t! He’s a good father, he does what’s best for his kid… I ca-can’t blame him.”

 

“Kazunari-kun.” Tetsuya started to sound impatient. He cupped Kazunari’s face to his palms and looked at him. “One day you will find a man who loves you just as much as you love them, I promise. If you think Midorima-kun is that man, then you need to go for it.”

 

Kazunari stared at Tetsuya and wiped the corners of his eyes, but the tears still kept coming. He sniffed, and under his shivery breath mumbled, “I’m giving up on Shintaro… I’m only a bother to him and Haru, I’m moving on.”

 

“Takao-kun…”

 

“Kuroko, is everything alright?” echoed Taiga’s voice from the dining room. A chair screeched, and Kazunari’s heart skipped a beat.

 

Tetsuya took a deep inhale, looked over his shoulder and said, “Please don’t come here for a while, we will be right there.”

 

When there was no protest, Tetsuya turned to look at Kazunari again. He gave a smile that looked rather sad and finally pulled away, but entwined his fingers to Kazunari’s and squeezed them tight. His eyes were more piercing than usually.

 

“Stay the night.”

 

“I can’t,” Kazunari immediately said. “It’s Kagami’s last day here, I’m not planning to be in the way.”

 

“You won’t be in the way.”

 

“You don’t even believe that yourself,” he snickered. “It’s okay, really. I’ll go home with Fumi and sleep in my own bed and—“

 

“Takao-kun,” Tetsuya interrupted. He looked at the man deep in his eyes and continued, “Please stay the night. I’m worried about you.”

 

Kazunari found no words to decline any longer. He heaved out a sigh and accepted the offer, was more than certain that he would spend most of the night listening the couple having sex behind the wall, but maybe it was okay; at least he didn’t have to be alone in an empty apartment with his thoughts. He moistened his lips and squeezed Tetsuya’s shoulder, murmured a soft _thank you_ and actually meant it.

 

After a moment of hesitation and once the tears were dried, together they stepped back to the dining room, Kazunari now with lukewarm tea along. He cleared his throat and sat down between Tetsuya and Ryouta, and felt everyone’s gazes burn on him. His eyes stung, and he knew they were red as hell, and he worried someone was soon going to say something about it and make the tears spill just as he had gotten himself under control. He flashed a smile to Fumi and got one in return, and it made the knot in his stomach loosen a little.

 

“Takaocchi…” Ryouta finally began.

 

“Kagami-kun and Aomine-kun have a match soon after they get back, right?” Tetsuya interrupted.

 

“Huh?” Daiki let out.

 

“Oh yeah, yeah, we get to be there two days and then it’s back to action,” said Taiga and glanced at his better half. Tetsuya smiled gently.

 

Kazunari smiled to himself, and in his mind thanked Tetsuya for changing the subject and, most importantly, Taiga for getting the hint.

 

“Mm, but you’re totally starting on the bench this time,” Daiki said.

 

“Nah, it’s going to be you.”

 

“What the _fuck_ are you—“

 

“Daikicchi, don’t swear when Fumi can hear you!” Ryouta scolded.

 

Kazunari leaned back into the chair, and with a faint smile on his lips he listened the lively conversation that barely needed his input. If he was honest, _this_ was the thing that cheered him up the most; he was able to push the thoughts of Shintaro to the back of his mind and laugh along with his friends. It was a mess, Daiki and Taiga shouting over each other, Ryouta trying to get in between and Tetsuya silently watching it all evolve, and Kazunari wouldn’t have wanted it any other way. He loved it like this.

 

When the sunshine was long gone and yawns interrupted the flow of the discussion from several directions, Daiki finally pushed himself up on his feet and messed Ryouta’s hair.

 

“We should get going, babe, we won’t be able to get up in the morning otherwise.”

 

“Already?” Ryouta pouted. “Just an hour more…”

 

“He’s just too busy wanting to have S-E-X,” Taiga spelled out for the sake of Fumi nonetheless.

 

Daiki grinned. “You make it sound like it’s a bad thing.”

 

“Fine, fine,” Ryouta said and got up, yelped when Daiki pulled him against himself. Ryouta chuckled under his breath but clearly tried his best not to get too close to his partner. “Takaocchi, please tell us how everything goes, okay? Let’s keep in touch, don’t make us worry too much!”

 

“I’ll let you guys know, don’t worry,” Kazunari said.

 

“Don’t dwell too much in it, just find yourself a new guy and get going,” Daiki said and fixed his gaze on Taiga. “Yo, idiot, see you at the airport tomorrow, don’t be late.”

 

Taiga rolled his eyes. “Just get going already.”

 

Goodbyes were exchanged here and there, and eventually the two of them left, Ryouta grudgingly. Kazunari rocked on the chair and glanced at the front door, but soon concentrated on Fumi and waved his fingers to the boy, smiled.

 

“Want to come to daddy’s lap, Fumi-chan?”

 

“Dada’s lap!” Fumi echoed and hopped off from Taiga’s lap and maneuvered straight next to Kazunari. He jumped up and down and reached his hands towards his father.

 

Kazunari laughed. “It’s okay, Fumi-chan, daddy’s going to hug you now!”

 

He felt a lot better as soon as he got his little boy to sit on his lap. Fumi snuggled against his chest and hugged him, and smooched his chin. Kazunari hummed and kissed Fumi on his forehead, pulled him better to his embrace. Only now did he realize how much he had already missed to have the boy right in his arms after watching him to be on Taiga’s for few hours. Fumi gave him a smile, and he smiled right back, nuzzled his nose with the tip of his own nose.

 

“I’m going to help Kuroko with the dishes,” Taiga said.

 

“Alright.” Kazunari glanced up at the man and gave him a lopsided smile, then concentrated right back on Fumi and tickled his chin. The boy squirmed a bit and giggled. Kazunari kissed Fumi’s plump cheek. “Fumi-chan, what do you say if we have a sleepover uncles’ place tonight? We can sleep on the really soft bed in the guestroom, doesn’t that sound good?”

 

“Mm.”

 

Fumi pressed his face against his father’s chest and yawned, murmured something. Gently Kazunari worked his fingers through the boy’s hair and stroked the soft forehead, looked around in the empty room. With no one around, he felt hollow, and his chest tightened. He heaved out a sigh and rested his cheek lightly against the top of Fumi’s head, held the boy tight. This wasn’t how he wanted to spend his evenings at all; he wanted to be filled in warmth of a home with Shintaro by his side, and he hated the fact that he kept having such naïve fantasies. Kazunari squeezed his eyes shut and told himself not to cry. It barely worked.

 

By the time Fumi started to let out quiet groans and sniffles and seemed to be dead asleep, with care Kazunari got up and dreamed of slumping down on a bed. He tiptoed towards the kitchen and parted his lips to announce their retreat to the bedroom, but pressed his mouth shut and stopped on the doorframe. Taiga and Tetsuya were completely in their own world, Tetsuya safely in his partner’s embrace, and Taiga kept kissing the smaller man’s nape. Kazunari’s heart stung; _that_ was exactly what he wanted in his life, too. The men exchanged soft murmurs, and Tetsuya had perhaps the happiest smile on his lips that Kazunari had ever seen.

 

Not able to watch any longer, Kazunari cleared his throat and startled both of them. Immediately Tetsuya looked guilty and nudged Taiga farther away.

 

“We’re going to bed,” Kazunari whispered and nodded towards Fumi. “Is it really alright that we stay here tonight? Kagami?”

 

“Dude, perfectly fine. Should I change the sheets for you two or something?”

 

“I think we can handle it for tonight, thanks.” Kazunari turned around but stopped, glanced at the men over his shoulder and offered a lopsided grin. “Don’t refrain yourself from anything for the sake of us, alright? We’ll sleep like logs in few minutes.”

 

Tetsuya smiled. “I will make something good for breakfast when you wake up. If you need anything, let me know.”

 

“Got it, g’night.”

 

Somehow Kazunari was relieved to be able to hurry to the guest room; the atmosphere in the kitchen had certainly belonged to a lovey-dovey couple, and it was something that he wanted to avoid for at least the next twenty years. He sighed and placed the lightly snoring Fumi on the bed, worked himself out of his clothes and eased himself under the blankets right next to the little boy. The room was barely dark, but the soft mattress made his eyelids feel heavier by the second. He muffled a yawn to a pillow and kept his gaze fixed on Fumi. If he didn’t have his son, he honestly wouldn’t know what he would do. He stroked the bridge of Fumi’s nose and smiled. He was lucky to have such a bright and sunny boy as his son… Leaning closer, he gave one final kiss to the smooth forehead and closed his eyes.

 

Sleep didn’t find him at all. He tossed and turned, thought of Shintaro and then more of Shintaro. Soon Kazunari gave up and rolled on his back, stared at the ceiling and fiddled the blanket. It was getting ridiculous; all he was able to think was how badly he wanted to be in the apartment next door, cuddling in Shintaro’s arms while the boys would be asleep behind the wall. He groaned and tried to erase all the images of the other man, and failed immediately. He covered his eyes with his forearm to prevent the sneaky tears from making his cheeks sticky, but he sniffed anyway.

 

Little by little he started to hear moans coming from the bedroom right next to the guest room. The walls had always been thin in their place, and it certainly wasn’t the first time Kazunari heard them have sex, but it _was_ the first in ages for him to hear Tetsuya be so loud. He glanced at the wall from the corner of his eye and hummed, and somehow found himself listening the soft groans. How did they manage to keep up such passion after dating each other for so long? He would have loved to know the answer and apply it to his own life. He knew this sort of a thing was bound to happen, _of course it was_ , since Taiga wouldn’t come home for months again. Rolling on his side, he made sure that Fumi stayed deeply asleep and swallowed hard.

 

He startled out of his thoughts when Nigou suddenly barked and whined. Thinking of snatching the good guy medal, Kazunari immediately jumped up on his feet and coaxed the Husky to settle on the foot of the bed. Nigou was happy, and it seemed it hadn’t interrupted the love-making behind the wall, which made Kazunari want to pat himself on the back. He had at least done the right thing on one occasion, and it was good enough for now.

 

Nigou shuffled closer and rest his head on Kazunari’s knee. Kazunari stretched to pet the Husky and got a response of drooling as a gratitude. The moans echoed steadily in the background, and he was able to faintly recognize Tetsuya groaning Taiga’s name.

 

“I bet they don’t let you sleep on the bed,” Kazunari mumbled to Nigou. The dog let out a quiet whine and pressed his head better against the man’s knee. “Don’t worry, you can stay here for tonight… We better not disturb them, right? We’ll have to keep it a secret from them, though…”

 

He kept doubting whether this was really the place where he was supposed to be at the moment, and wondered what was possibly going through Shintaro’s mind at the moment. Was Shintaro regretting his decision or being happy that it had been done? What if the man had tried to get a hold of him when he hadn’t been home the entire day? Kazunari huffed and shut his eyes, pressed his face to the pillow. There was no use thinking about any of it, he was never going to get an answer anyway! The bed felt ridiculously empty even with a dog and a child by his side. With the passionate moans echoing through the wall, Kazunari did his very best to fall asleep and forget absolutely everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for your kudos and comments, they really make me so happy ( ´ ▽ ` )ﾉ


	15. Chapter 15

Kazunari woke up from a drool-stained pillow. He inhaled sharply through his nose and lifted his chin a little, but pressed his face right back to the softness. His eyes ached and his head pounded, and he _really_ didn’t want to wake up quite yet. Hugging the blanket he had mostly stole to himself, he let out a groan and rubbed his forehead. Surely it was another day with new possibilities, but he wasn’t ready yet. He only wanted to lull in the safety of a foreign bed and forget himself there.

 

However, knowing fully well it wasn’t possible, he cracked his eyes opened and found himself alone with no dog or kid by his side. He forced himself to sit up and looked around with sleep still nestling in his eyes. There was no sign of anyone, just the sunshine filtering through the curtains kept him company. Kazunari sighed and slumped back on the bed, stared at the ceiling and scratched his abdomen. He had no idea what time was, but he knew he’d had to get up any second now. Still, he made sure to roll around the bed as much as he could before he threw his legs over the edge and pushed himself up.

 

He shook and stumbled, his clothes wrinkled from the night slept in them. He swung the door open and thought of wandering to the kitchen, but froze right on the doorstep. At the front door stood Tetsuya and Taiga, hugging each other, Tetsuya wearing nothing but the other man’s jersey that was few sizes too big for him. They exchanged quiet words, tighter hugs and gentle kisses, and Kazunari knew he had just walked in on something extremely intimate. He wanted to get away without bothering the two of them, but as soon as he took his first step, the men startled out of their little bubble. Kazunari cursed in his mind and watched Tetsuya step back but entwined his fingers to Taiga’s.

 

“Sorry,” Kazunari said. “I’ll, uh, go to the kitchen and give you some privacy…”

 

“It’s alright, I was just leaving.” Taiga grinned, but it looked rather sad. He ruffled Tetsuya’s hair and leaned in, kissed his cheek and whispered something in his ear that made a rare blush rise to Tetsuya’s cheek. Taiga pulled back and looked at Kazunari. “You two take care of each other while I’m gone, alright?”

 

Kazunari made a promise and sluggishly walked beside Tetsuya, and together with his friend watched Taiga grab his bags and suitcase. He still felt rather bad, ruining such a moment for the two of them, and the feeling only grew stronger when he saw the loving way Taiga looked at Tetsuya. The men shared a brief kiss together, and just like that Taiga was gone again for months. Kazunari rubbed his neck and from the corner of his eye examined Tetsuya tiptoe and sway in his spot, fiddle the hem of the jersey. Tetsuya rubbed his eyes but when he looked up at Kazunari, there wasn’t even a single trace of tears in the blue eyes.

 

“Is it alright not to go to the airport with him?” Kazunari hesitantly asked.

 

Tetsuya smiled gently to the front door and nodded. “Kagami-kun said it’ll only make him cry if I go there, so he rather has me stay here.”

 

“Mm…”

 

For a while they stood side by side in silence. Eventually Tetsuya said, “How about some breakfast? Fumi and I made pancakes when you were asleep.”

 

“Has he been awake for long?”

 

“Only an hour. He is watching cartoons in the living room with Nigou.” Tetsuya tilted his head and smiled, asked, “So how about some pancakes?”

 

“Count me in.”

 

The pancakes were totally different from the ones he made – they were a lot better, that was, and not burnt at all. He took large bites, but swallowing them down was problematic under Tetsuya’s watchful eyes. Kazunari tried nonetheless, and when his friend gave him a sweet smile, he smiled back with his mouth full of the pancake. Tetsuya’s lips twitched ever so slightly.

 

“How are you feeling?” Tetsuya asked.

 

“I’m doing actually really fine.” It was a harmless little white lie, and it seemed that Tetsuya swallowed it. Kazunari harpooned one piece of pancake and shoved it in his mouth, continued with a bit more honesty, “Thanks for letting us stay here the night, I don’t think I could have survived home alone.”

 

“Anything for Takao-kun.”

 

Kazunari smiled wider and continued to eat in silence, did it faster now that Tetsuya averted his gaze. The clock on the wall sounded louder than ever, but it was comfortable. Tetsuya had really always been a person who didn’t say anything useless, and Kazunari had found comfort in the behavior so many times over the years. Pout curled to his lips when he sliced the final golden-brown treat.

 

“Are _you_ going to be okay now that Kagami’s gone again?” he asked.

 

Tetsuya smiled. “I will. He promised to come back on Christmas, and I know Kagami-kun will do fine. It is his work, after all.”

 

“True, true… Can I have seconds?”

 

“Of course.”

 

The sight of another full plate made Kazunari’s stomach happier than ever. This time he didn’t rush but took his time, chewed properly like he had taught Fumi so many times, and concentrated on the happy thoughts that kept him sane at the moment. Over and over again he ignored the tiny ache right on the spot of his heart, and pushed the thoughts that made his chest sting like so far away.

 

“I’m going to take Fumi-chan and Nigou to the park, if that is alright with Takao-kun,” Tetsuya said out of the blue.

 

“Aw, that sounds great. When are we leaving?”

 

“Takao-kun isn’t coming along.”

 

Kazunari frowned. “Why not?”

 

“Because I called Midorima-kun and he will come here to talk with Takao-kun.”

 

“You _what_?!”

 

“I called Midorima-kun,” Tetsuya patiently repeated. “He should be here in fifteen minutes… I called him and he sounded very eager to meet you.”

 

“Why did you do that?!” Kazunari’s heart pounded hard and made his temples ache. He stared at Tetsuya and felt his palms turn sweaty. Inhaling sharply, breathing didn’t come naturally to him anymore, instead, he huffed and try to keep himself calm. “I swear to god… Tell me you’re just kidding!”

 

“I am not joking.” A light frown rose to Tetsuya’s face. “The apartment will be empty, it is a good time for Midorima-kun and Takao-kun to talk about things.”

 

“I don’t want to talk about things with him!”

 

Tetsuya parted his lips for a response but got interrupted when Fumi suddenly ran to the kitchen, looking as energetic as ever. The small boy was all smiles as he stopped next to his father and jumped up and down, held his hands towards Kazunari.

 

“Dada, dada!” shrieked Fumi. “Kiss to Fumi, kiss! Kiss, kiss!”

 

As shocked as Kazunari was from Tetsuya’s little surprise, he pushed a smile on his lips and leaned towards Fumi, kissed his son’s forehead and made him squeal from joy; Fumi sounded like a little chipmunk. Kazunari ruffled Fumi’s hair and wanted to pick him up on his lap, but the boy dashed away just like that. The man pouted.

 

“You know, Midorima-kun really sounded like he wanted to talk with you,” Tetsuya said.

 

Kazunari hesitated. His heart thudded harder than he wanted it to, and slowly he turned to look at his friend again. “Really?”

 

“Yes. Takao-kun will give him a chance, right?”

 

All of him wanted to scream _no_ and save himself from further heartache that was surely going to come. His stomach knotted, and the back of his head pounded from the mere thought that soon Shintaro might sat across the table on Tetsuya’s place. Thinking of it, Kazunari knew there was only one thing he wanted to do in the situation, and that was to agree to it. He pushed himself up on his feet and let out a growl of, “Shit!”

 

With desperation he rushed to the bathroom – if he was going to a battle, he at least wanted to let Shintaro believe that he hadn’t spent half a day crying like a child. He rubbed his eyes with cold water and swallowed hard, mentally went through all the sentences that he wanted to tell Shintaro face to face. Should he apologize? _Only if he does, too._ Should he beg Shintaro to continue a romantic relationship with him? _Too desperate…_ Kazunari glanced up and stared at his exhausted reflection, poked the dark circles around his eyes and gave up. No matter what he was going to do, his eyes would give away his crying within seconds.

 

Eventually he dragged himself back to the kitchen, only to find both Tetsuya and Fumi fully dressed and looking more than ready to leave. A lump rose to his throat, but it eased a bit as he picked Fumi up in his arms and heard the boy giggle. He gave a glare to Tetsuya who merely smiled and looked smugger than he had ever seen him before. Kazunari mouthed ‘I hate you’, but the gentle expression remained on his friend’s face. Part of him wished he could cancel it all because he didn’t know at all how he was going to react in Shintaro’s presence. Another part, however, looked forward to it.

 

The doorbell rang, and he froze. He found no strength to follow Tetsuya’s footsteps towards the front door, and so he stayed put in the middle of the kitchen with struggling Fumi in his arms. The door was opened and he heard Shintaro’s voice, _that is really him_ , and the pit of his stomach tightened. _He really came_ , Kazunari thought and frowned, knew very well that within few seconds he was expected to go there and see Shintaro face to face. _I don’t want to_ , no, that wasn’t quite right, _I really want to_ , he thought. His feet didn’t move an inch, though.

 

“Fumi-chan,” Tetsuya called from the hallway. “Haru-chan is here, should we go to the park?”

 

“Haru-chan!” Fumi let out a happy cry and struggled even harder in his father’s arms with brightness on his face. “Haru-chan, Haru-chan! Dada, Haru-chan!”

 

“Alright, alright,” Kazunari mumbled under his breath. He inhaled sharply and told himself he could do it, and with deep hesitation engraved to his skin he trailed behind Tetsuya’s steps that the man had taken a while ago.

 

His core trembled violently as soon as his gaze locked to Shintaro. Kazunari froze to his spot but managed to let Fumi down, yet continued shuddering. Although he hated to admit it, Shintaro looked _good_ , even better than usually, as if he had invested in his looks just for this occasion. _You wish_ , Kazunari told himself and swallowed hard. He thought of the way they had parted on the staircase right in the middle of their apartments and felt his heart sting. The mere sight of Shintaro made him want to fall on his knees, but he managed to keep himself up. Shintaro didn’t smile, but there was some softness in the corners of his lips that made Kazunari lightheaded. He inhaled sharply through his nose and tightened his hands to fists.

 

“We will leave,” Tetsuya said. “Haru-chan, do you want to walk Nigou?”

 

“Yes, please!”

 

With ease the party of three and a dog left the apartment and the men alone. The silence was heavy, embarrassing, but Kazunari found no way to fill it up. Now that Shintaro was in front of him, he wanted to slap him, punch him and then kiss him. His stomach gathered bile, and he averted his gaze, tried not to show how much he was shaking. He felt Shintaro’s gaze on him, burning a hole on him, but he didn’t glance up anymore. Instead, he forced his lips to curl to a smile.

 

“Want some pancakes? Tetsuya made them with Fumi.”

 

“Sure.”

 

Shintaro’s voice sounded hoarser than Kazunari remembered. It made his knees weak and his heart flutter, but he pulled himself together and rushed to the kitchen with Shintaro trailing right behind him. He hustled around the cupboards, felt his pulse on his back and wanted not to feel like a teenager in front of his first love. Even without looking he knew Shintaro was looking at his back, but he found no courage to glance over his shoulder. His hands trembled as he handed a plate full of pancakes, and he settled himself against the counter, facing away from Shintaro. He would have preferred if the man had come looking like a mess; instead, he looked sexy with a sweater glued to his tall figure. Kazunari rubbed his eyes and wished that the swelling would magically disappear.

 

Silence. _Please say something_ , Kazunari begged and gripped the edge of the counter, _this is making me crazy._

 

“I have been thinking about what you said,” Shintaro suddenly said.

 

_Abort mission_ , thought Kazunari and felt panic creep to his chest, _don’t say anything_. He let out a carefully thought laughter and did the effort to move his chin a bit towards Shintaro. However, he didn’t dare to glance at the man. “I’ve said a lot of things.”

 

“I’m talking about the fact that you said we deserve to be happy, too.” Shintaro sounded hesitant.

 

Kazunari felt like his heart dropped near his knees. He huffed and stared at the cupboard in front of him, examined the swirls and circles that the wood made on its surface and tightened his grasp from the counter. His knuckles turned white and the sharp edge hurt his palm, but he didn’t let go. What was he supposed to say to that? He moistened his lips and parted them, but his mind was empty. He hung his head low and squeezed his eyes shut.

 

Eventually he blurted out, “What about it?”

 

“I think… I made a mistake.” Shintaro sighed and added, “Can you come and sit down so we can talk properly about this?”

 

Kazunari gritted his teeth and felt like a kid getting scolded but obeyed nonetheless, took a seat across Shintaro and sneaked a peek towards the man. His gaze met with the green eyes that made him lose breath, and quickly he looked down at his lap. He heard his pulse in the root of his ear, it went wild and made it difficult to focus on anything else. Clearing his throat, he grasped the fabric over his thigh and squeezed hard.

 

Out of the blue Shintaro reached his arm over the table and brought his fingers dangerously close to Kazunari. The motion made Kazunari startle, and he stared at the slenderness of the hand that had caught his attention from the very first moment. As much as he wanted to touch Shintaro, he kept his own hands safely in his lap, not willing to take a single risk. He was still rather sure that this discussion was going to end up breaking his heart; he bit his bottom lip and mustered all his courage to stare at Shintaro.

 

“I think you’re right,” Shintaro began and slowly pulled his hand away. “We all deserve to be happy, even if we are fathers or—“

 

“Wait! Wait, wait,” Kazunari interrupted. He breathed heavily and swallowed, cursed in his mind and felt flustered. He swayed his hand in the air to buy himself more time – he had no idea what he was planning to say himself. “Uh… I… Just want to apologize. Yeah, I want to apologize. I don’t blame you, alright, I overreacted and, uh, you made the right decision… Yeah.”

 

“I regret that decision,” said Shintaro with a surprisingly gentle voice.

 

Kazunari trembled. He buried his face to his palms and yanked his hair, shook his head. “No… Please don’t do this to me, Shintaro, let’s just both apologize and move on…”

 

“Kazunari.” Shintaro sounded impatient. “Will you let me explain?”

 

“Sorry.”

 

“It has always been only Haru and I… And I think we’ve both gotten accustomed to the situation.” Shintaro rubbed his chin and averted his gaze. “And I’ve never even looked at anyone’s direction after my wife died…”

 

“Mm.” Kazunari’s heart ached.

 

Shintaro glanced up and pushed the glasses better to the bridge of his nose, cleared his throat. “Then you came and, well… I think Haru is afraid that somehow I don’t want him any longer because as his father I was suddenly paying more attention to, um… the uncle next door.”

 

“I see.” This didn’t sound half bad. Kazunari’s heart skipped odd beats, and much as he wanted to become hopeful, he didn’t dare to. He fixed his gaze on Shintaro’s fingers and hoped that they would slide across the table once more so he could squeeze them. They didn’t.

 

“Things have happened very fast… Haru wasn’t ready for it, and if I’m being honest… _I_ wasn’t ready for it, either. I was so used to being alone and not feeling… like I feel now, and out of the blue you came along and—“

 

“Completely messed up your pace,” Kazunari mumbled under his breath.

 

Shintaro sighed softly. “Yes, you completely messed up my pace.”

 

“H-Hey!”

 

“Someone would have eventually done it,” Shintaro said. “I got scared. You’re very different from what I’m used to, you’re energetic and we raise our children a little differently, but I fell for you nonetheless.”

 

“You did?” Kazunari whimpered.

 

“Yes.”

 

Kazunari swallowed hard. Was he dreaming? He pinched himself and had to admit that he was very much awake. He rubbed the reddening spot on his forearm and frowned, tried to think of suitable words. So Shintaro was in love with him and vice versa – the mere thought made him rather nervous. He drummed his feet to the floor and bit his lip, glanced at Shintaro every now and then. The silence was heavy but no longer awkward; he thought he saw a hint of a smile curling on the man’s lips but wasn’t sure.

 

“S-So…” he stammered.

 

“So I apologize for what I said.” Shintaro fixed his gaze on Kazunari. “I regret how I handled it in the midst of my cowardliness… If I messed this up now, I know I’ll regret it possibly for the rest of my life.”

 

“Regret?” Kazunari repeated. When Shintaro nodded, he felt a glow rise to his cheeks. “You mean… You want us, you know… To continue?”

 

“Wasn’t that obvious?”

 

“It wasn’t obvious at all!”

 

Kazunari heaved out a sigh and pushed himself up, and under Shintaro’s watchful eyes circled the table and took a seat next to the man. He sucked his bottom lip and tried to organize his jumbled thoughts, thought about reaching his hand towards Shintaro and entwine his fingers to his, but in the end kept his hands firmly in his lap. Narrowing his eyes, he stared at his thighs and rolled his stiff shoulders.

 

“I’m such an idiot,” he eventually breathed.

 

Shintaro merely frowned.

 

“I’m just going to say what I said few days ago.” Kazunari took a deep breath and continued, “We can do this together. If this is _really_ what you want, we can explain to Haru together, Fumi will be a piece of cake… I don’t want to take anyone’s place here, alright? I’m just really, uh, really, I just want us to support each other—“

 

“You’re talking a bit too fast,” Shintaro interrupted.

 

_Shit._ Kazunari rubbed his nape and let out a shaky laughter. “Sorry. This is just too good to be true, you actually liking me back… I have a really bad record of past relationships.”

 

“Mm.” The chair screeched as Shintaro inched himself closer to the other man. “I rather like the idea of supporting each other.”

 

Kazunari’s heart skipped and then beat loud as hell. His mouth dropped open, and it took all his strength to actually remember to press his lips back together. A pleasant heat rose within his core, and slowly a lopsided smile curled his mouth. He pressed his knee against Shintaro’s and hesitated. Was it _really_ this easy, this effortless? He gathered his courage and squeezed Shintaro’s knee, let his fingers on the roundness and actually made the other man smile. The sight made his chest warm up.

 

“Do you want us to be together?” he asked.

 

“Yes. If you still have me, that is.”

 

Kazunari looked down at his fingers and hesitated. “Can I be honest with you?”

 

“Of course.”

 

“I’m a little scared.” He startled as Shintaro held his hand all of a sudden, but looked at the man with a soft expression straight afterwards. “You’re a straight man, and I think it’s actually because of _me_ that all my relationships have failed… And you’re the first guy in forever that I really love this much, and I don’t want to ruin this.”

 

“Wouldn’t you try it out with me?”

 

Kazunari took a sharp inhale and felt a flush crawl to his ears; he couldn’t believe how bold Shintaro was being. He huffed and couldn’t understand where Shintaro had learned such cute things, but nodded anyway and agreed to do exactly that. As soon as Shintaro gently brushed his knuckles, a weight lifted from Kazunari’s chest, and he felt rather silly for being a little drama queen few days backwards. He fixed his eyes on his lap and couldn’t help his wide smile that spread on his face and which told exactly how he was feeling. When he glanced up, Shintaro leaned closer and surprised him by giving him a kiss.

 

Shintaro’s lips were something that Kazunari had greatly missed. His brows crunched, and he let out a groan, cupped Shintaro’s face to his palms and answered the kiss just as softly as it was given. He simply _knew_ that this was the man that he wanted to keep. He wondered whether it was _finally_ okay to think about the silly fantasies of a family of four, and the thought made his heart speed up. Parting his lips, he indulged Shintaro to an even deeper kiss and felt the man respond with a lot of eagerness.

 

Shintaro hummed when Kazunari worked his way to his lap and straddled him. His lips curled. “You are a bit heavy.”

 

“Do you mind?” Kazunari’s eyes glimmered.

 

Shintaro rolled his eyes but said, “Not really.”

 

“Knew it.”

 

Kazunari pecked Shintaro’s lips and licked the bottom one, nipped it and made Shintaro shudder. A smirk rose to his lips and pushed his groin better against the other’s, grabbed the back of the chair and leaned closer. They shared several kisses, both slow and fast, gentle and eager, and not even in his wildest dreams would have Kazunari thought that the situation would turn this upside down so soon. He complained none, though.

 

He wrapped his arms around Shintaro’s neck and pulled him closer, gave him a kiss filled with wildly dancing tongues. Grunting, he felt heat settle to his abdomen and wanted to release it as quickly as possible; he rubbed his crotch against Shintaro’s stomach and shuddered.

 

“Hey…” he murmured against Shintaro’s lips and pecked them, pulled a little back. His hair was stroked behind his ear with a gentle manner, and he couldn’t help but smooch Shintaro again. “What did Tetsuya tell you when he called you?”

 

“He said you’ve been crying a lot.” A brief smile visited Shintaro’s lips, and he rested his hands on Kazunari’s thighs. “And if I don’t come here as soon as I can, something bad is going to happen to me.”

 

Kazunari snickered and pressed his forehead against Shintaro’s. He liked to think that the man had turned frantic afterwards but the image didn’t quite suit to the one he already had about Shintaro. The main thing was, however, that Shintaro _had_ come, rather quickly he supposed, and the thought alone was able to make him smirk widely. Kazunari nuzzled Shintaro’s nose and huffed out a chuckle, pecked the moist lips and turned the peck to another deep kiss. Shintaro grunted, and Kazunari loved the fact that he was the one making the man sound like that.

 

It was hard to hold himself back, so he didn’t even properly try. Instead, he pressed his palm on Shintaro’s groin and rubbed the bulge that grew ever so slightly under his palm. Kazunari leaned in and kissed the root of Shintaro’s ear, trailed his lips lower and sucked a hickey on the beautifully long neck. He kneaded the man’s crotch and examined the shape of it with his fingertips; it made Shintaro shudder and let out a string of loud grunts.

 

Out of the blue his wrist was grabbed, and Kazunari glanced up at Shintaro with a frown.

 

“Here?” Shintaro managed to muster out and glanced around.

 

Kazunari followed Shintaro’s gaze. “What’s wrong with here?”

 

“This is someone else’s kitchen.”

 

“I don’t mind at all.” He still slid his hand to a safer spot on Shintaro’s waist and smiled gently, tilted his head. “But we can move to the guest room or not do anything, as long as you’re comfortable.”

 

They looked each other until Shintaro looked more than flustered. He cleared his throat and parted his lips, averted his gaze and looked around again. Kazunari sneaked his fingers under the man’s shirt and brushed the smooth skin right above the pants’ waistline, didn’t even mean to arouse Shintaro with his touch. Still he was pulled to a sudden kiss, and Shintaro took a hold of his hips.

 

“Here is fine,” Shintaro eventually mumbled under his breath.

 

_You’re the cutest_ , Kazunari wanted to say but his mouth stayed occupied. With ease he slipped his hand inside Shintaro’s pants and gave no second thoughts as he curled his fingers around the man’s cock. Shintaro spasmed and hummed against Kazunari’s lips, and pressed their noses so tight against each other that it hurt. A concentrated frown wrinkled Kazunari’s forehead, and he glanced down at Shintaro’s groin where his hand worked furiously. He rubbed his thumb over the tip of the hardening cock and moistened his lips. His legs twitched, and he settled himself better on Shintaro’s lap.

 

He only heard both of their breaths that mingled together, until he let out a loud moan when Shintaro shoved his hand to his pants. Kazunari bit his bottom lip and jerked, pressed his forehead against the man’s shoulder and grunted. The hand wasn’t as clumsy as it had been the first time, and it felt ridiculously good even when Shintaro didn’t know all his good spots. His cock twitched in the warmth of Shintaro’s palm, and he trailed his nose against the roundness of the other man’s shoulder, pushed his hips higher.

 

Another grunt escaped him when he fixed his gaze on the crotches and saw both of their hands’ movements in each other’s pants. He swallowed and let out a shivery breath, felt heat invade his abdomen and shuddered. Hastily he sucked another hickey on Shintaro’s neck. His hips spasmed again, and he licked his lips.

 

“I want to rub mine against yours,” he murmured.

 

Before Shintaro was even able to respond, Kazunari lifted his hips high enough to wiggle his pants lower and forced Shintaro’s as well. He settled himself back on the now naked lap and grinned to the lewd sight of their shafts, both erect, both looking more than desperate. He glanced up into Shintaro’s eyes and pressed his cock against his, wrapped his fingers around both of them. Shintaro inhaled sharply, and so did he. He loved the sight of Shintaro’s eyes that barely managed to keep open behind the glasses and the parted lips that he wanted to kiss over and over again. Instead of doing so, he leaned his head back against Shintaro’s shoulder and felt pleasant shivers pierce his spine to the rhythm of his rapidly moving hand.

 

He cried out when Shintaro suddenly kissed his earlobe. It wasn’t just a single kiss, it was a string of them along with gentle nips and tucks, moistened with saliva. Kazunari squeezed his eyes shut and moved his hips, pressed his erection even harder against Shintaro’s. He couldn’t believe that Shintaro had remembered what his sensitive spot was, and he _really_ couldn’t believe that Shintaro was exploring the pinna with the very tip of his tongue.

 

“Does it feel good?” Shintaro asked, out of breath.

 

“Mmhm,” Kazunari whined. “So good…”

 

He moved his hand faster and harder, and felt Shintaro’s palm brush over his knuckles. Their breaths entwined and created a total chaos, and Kazunari stretched his neck to drown Shintaro to several desperate kisses. His breath hitched, and he squeezed their dicks harder, rubbed them against each other. Heat crawled right underneath his skin and made him dizzy, and he loved every single second of it. He wanted more, he wanted to be connected _better_ , he wanted Shintaro’s throbbing and twitching hardness inside him right _now._

 

“Inside me…” he muttered. “Put your cock in me… H-Hurry…”

 

Eagerly Shintaro nodded and brought his hands to Kazunari’s bottom. Kazunari trembled and bit his bottom lip, felt the slender fingers near his entrance and begged for it to happen. Too soon it was ruined, however, when the front door slammed loudly open, and both of the men got shocked. Kazunari’s heart stopped for a single second and then sped up, and he hurried to cover their cocks with his hands. The giggles of the boys echoed to the kitchen, and Kazunari’s insides turned upside down.

 

“Tetsuya!” he hurried to shout. “Please… Can you walk another block?”

 

“Oh… Sure, Takao-kun.” Tetsuya sounded almost amused. “Boys, I think Nigou told me that he still wants to walk… Will Haru-chan and Fumi-chan be able to walk a little bit more?”

 

The boys screamed in a happy manner, so it seemed, and just as quickly as the door had been opened, it was closed. Kazunari heaved out a sigh of relief and pressed his forehead against Shintaro’s neck, shook from laughter. Even Shintaro let out a huff that resembled very much of a chuckle and leaned his chin against Kazunari’s head, held him close.

 

“I think I stopped breathing for a moment,” Shintaro quietly admitted.

 

“Me too.” Kazunari grinned and kissed Shintaro’s neck, trailed his lips higher and smooched the man’s delicate jawline. “You feel like continuing…?”

 

“Mm.”

 

“Then we gotta hurry.”

 

As much as he wanted Shintaro inside him, he knew there was no time for that; walking around the block was surely only going to take few funny minutes. He huffed and sank his teeth to Shintaro’s neck, nipped and bit the skin and wrapped his fingers back around their cocks. Shintaro did the same, and soon Kazunari sneaked his hand over Shintaro’s. His dick twitched and his hips spasmed, and he muffled a moan to the man’s neck. Shintaro sucked his ear with surprising intensity, and the noises Kazunari made reached another level of loudness. He was more than glad that the boys weren’t here to listen.

 

Pre-cum slickened his fingers and made a dirty noise that formed a tight, hot knot to the pit of Kazunari’s abdomen. He glanced down and parted his lips, examined the glistening drops of pre-cum on the very tip of Shintaro’s cock and wanted to suck the hardness. Quietly he cried out and moved his hips to the rhythm of their hands, his cock twitching wildly, his abdomen tightening. Shintaro kissed his earlobe, moistened it with his saliva and nipped it. Kazunari squeezed his eyes shut and nuzzled Shintaro’s jawline, took in the man’s scent and felt lightheaded.

 

Without a warning he came and shuddered. His moans didn’t stop, but under his breath he managed to beg Shintaro to stop moving his hand; the stimulation ran like an electric current under his skin and settled to the bottom of his spine. Shintaro kept going, letting out grunts, and Kazunari grabbed the man’s cock and rubbed the glans. The world spun around him as he pressed his forehead against Shintaro’s shoulder and whimpered, when the other man trembled underneath him. The pleasure erupted on his fingers, and Shintaro breathed heavily.

 

Kazunari moistened his lips and stayed still, was in no hurry to get up and clean himself although he knew he was _actually_ in a hurry. He trailed the tip of his nose against the bone of Shintaro’s shoulder and breathed deep, wanted to stay like this at least for a small eternity. Shintaro wrapped his arms around his body and held him close, and Kazunari felt like a loved ragdoll.

 

He pulled a little back and gave a soft smile to Shintaro along with a kiss that lingered. Afterwards he pressed his nose against Shintaro’s and felt the man’s warm breath tickle his face. Kazunari counted in his head how many more precious minutes and seconds they were able to stay like this, and the outcome was too little. He wrapped his arms around Shintaro’s neck and swallowed, his breath still stuck in his throat. He rubbed his nose to the man’s.

 

“What happens now?” he asked.

 

“We should probably get dressed,” said Shintaro. “And then make sure nothing looks like we—“

 

Kazunari pinched the man’s nose and made him yelp. He tilted his head and rubbed the spot that got red little by little. “I meant this situation between you and me. What are we going to do now?”

 

Shintaro’s expression softened. “I’ll find a proper moment to talk about all of this with Haru, and when that time comes, I hope you and Fumi will join us.”

 

“And if Haru doesn’t want it?”

 

Kazunari was sure that desperation shone in his eyes. He fidgeted in Shintaro’s lap and knew that he should get up and properly dress up to avoid getting caught by the boys, but he didn’t find an urge to peel himself away from the man before hearing an answer. He stared into Shintaro’s eyes and frowned, and as fear settled to his core, Shintaro stroked his hair behind his ear and made him startle.

 

“I’m not going to abandon you,” Shintaro said. “That is what you’re afraid, right?”

 

“Yeah.” Kazunari trailed his bottom lip with the tip of his tongue and hugged Shintaro, pressed his cheek against the man’s shoulder. “But I’m not asking you to put me in first place or anything…”

 

“I’ll support you no matter what. That is the kind of a man I am.”

 

A smile brightened Kazunari’s expression. He glanced up at Shintaro and let out a chuckle after seeing the man’s serious face; Shintaro _really_ meant it, didn’t he? Kazunari worked his fingers through the softness of other’s hair, and his lips curled higher.

 

“You’re such a hopeless romantic,” he said.

 

Shintaro flustered, and his cheeks glowed. He cleared his throat and shook his head, insisted, “I’m not.”

 

“Yeah, yeah, nothing you say will convince me otherwise.” Kazunari pecked the moist lips. “But I really like it.”

 

Although Shintaro rolled his eyes, his expression remained soft. They shared a kiss gentler than before and embraced each other for the moment it lasted. Eventually the front door opened again, but by then both were fully clothed and peeled away from each other. Even with both fathers getting hugged by their sons, they sneaked glances towards each other, and Kazunari offered a grin to Shintaro every now and then. He had a strong feeling that maybe – just maybe – things might go alright after all, and he put all his hope on the thought.


	16. Chapter 16

Kazunari juggled a heavy grocery bag on one arm and Fumi on the other. The little boy was almost annoyingly energetic, coming straight from kindergarten, hanging on his father’s embrace and singing a cartoon song. Kazunari heaved out a sigh and tried to calm Fumi down but failed miserably. The apples he had bought tipped dangerously on the very edge of the bag, and he feared of making a total mess of the staircase. He groaned and tightened his grasp from both of his belongings.

 

“Fumi, would you take the keys from daddy’s pocket?” he coaxed.

 

“No!”

 

“C’mon, Fumi-chan… We can go to home sooner, we can’t get inside without the keys! Fumi-chan…”

 

“Don’t want.”

 

Kazunari let out a frustrated huff. Was this where the stage of Fumi saying _no_ to absolutely everything deepened? He wasn’t looking forward to it at all. Persuading the boy to stick his hand to his daddy’s pocket helped none, and eventually Fumi got more interested in showing his singing skills than anything else. Kazunari grunted and tried to hold the bag in a way that would free his hand, but it was no use. He wished he’d have an extra pair of hands; today wasn’t a day when he felt like doing this. He felt grumpy and tired and only wanted to get home to make dinner and take a long bath, nothing more. Wondering if it was too much to ask, Kazunari lifted Fumi better in his embrace and tried to retrieve the keys one more time.

 

“Oh, Kazunari!”

 

His heart skipped a beat, and the grocery bag nearly came falling down. Instantly, as if he was somehow conditioned to it, a smile rose to his lips and he swirled around, met with Shintaro’s gaze. He tried not to grin like a fool as Haru stood by his father’s side, but it was impossible for him to not wear his feelings on his face. Shintaro had such a soft expression, which made Kazunari’s heart go insane. It was hard to pretend not to be head over heels for the other man, but he tried nonetheless, and he should have been given a medal just for that.

 

“Good day,” he said as casually as possible.

 

Shintaro pointed towards his arms. “Let me help you.”

 

“Oh, no, no, it’s totally fine—“

 

“Would you go inside, Haru? I’ll be right behind you,” Shintaro said and opened the door to his son. 

 

Haru merely nodded and disappeared without a word. Once his son was inside, however, Shintaro seemingly relaxed and even held a smile on his lips. He took the steps separating them and stood in front of Kazunari, glanced at the bag and Fumi and held his arms out to both of them, clearly hesitating. Kazunari offered Fumi towards Shintaro who reached out for the bag, then tried to give the bag to Shintaro who moved his hands towards Fumi. He couldn’t help but laugh.

 

“Which one should I take?” asked Shintaro eventually.

 

“Take the bag,” Kazunari chuckled under his breath.

 

He was freed from the heaviness of the groceries, and silence fell over them. A gentle smile rose to his lips as he examined Shintaro. He felt like a teenager, having secret meetings in the staircase like this, but he was happy enough that he even got to see Shintaro altogether. Finally fishing the keys from his pocket, Kazunari startled when Shintaro – without a warning – leaned in and gave him a kiss, wrapped his free hand around his waist. The gesture made him melt, but he managed to stay on his feet. Shintaro’s breath felt warm against his face, and Kazunari stole another kiss from him.

 

“This probably isn’t a good idea,” he admitted and leaned against the wall, held the struggling Fumi in his arms. His smile widened when Shintaro settled in front of him and their bodies pressed against each other. Quietly he continued, “Haru might come back and see us like this.”

 

“I don’t mind.”

 

“That’s so bold of you.” He smirked. “I’ve missed you.”

 

Shintaro looked positively embarrassed. He adjusted his glasses and tightened his grip from the grocery bag, glanced behind his shoulder at his apartment’s door. Fixing his gaze back to Kazunari, he cleared his throat.

 

“Do you want to come over?”

 

Kazunari startled. He glanced at Fumi, who was getting a little nervous and fidgety, and hesitated. Eventually he pulled a smile back on his lips and said, “We’re getting a bit hungry, so it’s probably better that we go and make some dinner—“

 

“Please.”

 

Softly he sighed and looked at Shintaro. “It might not be a good idea for us to come there in these circumstances…”

 

“It is a good idea,” Shintaro insisted. “I think today’s the day.”

 

Kazunari froze, and his mouth dropped somewhat open. _The_ day? Was Shintaro being serious? For a week he had patiently waited for _the_ day – also known as the day Shintaro would finally tell Haru that their family of two was going to multiply –, but hadn’t even in his wildest dreams thoughts that it would happen so soon. He was at loss with his words that got stuck in his palate, and he trembled, nervousness suddenly overwhelming him. Shintaro should have told earlier! That way he could have dressed properly, not in his lousiest shirt that was covered in paint spots and showed the whole week’s menu on it. He looked at Fumi and knew that the boy was getting grumpy and hungry – a disastrous combo nonetheless.

 

His thoughts cleared when Shintaro chuckled all of a sudden.

 

“Don’t overthink.”

 

Kazunari laughed.

 

“I’m confident about this,” said Shintaro. “It will go alright, I promise. So would you two please come over?”

 

“Alright.” There was no way he could say _no_ to a face like Shintaro’s. Kazunari tightened his grasp from the grumpy kid. “But it better go well or it’ll be the last time I’m taking your offer!”

 

The confident-looking Shintaro was by far the sexiest he had ever seen. Kazunari bit his lip, and as uneasiness rooted to the very core of his body, he tiptoed behind Shintaro to the apartment that he had actually missed. The familiar scent of the Midorima household was soothing as were the warm colors splattered on the walls and the sounds of a whirring fridge and cartoons running on TV. A shadow of a smile rose to Kazunari’s lips, and obediently he followed Shintaro to the living room.

 

“Haru, would you please close the TV?” Shintaro said.

 

“But daddy—“

 

Haru’s words jumbled when he saw Kazunari. He whimpered and wordlessly closed the TV, looked down at his wiggling toes. The sight made Kazunari’s heart sting, and all of a sudden he wasn’t feeling sure of this at all. Shintaro, however, continued to look as confident as ever, and he took a seat on the couch and patted his lap.

 

“Come here, Haru.”

 

Still looking miserable, Haru climbed on his father’s lap and hugged him tight, clung to the front of his shirt and buried his face to Shintaro’s chest. Carefully Kazunari settled himself on the chair beside the couch and sat Fumi down on his lap. The silence in the living room was heavy, but he couldn’t help but weakly smile as he watched Shintaro stroke Haru’s hair with such gentleness. Kazunari drummed his feet to the floor and made Fumi bounce on his lap. The boy giggled.

 

“What do you think about uncle Kazunari and Fumi?” Shintaro finally asked with a soft voice.

 

Haru shrugged.

 

“You don’t know?”

 

Haru shook his head and pressed himself better against his father’s chest.

 

“It’s okay, don’t worry.” Shintaro kissed his son’s hair and glanced at Kazunari who smiled and nodded. He rubbed Haru’s back. “I want you to know that daddy loves you very much… You’ll always be number one in daddy’s heart no matter what.”

 

Carefully Haru glanced up. Kazunari couldn’t help but wonder what kind of an expression the boy had and wished he could have seen it, but thought it might have been the best like this. This way the father-son duo got to be in a tiny world of their own.

 

“You see… Daddy likes uncle Kazunari very much.” Shintaro stroked Haru’s hair. “And daddy wants to take care of uncle in the same way I take care of you.”

 

Kazunari listened the man’s words with his heart beating madly and heat rising to his cheeks. He squeezed Fumi to his embrace and pressed his chin in the midst of the dark hair, peeked towards Shintaro with a hint of a smile on his lips. Hearing such words coming from Shintaro seemed like a dream, and Kazunari found it hard to believe that he was hearing right. His palms turned a little sweaty, and he rubbed them against his thighs, tried to calm down but found his pulse beating in the root of his ear. A shivery breath escaped him.

 

“Do you think we could take care of uncle and Fumi together?” asked Shintaro and looked at his son with a smile, rubbed his cheek. “You’ll always be daddy’s number one, Haru, even if daddy likes uncle Kazunari.”

 

Haru said nothing but grasped the front of Shintaro’s shirt tighter.

 

“What do you say?”

 

It took a while, but eventually Haru shook his head. Kazunari’s heart dropped to his stomach, and a hard lump rose to his throat.

 

“No? You don’t want that?” Shintaro asked.

 

Haru shook his head again. _I knew it_ , thought Kazunari and wanted to pick himself up and leave, but his body had frozen to the spot. What had Shintaro been thinking? This wasn’t going to be a success in any way. He gritted his teeth and squeezed his eyes shut, huffed when Fumi rubbed his cheek all of a sudden. _God, just let me out of here_ , Kazunari begged but couldn’t say the words aloud. His chest throbbed. He couldn’t really feel his legs.

 

“Are you sure?” Shintaro still sounded calm and patient. He worked his fingers through Haru’s hair and tilted his head, looked very gentle but it was no wonder; he always did in his son’s presence, and Kazunari knew it was an expression solely reserved for Haru. “Wouldn’t it be nice? You’d have a playmate from Fumi, and you two could play together every day.”

 

Haru kept shaking his head.

 

No longer was Kazunari able to take it, and so he grabbed Fumi better and forced himself up on his feet. He sank straight back to the chair, however, after Shintaro gave him a look that simply pinned him on the spot. Swallowing, he heaved out a sigh and didn’t have the strength or the energy to tell Fumi to stop yanking his hair. His scalp prickled, but it was a pain that he rather focused instead of his aching heart.

 

“Is there a reason why you feel like that?” Shintaro asked and, as Haru shook his head once more, added, “You don’t want to say it? Why don’t you whisper it to me?”

 

The boy seemed to take the bait as he stretched his neck and whispered something to his father’s ear. Kazunari breathed sharply, felt like fainting any second now, and squeezed Fumi a bit too hard as the boy whimpered and hit his daddy on his arm. Kazunari mumbled a quiet ‘ouch’ under his breath and rubbed the spot that stung, stroked Fumi’s hair. He didn’t want to look at the father and son but didn’t know where else to fix his gaze, thus staring directly at Shintaro and Haru.

 

Abruptly Haru pulled back, and a smile curled Shintaro’s lips. Kazunari forgot to breathe when the man glanced up at him and then back at his son, pointed at him.

 

“Is it alright if I say it aloud?”

 

Shyly Haru nodded and buried his face to Shintaro’s chest.

 

“He doesn’t want to share his room.”

 

Out of disbelief Kazunari huffed. It lingered and turned into a laughter that he couldn’t stop no matter how hard he wanted to. His chest tightened once more, and the tension relaxed. He bit his bottom lip and tried to look as apologetic as he could when Shintaro looked at him, but it seemed like the man wasn’t angry. _He probably understands_.

 

“Haru-chan, we won’t move here so you shouldn’t worry at all,” Kazunari finally managed to say.

 

Shintaro frowned. “You’re not?”

 

“No.” Kazunari smiled gently and wanted to stroke Shintaro’s cheek; the man looked surprisingly disappointed. “We live across the hall after all, and we just moved in and got settled… We don’t want to move out yet, do we, Fumi-chan?”

 

“No!” Fumi happily said and wiggled his feet.

 

“I see,” said Shintaro.

 

Of course Kazunari wouldn’t _mind_ to move, but if it would be the most sensible solution for all parties, he found no reason to leave their apartment. He was willing to do anything as long as it meant that he could be together with Shintaro as a family.

 

“Haru-chan,” he gently called and got the boy’s gaze fixed on him. “Uncle and Fumi-chan like you very much, right, Fumi?”

 

“Mm.” Fumi nodded.

 

“And just like you and daddy, uncle and Fumi-chan are also alone with just the two of them… We want to take care of you two, too, because uncle likes your daddy very much. Wouldn’t it be nice if there was four of us instead of just two?”

 

Haru frowned and hesitantly looked up at his father. 

 

“You don’t have to feel pressured.” Shintaro stroked Haru’s hair. “Wouldn’t it be nice if there were two more people in our family? I’m sure uncle Kazunari would make pancakes for us every morning.”

 

“I like pancakes,” Haru finally said with a quiet voice. He glanced at the duo sitting on the chair and fiddled the hem of his father’s shirt. “I-I like Fumi-chan… A-And uncle is nice…”

 

Kazunari was ready to cry from pure happiness. This meant he was accepted just a little, right? He grinned wide enough for the bridge of his nose to wrinkle and snuggled Fumi. Maybe they could really become a family, the four of them – the thought made butterflies race around his stomach. Fumi struggled himself free from Kazunari’s grasp and ran to the couch, jumped up and down in front of Haru and screamed like a hyena.

 

“Haru-chan! Haru-chan, play car, play car!” Fumi yanked Haru from his shirt. “Haru-chan! Haru- _chaaaan_!”

 

A smile crossed Shintaro’s lips, and he kissed Haru’s forehead. “Why don’t you go play with Fumi a little? Show him the new toy car we bought.”

 

Although Haru still looked rather shy, the nervousness in the small body was long gone when he pulled Fumi along to his room. The door slam shut but even so the screams and giggles echoed through the wood. Kazunari sat still and smiled to his lap before he looked up at Shintaro. Wondering if this was _finally_ his chance to get his very own Prince Charming – he snickered to the mere thought of picturing Shintaro on a white horse –, he pushed himself up on his feet when Shintaro patted the freed spot next to him on the couch.

 

Kazunari rested his head on Shintaro’s shoulder and entwined his fingers to the man’s. A sigh escaped him, softer than any other before, and he closed his eyes, listened his heartbeat. Shintaro’s hand felt warm, almost burning hot, and he liked the sensation. He rubbed the skin that tightened over Shintaro’s knuckles and hummed.

 

“You think it’s going to be okay now?” he asked.

 

Shintaro stayed silent for a while. Then, he said, “I believe so.”

 

Kazunari supposed it was all he needed to hear at the moment. He allowed himself a grin and glanced up at Shintaro, past the glasses and into the green eyes that made his heart melt. This wasn’t his first love, and supposedly not even the final one because who knew what life was going to throw at him tomorrow, next month or next year, but right now, _right now_ he felt happy. He needed no more. He stretched his neck and kissed Shintaro, grasped the man’s fingers tighter and felt funny butterflies in his stomach. _Thank you_ , he wanted to say but found his mouth a bit too busy to do so.


	17. Six months later

The doorbell rang furiously. Kazunari ran around the apartment and brushed his teeth with such intensity that his gums ached. On the hallway’s floor sat Fumi and watched his father with widened eyes and mouth hanging open, let out a giggle every now and then. The doorbell rang again, and Kazunari cursed it to the lowest hell.

 

“Just a second!” he shrieked and managed to spit the toothpaste everywhere. With no time to clean it up, he decided to let the floor smell of peppermint during the day and jumped into his jeans. The doorbell rang. His cheeks got a hint of red in them. “Just a second!”

 

Like a hurricane he ran through the rooms and got himself somewhat clothed. He took the first moment to breathe properly in the hallway and looked at Fumi, helped the boy up. Fumi tilted his head and rubbed his cheek.

 

“You got everything, Fumi-chan?” Kazunari swung the ladybug bag-pack on his shoulder.

 

“Mm!”

 

“Indoor shoes and cars and trains?”

 

“Mm!”

 

“You’re so much more organized than daddy,” Kazunari huffed and lifted Fumi in his arms. The doorbell rang. He heaved out a sigh, although a gentle one and kissed his son on the tip of his nose. Under his breath he mumbled, “And they are so impatient like always, aren’t they?”

 

He knew it was _kind of_ his fault for sleeping in, but he thought it was good to be late once in a while. With one more deep breath he settled a smile on his lips and swung the door open.

 

“Morning,” said Shintaro.

 

“Don’t even begin, I know I’m late and looking awful, I’m sorry,” Kazunari sighed. He glanced down at Haru and ruffled his hair, made the boy smile.

 

“That’s why I keep telling you to move in with us, so mornings like these wouldn’t constantly happen.”

 

“And I keep telling you not yet.” Kazunari smiled lopsidedly and pulled the door close behind his back, handed Fumi in Shintaro’s arms as the boy begged it so much. “You should have just gone ahead without us.”

 

“What is the point in that?”

 

Kazunari’s expression softened. He let out a chuckle and agreed, leaned closer and gave Shintaro his routinely morning kiss. He felt Shintaro smile against his lips, and although he tried to be careful not to squish Fumi between their bodies, he still leaned closer to let the kiss linger, stroked Shintaro’s cheek. Eventually pulling back, he felt silly.

 

“Gross,” Haru said.

 

With a spark in the corners of his eyes Kazunari looked at Haru and said, “Come here so I can give you gross smooches as well!”

 

They had their moment of the cat and mouse game, running around the small staircase. Haru laughed like a maniac, as if he was being eaten alive, and the grumpiness that had weighed on Kazunari’s chest melted away.

 

“Boys… Boys!” Shintaro tried to get their attention.

 

“Boys!” shrieked Fumi as well, with a tone similar to Shintaro’s.

 

Kazunari captured Haru and kissed the boy’s forehead, made him squirm and laugh even harder. He laughed as well, to his heart’s content and let go of the small shoulders, but Haru remained by his side. With a smile Kazunari straightened himself and ruffled the fluff of green hair, winked to Haru when he noticed how Shintaro glared at them. In response Haru chuckled.

 

“Are you done? We’re going to be late,” Shintaro said.

 

“We’re totally done…” Kazunari looked at Haru and saw a familiar spark in the green eyes, the one he saw every other morning as well. His legs twitched, and he took a tight hold of the rail by the stairs. Shintaro would be mad, oh, he’d be _so_ mad, but this morning Kazunari felt childish. Haru looked at him intensely, inched himself closer to the first step of the stairs. They stared at each other. Out of the blue Kazunari yelled, “Race you downstairs!”

 

They both shot off like rockets, running recklessly down the stairs. Kazunari hopped over many of them but Haru was by far the quicker one with his little feet and great speed. The man huffed and turned around the corner to the floor below.

 

“Kazunari!” echoed Shintaro’s impatient shout.

 

Kazunari only laughed as he tried to reach Haru’s back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel rather emotional ( ´△｀)
> 
> It was one May night when I got the idea of Midorima and Takao as parents with two cute little sons. Somehow, it ended up like this, and I honestly couldn't believe that people would read it. But you did, and I am so, _so_ thankful of that. All I have to say is **thank you** for reading this, whether you started the journey with me right on the first chapter or you're reading this now for the first time, thank you so much for taking time to read what I've written. **Thank you** for all your kudos and comments, I feel so overwhelmed and happy and absolutely honored of receiving all of it. I feel like I could say 'thank you' about thousand times more and I still wouldn't feel it would be enough.
> 
>  
> 
> **  
> _Thank you!_  
> **


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